IT IS TOWN TALK

Free Lance, Volume XVIII, Issue 957, 14 November 1918, Page 22

IT IS TOWN TALK

—That an air offensive is one effective way of settling the "flu" microbe. Up with the windows!

—That when a- man meets trouble half-way lie has a poor companion for the rest of the journey.

—That there is some queer-tasting whisky on the market. "Liquid fire" they call it in the King Country.

—That it is proposed to admit women to seats in Parliament. Even as it is there's more talk than work.

-—That "a gold in de dose" is a common coijiplaint just now, but thank goodnesk de Habsburgs and de Hodedzolleds have been kicked out.

—That the modern girl , doesn't appreciate music. You may serenade her with beautiful strains on your guitar for an hour and she won't even look out.of her window. But just try honk! honk 1 on a, motor-horn!

—Tliat £50,000 worth of jewellerystolen from the mails en route to Bombay has not yet been recovered. The Postal authorities are considering as a last expedient whether they ought to offer the thieves 50 per cent, of the film rights if they will appear and reconstruct the main incidents of the sensational robbery.

-—That the Tote is credited with being the medium that is increasing attendances at race meetings in Sydney. Women. 6ay they. do> not understand the working of the machine, but that makes no difference to their patronage, which is substantial. Many of theiri "tote" three horses in a race and have nine chances —just equal to the nine lives of a cat.

• —That the haste with which the royal braggarts-' of Germany and its grand dukes along with its idol, Hindenburg,' rushed for the frontiers and to get into hiding when the game was up, puts - comic opera completely in the shade. Kaiser Bill, with a plebeian f ore-and-after on his swollen head in place of the helmet with the eagle crest, quite eclipses Harry Lauder or Albert Russell or Alick Newton in their funniest turns.

—That cosmetics are "peach" preserves. —That live Wellington doctors were down with the "tiu" this week. —Tiiat a Jfernieai who is lighting in tne Promised iiand writes: "I don't Know to whom they promised it—l don't want it." —That quite a goodly number of well-to-do citizens ot Wellington are planning trips to war-weary Jliurope m Liie coming summer. —That our Bill and Joe in going Home this trip have a line chance, to immortalise themselves by coming back m their own pioneer air-ship. —That a large number of women from the Flmpire City have answered tlie call for ".Nurses for Auckland" and liave gone north to "do their bit." —That when "Wellington went into premature raptures on Friday last over the alleged Peace news there was a good deal of "free kissing" in the streets, it was only the giddy ones, of course. —That in the ages to come the German people will commemorate 1918 as the year of their emancipation, and extol Britain, France, America, and Italy as the liberators and saviours of their -country. —That a local patriot has apparently altered Ingersoll's celebrated oration on "Napoleon" to serve as a reply to the toast of "Our Boys at the Front" at bowling celebrations. It saves brain-fag. —That the female population of New Zealand now out-numbers the male variety by over 25,000. The exact numbers are: 540,905 males and 566,354 females. But "When Johnny Comes Marching Home Again" things will be rather different. —That "tipping the steward" was suppressed in New Zealand some time ago!! ! If you don't believe it ask the opinion of the passengers who clamoured for a breakfast on a well-known steamer that arrived in Wellington last Sunday morning.

—That Messrs. Holland and Fraser, the two Bolshevik members of the House of Representatives, judging from their recent speeches in the House, seem to be awfully cut up because of the Germans interned on Somes Island. The other members of the House would probably not object to Messrs. Holland and S'raser being brought into still closer contact with dear brother Fritz.

—That the poilus call Foch "General Deux JSous" ("General Twopence"). He was Twopence too much, for the Mark.

That the old-fashioned girl got insuiteu wnen a man offered lier a cigarette; the new-fashioned girl feels siignced if he doesn't. —That Mr. Massey desires to give the Anzacs a treat by sending tiiem back to Galhpoli. Wliy not to "the cimJi" at once for six months, Mr. IVlassey ? —That Australia will probably see the wisdom of recalling Premier Billy nughes from playing the fool in .London and sending Home somebody who can keep his hair on. —That a popular antidote for the prevailing "Jtlu" is hot whisky and lemon. There was such a run on lemons in Wellington last week that nearly every shop in town was sold out of them. And at "four bob a dozen,' 3 too. —That Kaiser Bill's first impulse when the game was up waa to imitate the great .Napoleon and surrender to the British. But the Revolutionaries headed him off and" so, even in the last act as in others, he was unable to follow a great man's lead. ; ■ —That a cheap lot of royal and imperial crowns could be picked up in Jilurope, just now. Are Bert Royle and Walter Fuller listening? Here's a rare chance to replenish theatrical "properties." Perhaps the Wellington Amateur Operatic .Society might also make a bid. —That one of the prime conditions of the armistice ought to have been that Kaiser Bill and lii& precious son should be dragged out of their hiding places and given over to the Allies to stand trial for their crimes. It certainly ought toi be one of the terms of the dictated peace.. —That the iNew Zealand soldier is quick to see humour and never fails to adapt a popular ditty to any special circumstance. The favourite song, "Another little drink wouldn't do us any harm," is easily changed to "A little bit of leave, etc.,'' when a port is reached; or "Another little look, etc.," when a pretty girl passes revealing an attractive ankle.

The Health Department have wisely issued to the public a list of precautions for warding off the prevailing epidemic, together with instructions and advice for treating patients suffering from the malady. See advt. elsewhere in this issue for full particulars of treatment, etc.

It is little wonder that the influenza microbe was a fellow passenger of Bill's and Joe's by the Niagara last trip. America was over-populated with the deadly germs, and it is not surprising that at least one of them stowaway-ed and escaped by the Union liner. A Fjree Lanob correspoiident, writing from New York by the mail'to hand last' week, says:—"We are having a terrible epidemic of Spanish influenza in this country. It is affecting thousands of our wonderful soldiers, and a great many are dying from it and also a great many civilians. I do hope they will soon check it. I don't go into the city any more while it is so prevalent. I do hope yon don't get it out there." To our sorrow we now know that the deadly uhdesirable has arrived hetre. What were our Health authorities thinking about to permit it to walk ashore just as it liked?