HUMOUR

Manawatu Times, Volume 62, Issue 5, 7 January 1937, Page 5

HUMOUR

The constable noticed a man walking along with one foot in the gutter and i one on the kerb. “What’s up!' 1 he said. “Are you drunk!” •‘Am I!” said the man. “It certainly looks like it.” “Well, thank heaven for that! I thought 1 was lame.”

The doctor had received an urgent call from the home of a young couple. Arriving, he found the young father on the doorstep, watch in hand. “What's the trouble?” asked the doctor. “Nothing this time, doctor. My wife just wanted to see how quickly you could get here in case she was taken suddenly ill. You did it in four minutes, which is pretty good.”

Good Seasons. Pat was a gardener. His emeployer got tired of his constant mutterings, and one day said to him: “Pat, doesn*t it ever occur to you that your everlasting mutterings and talking to yourself are a great annoyance to other people? Why do you do it?” “Sure, sir, I’ve two reasons,” replied Pat. “One is that I like talking to a sensible man, and the other is that I like to hear a sensible man talk! ”

“The tea-strainer, ma’am? No, ma’am I haven’t been able to find it.” “Then what did you use to strain the tea, Jean?” 4 ‘The fly-swotter did fine, ma’am.” “The fly-smotter, Jean!” “Oh, it's all right, ma’am,’ came the reassuring reply. “I used the old one.”

Cheat An American in {Scotland on business met McGregor, and the conversation turned to golf. “I’d like a game,” said the American with a sigh, “but I’m a very bad player ... I can’t manage any course under a hundred and twenty, I’m afraid”. “Och!’ said McUregor, “I’m worse than you. Verra often I take a hundred and fifty for the course.” “Is that so? Well, now, as we’re so evenly matched, let’s have a game with five shillings on every hole.” “And so it was arranged. Months later, when the New Yorker had returned home, he was telling the story: “And would you believe it, boys,” he wound up, “that lying Scot went round in seventy-oue, and took five shillings off me!”