HUMOUR

Manawatu Times, Volume 64, Issue 153, 1 July 1939, Page 11

HUMOUR

“Mary, I must tell you,” said Mrs Brown. ‘ ‘For a considerable time my husband has been complaining of the cooking, the way the table is laid, and the untidy state of the whole house.'' ‘‘Lawks, ma’am," replied the maid, “I wouldn’t bo married to such a grumbler for a fortune!"

The wife of an almost bankrupt business man said at breakfast: ‘‘Will you post this letter for me, dear! It's to the furrier countermanding my order for that £2,000 sable. You'll bo sure to remember! " The eyes of the harassed business man lit up with joy. He seized a skipper rope that lay with some dolls and toys in the corner, and going to his wife, said: “Here, tie my right hand to my left foot so that I won’t forget!"

“I've altered your medicine this week, Tommy," said the doctor. “It’s tablets, not pills." “But I want pills," complained Tommy. “Why, there's no difference." “Isn’t there! Have you tried blowing tablets through a pea-shooter!"

An old man, evidently a stranger to London, stopped a youth hurrying along Piccadilly. “Young man," he said, abruptly, “l want to go to llyde Park." The youth seemed lost in thought for a moment. “Well," he said, at length, “you may go just this once. But you must never a*k me again! "

The small daughter of a racehorse owner, accustomed to stable jargon, was once, unobserved, in the room when her mother discussed the advancing age of the governess and the sad necessity of parting with her. A little voice suddenly pleaded:— “Oh, don't sent her away, Mummie! Can’t you keep her for breeding!" “ What's the matter with your feet!'' asked Sam. “I got corns," explained Eastus. “Why don’t you do something fo: “Why should 1! They never do anything for me! Let ’em suffer."