FUN AND FANCY

Northern Advocate, 24 September 1927, Page 9

FUN AND FANCY

CURRENT HUMOUR WELL WORTH IT. Old Farmer Hayseed ihad bought an ancient motor car at an auction sale in a nearby town. After a great deal of argument he managed to persuade his neighbour to come for a joy ride. They started off very well, but after descending a steep hill the car gathered much more speed and the passenger began to get alarmed. “Hayseed,” he cried, “I’ll gi’e ye a fi’ pun note if ye’ll stop and let me out. ’ ’ The other swung the vehicle round a sharp bend. “I’ll gi’e ye a tenner,” he replied anxiously, “if ye’ll tell me how to,” * * • • GOOD LINKS. The man in the rainbow stockings was trying to play golf. The difficulty was, of course, to hit the ball. It was so much easier to lilt the ground. He hit that every time. The turf flew in all directions. Swish! Swosh! plop. More excavations. Something w r as wrong somewhere. It couldn’t be his stockings.' It must bo the links. He turned helplessly to his opponent. “What do you-think of these links?” he exclaimed, “What do I think of them?” gasped the opponent, -wiping a bit of soil from his lips. “Pouf! Best I ever tasted,” •** ' * NOT THIS TIME, ■ She (reading from a book): “To travel hopefully is better than to arrive.” He:: (1 Who says that ? ” “Robert Louis Stevenson.” “Oh, I thought it was that cheerful idiot Jones, next door, who’s just tried his second-hand ear again. * * • SUCH OBEDIENCE. A mother was trying to instill in her small son, Willie, the habit of doing exactly as he was told. One day she said to, him: “Willie, go and see whether there is water running in the tub,” “Willie went am(f returned. “Yes, mother,” he said; “the water was running, and so I turned it off.” “Willie,” isaid his mother, .’“how many times have I told you to do exactly as you are told? I did not want you to shut it off. I wished to fill the tub.” After several such episodes Willie seemed to grasp the idea. A later day she thought that she smelled something burning, and putting her head out of the window she called to Willie, who was playing in the, yard, “Look around the house and see if anyihg is burning.” ,V -f! Willie was gone for five, or ten<jaiinjutes, and theft strolled nonchalantly back and sat down again to play. His mother,, ftiost impatient at this delay, called sharply and asked if she were correct. “Yes, mother,” he replied; “it’s.our house. ” ’* ; ■ • THE INVETERATE TALKER, They were removing motes front other people’s eyes. “Mrs Soandso,” said one, “is the world’s worst gossip. She even learned ventriloquism so that she could talk scandal with someone wheq she was alone.” • *' ■ * • TALKATIVE. First Passenger: * ‘My word! That fellow over there can talk.”' Second Passenger: “Yes, he went last week for some false teeth, and they gave him a lady’s,” » . • • CAUTIOUS. Nervously, and with many misgivings, an old lady hailed a taxi. “Now, driver,” she cautioned, “you must be very careful. Don’t go on unless the policemaai tells you, and don’t drive fast in case the cab skids. “All right, lady,” replied the driver; “and if there’s an accident, is there any partie’ lar ’orspital you’d prefer?” * * * * 9 ANCESTRY. A certain lady who is proud of her aristocratic ancestors, happened to show her maid the silhouette of an aunt of hers. The girl had never seen anything of the kind before, and she gazed at the portrait long and earnestly.. “Lor’, muni,” she said at length. “I always thought you had some relations like that —you’re that dark in the face yourself.” .