CURRENT TOPICS

Manawatu Standard, Volume LII, Issue 175, 25 June 1932, Page 6

CURRENT TOPICS

(By “Wayfarer.”)

Scotsman approaching golf C ] U J>house (to caddie): Are ye any good at finding balls? Caddie (keenly): Sure, sir. Scotsman: Then find one and well have a game.

Such is fame! Minnesota University scientists who questioned one hundred kindergarten children found that ninety knew about Colonel Lindbergh, but only fifty-eight had ever heard of Jack and the Beanstalk.

One of the finest raconteurs in England, Rev. Charles S. Forsyth, vicar of Yeadon, is not at all averse from telling a joke or two against the Church. He regarded this one as delightful. A Low Church vicaj went to take, the place temporarily ot a High Church vicar. He stayed at the vicarage, and after dinner the High Church vicar’s wife asked lnm if he would take compline (an evening service). He replied, “No, thank you; I’m teetotal.” * * * * •

Many are the stories told of tha struggles encountered by touring theatrical companies in bygone days, these affording amusing contrasts to the modern theatre. Here is one told by a leading actor at a literary luncheon in London: One prewar company, after deciding to present “East Lynne,” found they had only posters illustrating “A Royal Divoroo.” What was to be done? After much hard thinking they placarded the town with pictures of the Battle of Waterloo and the like, and underneath wero pasted labels “Little Willie’s Dream” 1 * * * * •

It has been customary for the Lords of the Admiralty for centuries to bestow befitting names on His Majesty’s ships, and even all tho jargon of the lower deck does not permit of trespass on such pride-inspiring titles as Lion, Tiger, Dreadnought, Repulse and the like. But a recent incident, or series of incidents at one of H.M. dockyards in England, has served as an excuse to break tiro rule. After a long refit 11.M.5. Curacoa, flagship of the Third Cruiser Squadron, made eight futile attempts to leave for Gibraltar, but each time she had to return owing to engine trouble. Disgusted seamen and sarcastic longshoremen have now dubbed her H.M.S. Maygol

Sand dredging in England often brings to light hidden treasure and unexpected finds. Quite recently two skulls were fished up from the bed of the Ouse near Myton, probably relics of some of the victims of the White Battle of Myton. Later, near the same spot, a York barge dredging for sand ab Low Dunsfortli brought up a small urn, or olla. Believed to bo of Roman origin, tho olla is made of fumed darkgrey clay, is identical in form with those of the Belgic terra nigra, and is of late Celtic' type both ill form and decoration. These bottle-necked ollae were largely used throughout the Roman period. This one was ovoid in ifim, oi inches high, with a diameter of 4J inches at tho bulge, 2J inches at the rim, 2 inches at the base. It was in almost perfect condition.

A beggar, who was carefully watched in rural England, has been found to own a motor-car, in which he tours the country and taps the wells of compassion. From this discovery it has been deduced a trifle hastily that tho modern mendicant is craftier than his forefathers. Wc doubt it. More than a quarter of a century has passed since Conan Doyle wrote “The Man With The Twisted Lip,” and that gifted writer was dealing with one of his contemporaries. He could just as easily have gone for the plot of his story to the mustv pages ot the very remote past in which he would have discovered mendicants who have always been clever enough to prove that beggars can ride.

Who has not heard jazz? Few, if any; yet Sir Thomas Boecham, who returned to England recently from America, the home of the latest form of musical torture, claims that it is beyond his ken under that name. “What is it?” he asks. “Syncopation? In that case Beethoven, Brahms and Bach most of all were jazz writers, for syncopation lias been used by the earliest and greatest composers.” In reply to a question as regards the supposed jazz having its origin in the folk music of the American In chi an, Sir Thomas says: “Their music consists of hymn tunes based on Italian operatic airs. If it has any origin it is in a lot of Hebraio fudge.” Now we know.

Tha difficulty men have in adequately describing the umbrella they have lost reminds a writer of an umbrella experience that was related to him recently. “Not once in a year do I carry an umbrella,” said the man who told the story, “but one very wet morning I had missed the bus to the station, and had just sot out from my gate on foot when I saw an old gentleman, who had also missed the bus and was also umbrellaless, coming along the road. So I dashed back to the house, seized an umbrella and held it over the old gentleman’s shoulders to the station, where wo parted company. I was the last man out of the compartment at Victoria Station, and seeing an umbrella still hanging from the rack, I shouted, ‘Hi, you fellows, somebody’s left his umbrella!’ All denied ownership, however—so I took it to the lost property office, and gave full particulars of its discovery by me. The moment I arrived home in the evening and my wife charged me with fulfilling her expectations by losing the umbrella I realised what I had done.”

One of the most serious, yet humorous incidents of the Great War is re-u-i ** ie d ! ar - v - a reference from "’hick was published a few days ago, of General Gallioni, the French commander who turned the tide of the war m 1914 and saved Paris—and 1 ranee, too, probably—when the Germans jve-e literally at the door of the capital. On that occasion, while the populace of the gayest city in Europe feared the worst and the sound of gunfire could be heard becoming more distinct within its walls, there were to be seen French soldiers of every description being rushed through tiro ?!,{ and , the outlying roads, hither and thither, from sector to sector, not only in lumbering military wagons but m taxi cabs and the most luxurious vehicles Parisian magnates cquld boast. The sight of such vehicles being used in these circumstances applied a touch which helped to preserve stability when all seemed lost. Napoleon said an army moves on its stomach, and this is supported by many of those who crept over No 1914 ffi U the dreai 7 days of I t. jut s ler6 aro countless Frenchmnw™ 0 wIU rec , all that an armv in motor ears served to stem the pap into which it seemed as if the whole poured German horde was being