Entre Nous.

Free Lance, Volume X, Issue 476, 14 August 1909, Page 12

Entre Nous.

IT is a quntc true Maiy Ann story. A Keiburne lady was the fortumate possessor of a kitchen treasure who gave no trouble, and neyer lay abed when breakfast ought to b~ getting ready. Her friends enviiied her muchly. One "night ourt.," Mairv Ann did not re-appear, and next day tip postman brougfht a note from her to say s&e had broken her leg, and would b& laid up far goodness knows bio-w long. It was no use keeping the place open, and would her mistress kindly get another Jidlp? • • • The mistress was distressed beyomd measure, and would gladly have gome to see her missing Mary Ann, only there was mo ladd'ress. Kitchen treasures are not picked up every dlay in "Wellington, you know. A few days %tefr Mtb. Kelburne went into a boot stnne to make a, txuirohase .Th* 1 dhiief ''lady shop-assistant was waaitiitng upon a smart voting woman, who was trying on a pair of saitim bail sTfippeirs. The smart vonng wffimian linoked up, and oqid: "On, Lord'" Tt -was Mary Ann. But, where was the broken leg p There's some giud Scotch blood on the Otago Harbouir Boaird apparently, and it was worked up to the boaJlilng point at the last meeting. The average County Council meeting, or a church bazaar committee gjatbjerisng, wouldn't be in the hunt for excitement wath the Otago Harbour Boaird. After the epithets "fool'," "ass," and "bubbly jock" had passed between the chairman and a member, the latter mvvtedi his opponent to come out and get "the greatest flogging of his life." The chairman wasn't having any, and so there are no talcs of shed blood to lecord. However, it only just fell short of actual slaughter. • « * A maadeai at coll'cge named Breeze, Weighed down by B.A.s and M.D 's, Coll'a'psod fmm the strain. Said her doctor, " 'Tis plain You are killing youTself bv dieg.iees!" • » • Up North the football-loving public treat the.i favouiite players with, tho same brain 3 of famiLiarity that Bill Adams seived out to the "Dook" at Waterloo when he hailed him as "Nosey." The following is a list of players' names as published by a Northern paper — "Whangarei is looking forward with m^leh excitement to thie coming struggle at football between the unbeaten Nor horn fifteeiL and a chosen fifteen from the Northern commercnal travellers. • • » ' 'Trophy , a sack of assorted guim and fungus, presented by Sam Rawnsley, Whanganeu.. Referee 'CoimmeTcial' Bray, Whangaxe^. The following will repressnt the Mud-splaghiers FullLback, 'K.apa.i' McGiibbom ; tihnee-quairters, 'Cambrid.ge' CWston, 'Stand'aTd' Hill], 'Tea-pot Buiins ; five-eightlx 'Champion' Bach, 'Northern Light' Hodgson , half, 'PaTtagas' Weir* wing-forwards, 'Butterfly' Johnson, 'Bonex' Falooner, 'BallLstite' Sheen, INfeunie' McG-lash-an, 'Snowdrift' Saddler, 'Dnmnmioii' Ryan, 'Kaaapoi' Kirkbride, 'Zealandm' Pepper. As the above are welH-known players, oomanent is unnecessary "

Tlbe average Maori takes a lot of beating when it comes to shopping and driving bargains. feo long a $ h.e comes out on top it doe&n't matter df his own kith and kin are pushed under. In. a Taranaki store onie day last week the figure of a big Maori daikened the ■doorway. ''Want a tin of paby's foodt," he caid • '"dhenpest yoai got!" "Right! said the man behind the coumteT, putting a -tin. of infants' antifiHiail nourishment on the counter. "That far; cheapest?" persisted the Maoni. "Yes, sixpence that one. the other ifi oightpenoe," said the salesman. "AH r:/ gib me two bobs' woith of tobacco and a dozen matches'" ordered the niativ«. And vet they teH 1 us that what is kilLraig the race is "too much clothing." Fusion of this element _ with the whites is probably about as distant ns the millennium • * • "Tnfle" fiom the Kiikra.ldie and Stains' dining^ioom case at the Mapilstrate's Court « Monday. Miss Violet Gertrude Barker, giving e-ndenoe •- "On one oooasK'a Miss TenidaJH went into the kitchen where Mrs Good wa.= washing rabbits. Miss TendlaJl said tr> her • 'That's no way to wash rabbits ' And she proceeded to show Mrs Good the way. Mrs. Good said: 1 can wash rabbits as well as you can -And she flung the knife across the table at her." Dr. McAfrthu.r: "Wei, I don't know about 'Rough on Rats' • that was certainly 'Rough on Rabbits'' " • * * Another tit-bit. The Lance artvyt was endeavoutung to- procume sketohiPS of the fair witnesses. The junaor oook haxi been pliaving hide-and-seek behind her motor cap for a considerable time, and when she was called to give evidence she walked into tihe wit-ness-box with heir hat before her fiace. Then ensued the dialogue Mr. Herdman : "Now, I want you to put your hat down, Miss Geary.' Miiss Geary: ' I can't ; there's a man. over there sketching me." (Roars* of laughter.) His Worship: "Well, he'H never do you justice while you hold your hat before your face like that!" Wlhereupon there was renewed! Jamghter, during which the junior oook winked very obviously to her feTllow-oroks.

She graced the presence at the Ma°;istiate's Court one day liasit week with an aw approa-ohing familiarity, foi shs had earned the title of "an old offend«," if not that of "a regu.lai flffprider '' The bloom of youth ! as ori+a,in'lv lefi. heir, but she is not ret oilxl Sho was being oroi?s>--examined by Lhe sergeant of poflhoe. "You 'have been brruejht befne- this Court before, have ynai mot?" demanded the sergeant. "Yes, but not for .same time." "Bow long sin-pp?" persisted' the official. Then «he didn't blush, but, naively hesitated Turning to heir oounse'l sh a oaNcl wirmineTv "It wa,s twelve months d.c,o wasn't it, Mr. Jackson P" The Cot; it quite rpJiished the joke. * • This situ it ion was reminiscent of a Court incident of some years as^o, wh>en a well-known member of the bar was pxaraini-ng a lady of — well ■pictuiresque carrer The dMoe^ie to wHch the Court listened proceeded _in this fashion : "You have been twice macrHed, have you mt>t p " "Ypr." "Yora'name before was Mrs. ?" "Yes " "And vonr Chris-tiian -name is ?'' "Well, Al^v dear, to you. you kniow, 'it aTwßvs was iu«t "Katoiel" That was exaotlr iust whore the Court broke up m/to laughter. • » •» Somebody has recently been advertising m thr daily papers for a young man for "mixed farming." This billet ought to su.it some of tihe "faxm labourer" immigrants who have been assisted to oome out here by the Government. Most of their farming is very much mixed. V"» • "» A Wellington young lady sc-hototL-teaoher, who was moved to a country district, advertised urn the local paper for boaid and lodging. Being musical herself, she stipulated in her advertisement for boardl witlh a musical family. Here is a copy of the reply which she received: — "Dear Miss, — We think we can, suit you witlh room and bord, if you. preefer to be where there is musick. I play the fiddefll, my wife the organ, my dotter Jule the banjo, my son Henry the gettar, and my other son Jim the floot and' koronet,

while all of us sings gospel lump, i tt which we would be glad to have you. take part. We pdiay by ear, am/ wiett w& al'J! get started -there is musick in the air. Let us know if you wamt tocome there to bard." * • • The members of one of out city clubs were more than a littile surprised' thie other evening when the steward came into the billiard-room and asked : "Has ajiy gentleman here got an invalid's bath-cha/ir for sale?" First of ail they looked puzzled, and 1 /then there was an outburst of laughter. Several of the members are accustomed 1 to usima motor cars, but nothing so wildly progressive as a bath-chair. "There's a lady outside," explained! the steward, _wh.o says that a secondhand bathchair is advertised for safe, andi this ]£ the address corned from the paper !' r For a moment the members suspected a practical joke, but the liady was announced as "stiffl waiifcinig for tfiie bathchair." "Tell her, steward." said one of the youngest members "that the .gentleman 'has had a relapse, and' that he s going to kee/p his chair." * • » Amongst our prominent footballers m Wellington is one who has a brother as like him as one pea can be like another. The likeness between the two brotheis leads to a good deal of contusion. An incident which oocuirredi .last week wiH serve to illustrate this. A gentleman admirer amd personal friend of the footballer thought he saw the "crack" sportsman in Mam-ners-street. He was just walking ahead! of him, so. putting on a spurt the adtmirer came up to the broad' back' which was presented to ham, and gave in a funding smack, as he said, "Hutio, old chap, how are yon?" "You've got the advantage of me!" said the brother, whose liver had juist been shifted 2f inches. "Why, I took yiou fo r my old 1 friend', Dave!" "No I'm his brother Harry!" The strasniger apologised^ profusely, and went his way. That same afternoon the 'breezy stranger met; the man he rieallSy knew and, thimking that some explanation was timely, he said: "Oh, look here, I went up to your brother, Barry, in Manners-street, this morning and I " The "man he really knew" shifted his back out- of the way of araoitheir innminent slap, , a nd shook his head "I'm still Harry," ,he replied. It was true! T7p Woodyalle way the othier day an Irishman was charged with theft. He ls we-l respected in the district, and the Jay Pee asked him, rather anxiiousIV if be had no defence to make "Yes, your Worship, I have!" he Tepl'ied # "T can prove a lullaby!" The people in court gfgeTied. ani his Wri-s 7 iip ean'd smilintrlV "Oh. yon maaji m .alibi?'' "Call it what you liike, your Worship, bait mv nveisus can sweair thnt T was waJkina; th.c Row with the ha bent thie hour mienti^iTipd im the ch'a.^o-e'" • • • Talking of the tightness of money nn the WeHkngtom district, an, dlncajdienjb occurred last week which seems to indicate that the stringency continiues A country storekeeper doing business just up the line wrote to a city firm ordering a large consignment of groceries. As the storekeeper was not a good! mark — aJlready in arrears on the firm's book — a wire was sent: "Sorry cannot rail goods untill your ovedue account is settled." The reply oatme hack: "Unable to wait so Tbnig. OamoeH the oavxer."

Theie was such a delightful Jiittle bit or comedy in a well-known fashionable dinmg-Toom in town ome day iast week. The chief chaiacter in the pea fOl mance was a lady welLesteemed in Wellington, who is noted for her short-sighted-ness. She is so short-sighted that she ihaj. to peer into a book or paper before sh© can distinguish, what is printed m it On the diay m question she was dining at the city rooms with a friend, and was talking — well', as only she can -taJflk. The waitress brought the menu and held aft for her inspection, but the lady went on talking without reading it Presently, still seeing the wihite blur before heT she leant over, and, still talking, picked it up, and brought it into reading range. • • • She was honrified to read : — "My own darling Walter, — Just a few 1 vines to " when a man's voice, full of hesitancy and confusion, said in heir ear: 'Tardoai me, but you have taken a, tetter I was reo/dangl" This is what had happened: The waitress, tired of holding the menu at an uncomfortable angle, had d/isatppeared, but a young geautilemaji next to her at the same table had been rapidly studying a loveletter from his fiancee, and the shortsighted lady had swooped down on it in mistake for the menu. Sh© has decided to make the waitresses read over the menu to her for the future. It certainly appears to be safer. You neyer know what you may strike on a walk, even in quiet ■Wellington. On a certain night last week strolLeis on the Quay might have seen what looked lake a "flut-by-nighV ' moving, borne students met to talk art, and such like thungs, in a studio on Lambton Quay, when suddenly an alarm of "Firel" was heard. Of course, a stampede ensued., and, seized with a desire to be heioic, each one grabbed some article of furmtuie, and promptly "saved" 't. The last man down brought a chair, and with the nonchalance of the proverbial Englishman, invited someone to sit down. Then the Fire Brigade cam© akxng, and promptly put an end to the excitement, and, alas and alack ' all the heroism was wasted, and the furnaishangs had to be returned to their own domain. It was a fearful anti-climax, and the nmchal»nt one sat on the chair he had Tescued, and refused to more till) his cigarette was finished. The Ffae Brigade swore in recruits to carry back their belongings. It was a good sight

toi any obs^iyei to raairk one of out leading social laghts wandering down L,imbton Qu.iy with an ©all stove m oine hand and a chinu. cup in the othei . There was fan on at a certain boardin ghouse in the city one night last week. Theie are several young felLows staying at the hooise. Also, three of the boarders own a dog each. Said dogs sleep J/a a shed <adjoajamg the wood-heap. Same tame ago a nightprowler stole some of the landlady's firewood. The boaaxlers wetre aJ3J very angry at this piece of theft, and swore vengeance upon the unknown. They have waited long for him, and waited patiently. Then* ohanoe appealed to have come last week. They had finished their cigans, and were just retiring to bed. Two of them, who shaae a room, were just putting out tiheir light after reading till nearly mMr night, when their door opened quietly, amd a third boairdioj potked his head in and held up a warnimg finger. * • » With bated bieiath he told them, an. an excited whisper, that the dogs were growling furiously oiutside, and there was soaneone at the wood agaan. Out sallied the brave tr«>. The night was a wiretched one, and they would much rather have remained in bed>, and let the Jittle bit of wood go. But had 1 they not promised? They collected theiir forces and wits at the back door, and, on the given signal', made a bulldog rush outside. The first tripped, and fell. The second fell over him, and the third piled up <xa both of them. On picking themselves up from amongst the gravel and bad words, they were horribly annoyed to see three dogs sknkmg round the corner. The brutes had been having a growhng competition to see which one was c;ono; to got the mat for thr mght. The stones of huge pumpkins and marrows and cabbages, and affl those sorts of things, are done for ever and a day. The "Wairoa Gkiardian" has caught the speaker's eye with a story of a hwrse's stomach. It says : — "A horse died at Patea recently under pecuKar circumstances. On being opened up the animal's stomach was found to contain over lOOOlbs of sand." That defunct Patea gee-gee ought to be secured by Mr. Petihemck for the Newto.wn Museum. Its stomach would have accommodated Jonah and has wlhale with ease.