"SNYDDR" ADDRESS ALL WHOM IT MAY CONCERN.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XI, Issue 4047, 2 November 1874, Page 3

"SNYDDR" ADDRESS ALL WHOM IT MAY CONCERN.

U'AOJt TDK AUCKLAND " WEKXI.Y I'2RALD."] 1 HAVE such a large amount of liabilities in the shape of correspondence not answered that I do feel I shall really have to file my schedule and compound with my creditors by paying two letters in the score, just upon the same principle that some people square their accounts by paying one aud threepence in the pound, when not a stain remains upon their commercial character. "Fond One" wishes to know whether I believe that all of us are attended by two spirits, one good and one evil. Of course I do. Else why ? " Fond One" asks me to illustrate a case in point, as proof of my belief. I now do. I shall shew that we have surrounding us over and always not only two but several spirits, some of them regular rappers in their particular line of business. I sit down at my table, and commence writing. Presently something whispers something in my ear. Then I drop my pen, and I say, "What's up now?" And the whisperer goes on to say, "Don't you think, my dear Mr, Snyder, that what you've just been writing is a precious big thumper? You know you don't believe it, and you know it ain't true. Why write what is not the corrcct thing? Your good spirit Ariel recommends you to blot it out." Then Puck comes to me oil the other side aud says, "Never you mind what Ariel says. She's always in tiie dumps, and goes in for the virtuouß ever since Ulysses jilted her and went aud got spliced to Penelope." I lean to the teachings of Ariel. I destroy what I have written, when Puck goes off in a pelter after calling mo a sneak, while Ariel, pointing to a cake of the Venus brand of tobacco, says, " That (meaning thereby the tobacco) and a good conscience be your reward." Ariel floats from my vision and ascends the empyrean on silver wreaths of perfume from mecrscliaum, ever blessed— thrice ever blessed when the tobacco has been smuggled duty free. Does "Foiul One" understand the moral intended to be convoyed, or is she a metempsychosistress ? Does she not scent tlie allegorical of the evil and good spirits ? Why, then, does "Fond One" grieve and sigh for the Inimitable, which dwells with the Uncomatible ?

Then, once again, O "Fond One," have we not the good and evil spirits which dwell within us and minister to our bodies? How was it that I became reminded of this great fact only yesterday ?

The sun had risen until it had no intention of rising any more, and was taking a downward course, when a voice came from within me saying, "Now then, Snyder, old fellow, hurry up and look alive ! My half-pint of beer was due an hour ago, and I havn't got it yet. What are you about? Why I'm getting quite faint and weak-like." Then I listen to the promptings of that spirit-voice, and Hebe, who attends at the bar, takes my three small copper tokens, smiling an allserenisli smile as she drops them into the till. So is the spirit within me satisfied. He says he feels ever so much refreshed after what I have given him—quite another spirit altogether; worth two of what lie was before. He feels as light-hearted again as what he did.

Now it is that tho evil spirit within me gets jealous, and would do me a He says, " Ilavc another." But the good spirit says, " Don't you do anything of the kind, Snyder. Ono's plenty, aud two's too much, take another, and the good is taken out of the action. Stand by me, and. you won't go wrong. What was it I recommended to you tho other night ? Didn't J say, don't eat too much of that roast pork. Didn't I tell you it was a bad thing to go to bed or. the top of crackling. But you took the advice of your evil genius, and what was the result of your dreams ? You were trying to get out of the way of a locomotive steam-engine coming along the rails at the rate of 50 miles an hour, and you couldn't manage it only by getting on board a ship which was foundering at sea, and just as you was going down in her with all on board, while the captain stood off by himself in the life-boat, and wouldn't listen to your screams, you suddenly woke up in an awful sweat, with your hair standing up like bristles. That all come about of not taking my advice, Snyder. You would eat crackling, old fellow. You listened to the promptings of your evil genius. You had bad dreams, and got up next morning sufferingifrom ndigestion.' Does "Fond One" twig? Does she not pcrceivo ? If not, let licr read up in psychological physiology, when she will know quite as much of the whole affair as Professor Tymlall. " Phoolosiphus" asks me whether there can be such a thing as an existing sympathy between an animate and an inanimate body ? Why, of course there can ? Who said there wasn't ? I illustrate my meaning.

It was some time back, when the season was in the sere aud yellow leaf, that my feet were made to become the inhabitants of a now pair of boots. The boots were tight, and inflicted corns, which produced great anguish. Then I cast the boots oil one side, concealing them in a cupboard. With loose-fitting boots, my corns and anguish faded out of existence.

Then it was that a few days sincc I perclianced to open the cupboard door, and lo! the boots looked out upon me. Now instantly did the same throb of anguish attack my feet —the same anguish and the same tlirob, down to a shooting in the little toe, as when I wore those tight boots. Who shall then say that a sympathy does not exist between objects animate and inanimate? Get out with yon, "Phoolosipkus." CAUSE AND EFFECT. Nothing easier than to build up a theory out of the very smallest amount of imaginary material. A married man of sraid appearance, with a melancholy cast nl' countenance, and having also a east in his eye, was seen three mornings in succession perambulating Queen-street in earnest conversation with a gentleman of well-tried abilities and a tendency iii the direction of money-lending. Well, it came to be asked why tho married man should so much identify himself with the well-tried abilitarian who iiad a tendency in the direction of money-lending. Then it was reported that he had been engaged in negotiating the renewal of a bill. Then it was again reported that the man was in tremendous money difficulties through having to maintain a separate establishment for a lady who was not liis wife, but was nevertheless the mother of a sweet infant, the likeness to whom could not be mistaken. Then every one sorrowed for the staid man's wife until tliey were told that he kept two separate establishments, in which- were boarded and lodged two separate ladies who,

if they did wear a wedding-ring h»& ao right to wear it. Hearing this people sorrowed more than-ever at the tea-table. Then it came out that the man was ruined, that|he was to be' sold off; that he was going to abscondthat he had broken his wife's head; and that the gentleman who was going to be married :o~his eldest daughter had cried off the engagement. The construction of the whole theory was a wonderful piece of ingenuity. And now for the solution. The gentleman referred to had invented a new kind of machine for slicing turnips for feeding cattle. He wanted to patent his invention, but he didn't know how to set to to work to get it patented. He didn't owe a penny in the world ; had got a good balance at his bankers ; loved his wife to distraction ; blushed in th j presence of a strange woman; but he wanted the gentleman of well-tried abilities to tell him how he should go about getting a sliced-turnip-cut-ting machine patented, when he was informed that if he only made his invention known at the patent office, that one of the clerk's brothers-in-law, or one of the clerk's wife's uncles, would be sure to seize upon the idea and get it patented right off in his own interest, before the genuine inventor could go through the preliminary forms required previous to the application even being so much as entertained. Such is the origin of theories. "Enquirer" asks how 110 can best provide himself with an annual income at the least outlay of capital? I recommend him to invest thirty shillings in a magic lantern and slides, which he can exhibit during the forthcoming Christmas festivities—admission two-and-six for reserved siats, and one shilling to the body of the room.