ENTRE NOUS

Free Lance, Volume II, Issue 92, 5 April 1902, Page 12

ENTRE NOUS

WELLINGTON Battalion oi .Mounted Rifli* "fie extiemeh toitunate dunng the leccnt manotHUius in the Wauaiapaiu hat ing a guide, philosopher and tneud in an officer ot the Imperial Musketeeis, Sn, toi upuaids ot torn months'" The new chili book lias, been superseded and tactics ha^e assumed some semblance ot model mtv undei his expert guidance. One morning, the battalion sergeant-ma joi heard shots to the east, and, being an old Afncan warrior, he turned out with a dozen or so Maoris, lett word he'd gone in chase ot the eneim, giabbed some ammunition, made foi the enemy, and headed them oft with heaw slaughter * * * But the Imperial officer as also W ide awake ' Oh, ves be knew wha* to do ' From the camp the small squad headed bv the sergeant-major heard that gallant individual numbering off his men with tiemendous piecision, and soon the camp was the largest kind of pandemoniu,^ and rattled with musket rv like hail on a tin roof The sergeant-major spartv of Maoris was swept by shot, enfiladed cut off, routed, annihilated with blank cartridge and still that stern office* would Sot slacken fiie The serge,antmaior crept through the home fence in the face of that fea.rsome fusillade and protested that all his men were >shot. that he w* wounded in the nose through falling against a fence, and wanted to know if it was the correct thino- to fiie fiOOO rounds on ones own men He found the gallant musketeer standing erect, with hi- sword waving amd his breast swelling in a magnificent and tinumphant fashion • * 'Follow- me, men. We will ero wherever you raav lead '" he .said, w ith the light of battle in his eve After having killed all his own men by firing at his main body from the flanks, rear and front, he gave orders to move to the right, and at once led the wav to the left' In an excessively gallant manner he charged, hard held, over all roots and kopjes, through spruits, dongas, and other impedimenta, like Excelsior in the tea advertisements. Then, with his eve blazing with wrath because the enemv wasn't there to be killed, he put his foot into a rabbit hole. "In one red (dust) burial blent" the gallant one stood on his helmet in the sand with that dreadful sword stiekine into the earth like a pea-stick The "dead" patrol in the rear came to life and the "wounded" Soutli Afncan sergeant-ma-jor in command declares it was the finest feat of arms ever accomplished Oh the" have learnt things have tho=e volunteeis and that Imperial officer is hadlv wanted at the front

The latest Baden-Powell ston is not at all a bad one It 1 elates ot com so, to tlio evei-tamous siege ot Mateking Quo atternoon, when piowsions weie luiuuug mighty shoit, and lations weie being <-tnctl\ cut down a little tea naiit\ was gn en m honoiu ot some event Li other B. P. came in rather late, Mid glaied when he saw his othceis, along with the lest of the company, roasting upon a nch-looking mc-s. I hey called it chocolate pudding" 'What nit made ot' J " he <i-ked suspiciously ot the hostess In ti emulous accents she explained that it n.b compounded ot staich and a little cocoa, and sweetened with ghcenne The cou'umcis put on a guiltv look and waited foi sentence to be passed. Baden-Powell snoited. sliook las head and abrupth Thee aie not 1 emulation lations, and this suit of thine mn<-t be put down " Wheieupon he seized a spoon and staited to "put down" his shaie of it Unieaisonablo people these residents of the Hot Lakes. Actually comnlaimnsf lust now about red tape as if this countiv could be governed without it Seems thev purchased a fiiebell twelve month* ago, and it is still unhung simph because the authoutie* in Wellington hune up out of sight and mind the question of a =ite for it * * * The stoiv leaked out o\ er afternoon tea. on the Terrace a few da.\ s ago and lias gone through the town m recoid time It is a >oung wife's confession There was a presentation spree on not long since— one of the bosses going Home fo* the coronation — and well vou know-, Hubbv didn't get to his lughlvrespectable domicile until the wee sma' devil-mav-care hours avont the twal'" How he got into bed he can't exactly lemember, but this is what transpired at breakfast next morning — Little Wine Henry, what was the matter with vou when vou came in last nidit?" , T Dotin°- Hubbv "Nothing that I know of. Whv?" Little Wifie "Well \ou kept walking round the bed with vour hand on the railing, savine. 'Heie's tlie hamsters all right, but there's the stans?'" * * * One Wellington youngster has been seeing life dutmg Easter. On Wednesday afternoon he paraded at school with a damaged nose and the following w ritten note for the headmaster — "Please excuse George's imured looks, and Ins absence this morning. By some unaccountable means his nasal o reran became deprived of its natural covering (skin) and he wa* compelled to return home for repairs thereto For proof of this gaze on the of*gan in question as he outers school this afternoon." * • * Now that titled people aie 'lemnuscing" at Home about the royal tour in the Ophir, some interesting tittle tattle is finding its way into print. Here is an innocent little sample. The giddy gambling game of bridge was in gieat demand w'lule the roval steam yacht voyaged from port to port. But. in order to avoid the chance of undue gambling among his letinue. "the Dook" insisted that the maximum tanft at the game should be onlv thiee-pennv points

Dunedm damsels are very much exeicised at the deaith of marriageable men in. this colony, and aie using the columns or the daily pies* to beg that a female Contingent be formed to do battle with the Boors' and soldiers' hearts in Africa. Loval Sublet' wants to fight and 'Dolores," whose letter sounds as if she had whiskers, thinks that on the trek girls would not be troubled w ith the thirst that affects their male "comrades in arms." Another girl wants to fight ' shoulder to shoulder," and others simply want to be a "comfort" to the male "swaddles.' There is no doubt whatever that sometihirag will have to be done soon with New-" Zealand's surplus femininity. * * • The girls certainly ha\e n gnevanoe. The new ' enemy" w ould certainly captivate if they did not capture De Wet, and the most hardened Boer would refuse to draw a bead on beauty's form. We would suggest that the Commandant cable to the "boys" in the field to test their feelings about this girl Contingent proposal. Just imagine the New Zealand column being draw n up to have the document read. From 3000 lust\ throats, would ri«e the spontaneous crv "Let 'em all come * *• * Two local sports would ha\e gone to the Auckland autumn meeting this yeai if the boss" had been willing. He wasn't however, and they didn't even get a sight of the field' up the,. Wairalapa They had scraped a "tenner ' tooothor however and they rather fancied Rufus for the Handicap Hurdles, at Kllershe. They wired up to a mutual friend, ' Put £10 Rufus Handicap Hurdles Next day. when the Association wire came through, and Rufus had pa>id a £8 7s (>d dividend, they leioiced with an exceeding great iov Then came a wire from that Auckland fuend 'Thanks for tin but didn'b go." And the landlady's bill is still unpaid. Can \ou ' place" them 2 ♦ * * As King Dick's weight increases, the number of -varns on the subject increase m proportion On umehable authorit\ we aie told that he recently met the fat Msteis " who aggiegate fiftv-se\en stone on boaid a steamer. Dick nai mtioduced, and the tuo exchanged compliments, and recommended each othei's In and of anti-fat, and were generalh agiecable all lound." Said that the \es<-el had such a list to port that serious results weie anticipated until the unci owned mouaieh hit upon the brilliant idea of taking a cabin on the starboaid side The veracious chromclei asserts emphatically that the vessel lighted herself at once the ' fat sifters" remaining on the poit side, and that iov and peace and satisfaction were shed "around at our Dick's thoughtfulness ♦ • • Whilst a well-known Manners-street Celestial was w ending his wav across a newlv-tarred footpath, on tip-toe, the other day, he suddenly slipned, and landed on his centre of gravity in the tar. He became so firmly attached to the sticky substance that it was some time before he managed to extricate himself from his ludicrous position It provided a large crowd of on-lookers w ith an excruciatingly funny comedv John's frantic efforts to release himself causing roars of laughter.

Many-tongued rumour is busj with the name of a prominent female disciple of ' tone" and a certain knight of the biead cart. It seems that, while delivering bread in a select suburb the curly-looked vendor of the staff of life also delivered his heart into the safe keeping of the lady in question. The infatuation grew, until one day recently the housemaid at that select abode received instructions from the young lady that "I will take the bread myself." Romantic conversation, touching "yesterday's baking" and "fresh loaves." etc., took place for some dava, and the curly one's conquest was complete. • • • One day last month, the lady did not come to breakfast: also, later, the bread was delivered by the proprietor of the business, and a sorrowing family just kept quiet, and whispered never a word. One of rumour's tongues however, wageed, and here is the result. The sequel ! Is that beauteous damsel in the wilds of the Wairarapa the wife of a purveyor of loaves? Has her lover gone to Africa with the Eighth, or done any foolish thing like that? * * No' A lecent paragraph in a t'other side paper explains that "on the 12th instant, at Bmdywindy, Miss Muriel Blank was married to George Hyphen, younger son of John Hyphen, Esq. M.L.C., of the Willy-willy Estate," etc. In another column details of presents totaJlmg several hundreds of pounds, were set out, and it also mentions a cheque from Pa. Now, those Wellington parents are convinced that Muriel leallv did make good use of the time she ■spent on the other side" less than a year ago, but until now nothing has been said about the manner of Muriel's going. * * * Probably the most striking cartoon ever appearing in a colonial journal is being spoken of at present on "t'other side" in connection with the life of Chevalier, one-time artist for Melbourne "Punch." Said Chevalier did no n ork if his salary was in arrears, and tlie then management got. in arrears one w eek Consequently, no cartoon, and a hideousi blank, stared the editor pitiless! v in the face Blank it was, and blank it remaaned. Driven almost to distraction, the editor called the blank Pdere "The Present Outlook in Victorian Polities," and the issue, with the striking cartoon not by Chevalier, was sold out a good deal earlier than usual, the situation saved, and the editor triumphant. It hit the public, and to-day a copy of that issue is a "literary" curiosity that will fetch a price. * * * News of an alleged sensational elopement comes hot foot from Waipawa, a sleepv little township in Hawke's Bay. The story goes that a venerable schoolmaster became smitten with the charms of a sixteen-year-old pupil. He suggested an elopement, promising a visit to the coronation festivities, and asserting that he had heaps of wealth. And, as Don Jose sings, ' Thus woman's heart is ever won." At anv rate, it is stated that May and December set out by different routes for Auckland, and caught there the same San Francisco boat. The saddest part of the affair is that the schoolmaster's \\ ife has been rendered destitute.

Palmt'istou North is again to the toro with a romantic stoiy A local Adonis, a musical genius, is the victim of Cupid's tncks. He had long been engaged to a sweet-faced colleen, w hose beauty is the admnation of: the young men It was said that the young lach w ould be the possessor of a handsome pioperty upon her mainage. The pair have always been on the most intimate terms until lately, when the young man's employment kept him working long alter the midnight hour. His enforced absence has been taken advantage of bv another admirer, who stole a march, the result being that when No. 1 returned from a trip the other day matteis came to a sudden climax No 1 swore all sorts of things, and a livelv dissolution took place There has been a returning of jowolleiv. garments works of art, gold lings, brooches and a lot of other presents • • • The silver thread of kinship ' An Auckland Chinaman and a cartload of "cabbagee" and other produce, a broken stian a.nd an unexpected "tip " Come to his help an M H R , a city councillor, and a merchant. Those three stout citizens, all on the shady side of fiftv upended the cait, put in a perspmng time filling it with fallen produce, mended up the harness with bootlaces, gave the Chow a composite smile, and gently receded Some of our local Mongolians will be going North if we don't pi event them * * * Holy" Adelaide recently witnessed one of the most absuid court suspensions on lecoid During the healing of the noisome Scluppan murder case, the übiquitous photographer was allowed to stop the w hole proceedings in order to get a snapshot of the court and its occupants. The spectacle of an allegedly grave judge suspending his terrible pen m the air for purposes of negatives, and the foreman of the jury striking a diamatiic attitude with the veidict held in his 'good and true" hand, must ha\o been most edifying. Imagine Judge Edwards being asked to suspend the business during a murder trial at the pleasure of a ''fiend"! * # # Occasionally when aJI the children are not listening to the band in the Basin Reserve, humorous incidents crop up even in Sundav schools. On Easter Sunday, some very naughty children in a Wellington school were chattering consumedly. The superintendent looked over a partition to quell the noise, and he grabbed the liveliest boy by the shoulders, hoisted him over the division, and banged him into a chair, with a good slap to keep him still. r About five minutes afterwards, a meek child peered over the partition, fixed a sad eve on the superintendent and said, "Please e dr, you've got out teacher " And it was =o That vouth is not teaching Sunday school any more. ■* * * Adelaide ' Cntic" savs that Piemiei Dick Seddon evidently is anxious that he should receive more lionising than Prime Minister Barton when he soes to London to be crowned next June. T- * * Mr. \V. E. Andrew s, the pi opnetor of the Railway Hotel, Damievirke, is one ot the crowd of New Zealandeis who are oft Home to the coronation scramble Mine host claims to have a special acquaintance with Britain's Monarch, and on his billheads it :s printed "Patronised by Royalty." This rosy-faced bomface delights m telling his customers over the bar that when "boss" of a wravside inn in a country village in England, Edward Rex used frequently to call in and sample his wines. When His Majesty succeeded to the throne, Mr. Andrews treated all and sundry to free drinks in honour of the event, such generosity being practically unknow n amongst Dannevirke publicans. It is not vet definitely known in the Fortvmile Bush whether Mr Andrews will be a guest at Buckingham Palace, or whether he will put up at the Hotel Cecil * ♦ • Richard Young Cousins the *mmg man who got £100 damages in the i cent Svdnev breach of promise r against Miss Louisa McNevin (now Mrs H. S. Carr), had the offer of £500 cash if he would stop the action. Miss McNevin was a Molong heiress, with a £00.000 estate, and showed a lot of cleverness in managing it Cair, who soooped the poc-I, to the disgust of Cousins ,was a young commeicial traveller, and evidently a ' hustlei " * * * Kden George, the well-know n camera fiend, who once upon a time became Mayor of Christchuich, and is now a member of the New South Wales Parliament is to the front once more. Of course, lie is going Home to give the coronation a lift, and he has iust taken a flashlight photograph of a. meeting of his electors to show to the King The meeting was specially called with the object of giving Mr. George leave to go to the coronation as one of the "Happened-to-be-there's " and the flashlight was taken with the people holding up their hands affirming a resolution that their member be allowed to depait henc^.

It is iioh expected that the bold Jlklen will stop the King's piocefcsion on the way to the Abbey in order to show Edward VII. a fading fhctuie ot the Belmore electors stretching foitli then hands in an ecstacy because their gifted member was going to see the King with the golden crown. Herr Sohweigei hausen lias had tlie temerity to leave his dear Fatherland to bring his bicycle and his name to the colonies, the home of the "broken reeds" vide the Faitlierland's press. He is at present in Melbourne, where he finds tjhe rotund comastdble, yclept German sausage, has gone out of the market m favour ot ''best Hawke's Bay." Of course, lie is doing the big bike ride foa a wager, has been ten years on the track, and, like his one-armed piedecessor Schilling, who eventuated a couple of yeairs ago, but who ti listed to his own long legs, lie may possibly tell you what an uncommon marvel he is to jstart away on a big trip with exes, paid along

the line of route. If he would only break Bill Martin's record, now, or take tihe rifle championship from Hyde, or captain a team of German football representatives, or even come as a "Pmg-Pong" representative from the Fatherland, open arms would be stretched out to receive him. But to fall into the stale old groove of riding round the world for a wager — well, we're getting tired of these w ager artists. The- guard of the New Plymouth expiess train liad a request made to him last week with winch he did not comply. At d little wayside station, where tho train stops tor two minutes, a breathless Maori dashed up. with peispiration streaming from every pore, "Don't brow te whistle, don't blow te whistle," he breathlessly cried, l 'mv b rudder be along in teai minutes. I come to tell you he make haste to get ready '"

George Schilling, the one-armed pedestrian, whose jersey informed the public of New Zealand some three years ago, that he was walking round the world, has't fetched up at the tape yet. But George, who told a tale in Auckland about never having appeared as a public speaker before, has walked through the Hispano-American, ChinaEuropean, and Anglo-Boer wars, and has &till a quarter of a dozen hats left to see him through. George, unlike his compatriot Willy Schweyherhausen, has, had "war" experiences everywhere, and has been considerably "sniped" and abused during his 27,000 miles stroll. Of course, he has struck the same old snakes and tigers that "Willy" wheeled over, but he has not walked the water '"Willy" is alleged to have ridden. • • * The laziest of lawyers They said he was, and still He always was quite anxious to Be working with a will.