NOTES TO HENRY

Maoriland Worker, Volume 11, Issue 449, 15 October 1919, Page 6

NOTES TO HENRY

Dear Henry,—lt's strange, but true, that there are two classes of individuals in this world that the people will not take seriously. They tolerate their lying and their far-fetched stories, and think none the worse of them for their little romance. The first are fishermen and the second are politicians. Recently I was coming into town on the tram when a gentle--man got in who is a churchwarden, and is looked upon as a very god-like man. "Plow did you do at the Lakes?" asked one of the passengers. And our church warden began telling us of the splendid catches of trout that he had landed. 1 looked around that car 'full of passengers and they were winking and smirking ,at each other in such a way that even a blind man could see that no one believed a word of the fisherman's story. Recently I went Vith a small, but very representative, body of men to inspect the site of some proposed protective works along one of our fishing grounds. A deputation of fishermen met us and explained the formation of the country and especially the place where the fish came from. He pointed out that in all other parts of New Zealand the fish were migratory, but that this was the natural breeding groutid for all New Zealand fish. Thai just off the coast was a \eiy deep 'tole and right, down the sides of this hole there was a scries of shelves where the fish built tneir nests, and that was the natural home for fish. He spoke of a. twenty-pound fish and a hundred, pound gropcr as being only commonplace ticklers for those parts. Just j as he was in the midst of a mosl fascinating story, one of the deputation broke the spell by saying: "Tell us about the small fish, George!" And Georg paused for a moment, _»d with a look of disgust he said: "Small fish,, small fish; why the people won't look at small fish in these parts. Why, do you know, sir, that I have seen boys en t'u.t i, \ll. ~ i .:i:i. i.ai. .. ;i.:o V.i". no bait, pull in quickly, and have three or four wriggling, small fish hooked on that couldn't get out of the road." Then George proceeded to recount to us how he had hooked m whale, and how that whale, had got away with two or three hundred yards of his fishing tackle. I could almost see that -whale as George explained how the dear old fish came np,.and shook its angry head at George with i George's fishing tackle hanging down t over the whale's snout. Small fish inj deed! So it is, Henry, that neither fishermen nor politicians are taken seriously. And they arc permitted to soar into the realms of romance without, anyone questioning their veracity. There is a kind of special license for liars so long as they arc fishermen or politicians. When the Rev. Leonard was a Bible banger, he used to paint hell so hot that we could almost smoll the sulphur. His stories of lhe gentleman -with lhe forked tail and cloven hoof were So vivid that he Often drove men to drink of the cup that cheers so th.it they could gel,'rid of this horrible apparition. Now, the. reverend gentleman was no foo). raid he saw that threepenny bits spent in booze would not help to increase a parson'- salary. So he started out as a :ni;ig-( Jwoc. ~ >>..<■ t-pok:: of ". hcav.-;: j on earth without liquor. Again hr failed in his object, because thcr;c who liked liquor swore off heaven and | voted in favor of the other place, They argued that if there were no bars in paradise they would prefer something hot with a thirst attached to it. The opportunity came, and the gentleman decided to retire and live J in Parliament. Here, argued our hero, I shall be abie to do some real good. Prohibition has become so popular that i must' look for another windmill. And so our friend entered., politics. He can still paint pretiy pictures of what the New Jerusalem would be like, if he had his way. He is not quite so hard on Bung now, because he has found another (ill for his lance. He has nmv become a "Red Fed" or Bolshevist-chaser. Just as he painted poor oid Bung with all, the lurid colors of ths rainbow, so now he sloshes the red on to anyone who attaches the word Labor to their title. Pardon, Henry, not all; he has a particular liking for what he terms "Sane Labor." Of course, Henry, old man, St. Patrick had an easy job in turning snakes out of Ireland, and our dear old friend Leonard finds it an easy job to support "Sane Labor." You see, Henry, there ain't any! Did you ever see any sane prohibitionist? Of course not, Henry. There are no "sane prohibitionists," just the same as there is no "Sane Labor.*' If an individual believes in prohibition, he is an extremist. The reverend politician's definition of "sane" is one who is not an extremist. Very well, Henry, cannot you see that that definition applies equally to the prohibitionist as to Labor. If you believe in a little prohibition, that is to say, closing the' pubs, a little bit earlier and opening them a little bit later, then you. are a' "sane" prohibitionist. If you believe in shutting them up altogether then you are "insane" or extremist prohibitionist. I am not going to say, Henry, where our friend Isi'lt stands on the question of prohibition. I am not quite sure. I know at one time he was as rabid a prohibitionist as 1 was. Thirty years ago I took the chair for our friend at a meeting in Adelaide in South Australia, and I remember how he painted the horrors of drink so vividly that J had D.T.s all the night, and my wife had a hard job to convince mc the next morning that, all the little spots on my hands were mosquito bites and not snake bites. ' The reverend gentleman is a very, convincing speaker. He used to paint the picture of heaven so well that one could almost see the sheen on the

pearly gates. He has altered his pic-] ture somewhat, and to-day hia ideal heaven is a place that holds the bal-j ance of power with a two to one ke.l of Dreadnoughts, submarines, and gas tanks. On earth, as It is In heaven, means to our friend beautiful parks filled not with flowers, 'but with cannons and monuments to fallen heroes. The time may come when he will want Bung erected on a cask surrounded by bottles in the centre of each street. But, as I said before, Henry, no one takes a politician or a fisherman seriously. They are allowed a latitude that would land an ordinary citizen behind iron bars or on a hoi plate. It's a well-known fuel that political meetings are attended for amusement, not for instruction. No one believes that the individual will do or attempt to do the things he promises from the platform when the honorarium has been secured. And the older a man becomes, the nearer to the grave he gets, the more he hugs earth and the things earthly. An old chap with fiery eye and toothless gums rushing a country into war seems a pitiful sight, and I would urge all the young men in the country to get together the next time a war comes along and send the old gentleman back to the fireside and an arm-chair. Henry. Parliament is a place that exists to fool the Dubbs. You want to be fooled, and, of course, you ars fooled, and you ought to be satisfied. Iv the clays of old Dick Seddon we used to have a House of Representatives. The men we sent there were termed' M.H.R.'s or members of the House of Representatives. In those days poor old Dick used to try to represent the people. True, he found the same difficulties as the Labor Party finds to-day. That is the Dubbs didn't, know what they wanted, and tbey were never happy because they never got it. Still, it was a House of Representatives. Then we got a Baronet. Well, you cannot have a Baronet without having a marionette. That, is to say, if the Imperial Junkers clothe the figure they must hold and manipulate the wires that move the figure. We got the Baronet and we lost the House of Representatives. It became a Parliament, and instead of the members representing the people, they became .Members of Parliament. You may say, Henry, that it is the same thing. That is only because you pre a Dubb. Previously we got the iaws the people wanted. Now we get the law. The gentleman that got the j Baronetcy gave the gentlemen who gave the Baronetcy a Dreadnought, | a Dreadnought without asking the [people of New Zealand. Then we got I conscription and all its horrors without r:_kinjr the people. You see. Henry, we to be a colony, now [we are a Dominion. The difference is as great as the North and South. We shall soon become a little garden for the idle tourist from the Cold Country to come and fish for trout and to shoot game. There is to be an Imperial Parliament, and we shall cease to be a country; we shall become a nark. That is, of course, Henry, if you don't wake up. You must wake up or die. Powers which we do not use have the habit of dying out. If you leave a saw long enough without using it, il will rust away, and the same thing applies to brains. IT you don't use your brains you will die ortL llt doesn't take brains to shovel sand, | but you want to pserci_c inning power when the ether fellow | tries to sell you a gold brick. Now, ! for a long, long time you have been jdoped with the offer of this brick. It's ! time you woke up. We must get a ! house, of representatives. If the liaitta ' j-.nd th; Wilferns ami the. P.lls :ind the [ Wards are good enough for you. well f you are good enough for them. Someone has got to pay for the European shindy. That is someone who is alive. You can bet, Henry, those who never worked won't work now. And those who have made pots of money out of the war must now be added to those who won't work. So that, the people who will work must work harder to pay the interest to those who won't work. Say, Henry, how about taking i a hand in the game, and instead of awarding 0.8.E.'s to those who did the skiting and let others do the fighting, how about awarding them the order of the garter? Sir John ■Grabitall, knight of the long-handled shovel. Wouldn't th*t do, Henry? A pair of bow .van gs would look all right ■around the less of some of our dearlybeloved parasites. But you arc hungry. Henry, hungry for work, because you are a Dubb.—THH VAG.