NOTHING SERIOUS.

North Otago Times, 22 May 1909, Page 3 (Supplement)

NOTHING SERIOUS.

Fanny Kemble once spent the summer nt a small country town in Massachusetts. While there she enpaged n neighbour, s -plain lanucr. to drive her around. The farmer, dosiring to entertain his guest, expatiated freely upon the state of the crops and the neighbourhood gossip, until Miss Kemble remarked, somewhat testily—"Sir, 1 cn;fr.go6 you to drive me, not to talk to mo." The farmer said no more. When Miss Kemble was ready to leavo town she sent for the man, and asked for her bill. One of the items therein she could not understand, and asked for an explanation. "That?" said the farmer; "oh, that's ' Sass. five dollnrs.' 1 don't very often take it, but when 1 do I I charge."

A widower who was married recently for the third time, and whose bride had hcen married once before herself, wrote across the bottom of the wedding iDVitatloM-"He sure and come; this is no amateur performance."

When a Mlnnse boy baby-Is A year old he is placed in a big sieve, together with money scales, a foot measure, a pair nf shears, a brass mirror, a pencil, Ink, and hooks. The article hu grabs first is considered a symbol of his future proclivities.

The amount «f water passing over the Niagara Falls hits been estimated at one 'hundred millions of tons per hour, and its perpendicular descent may be taken at 150 ft. t without considering the rapids, which, represent „ further fall of 150 ft. The. force represented by the principal full alone amounts 1." 16,800.000 hp., an amount which, if it had lo be produced by steam, would necessitate an expenditure of hot. less than 500,000,000 tons of con! per annum, taking the consumption ul coal at four pounds per horse-power per hour,

An amusing story is told concerning the smnllncss of the Alice Railway Station in South Africa. A farmer, expecting a ehicken-hbuse to arrive, sent one of bis native hands, a newcomer, to fetch it. On arrivin K there, the man saw the house, and loaded it on the waggon, and started back for home. On the way back ho met a man in uniform, with the words "Stationmaslcr" on his cap. "Hold on !" cried the official.

"What have you got on that waggon?" "Master's chicken-house," was the reply. "Chicken-house lie blowed !" exclaimed the otticial; "that's the station."

The Viekleur, which waved over the Government. Buildings at Pretoria immediately before the capital wns occupied by Lord Hoberts, has recently been given to Ihe Transvaal Museum by General Botha. When the British forces were entering tho town, the flag was taken down by Mr. C. P. one of the Republican officials, and handed over to Mrs. I. Hnarhoff, who took very good care of the relic—w'ciying it for over a year under her dress. Afterwards she hid the flag in a mattress, until peace was proclaimed, when it was handed over to the General.

THE ART GALLERY. Under a "sketchy little thing" exhibited by Jones there hangs a printed card which bears the words -"Do not touch with canes, or umbrellas." An appreciative small boy added the following postscript. —"Tako a Axe." AT NIAGARA FALLS. The late Cecil Johnstone was a noted Queen's Messenger. Once when in charge of despatches to the United States, he was invited' to visit Niagara, rooms in the hotel being reserved for him which had the best view of the Falls. The burley Q.M. marched into his room, followed an attendant and by two porters with his luggage. He strode up to the window overlooking the Falls, and then, turning to the obsequious attendant, exclaimed, "Does that confounded thing never stop ?" as he pointed to the rushing water. History does not record the man's reply,