BRIEF MENTION.

Marlborough Express, Volume XLIII, Issue 144, 16 June 1909, Page 5

BRIEF MENTION.

"A little nonsense now and then, is relished by the wisest men." A schoolmaster is said to have been giving his pupils castor oil as a punishment. The "hard cases" enjoyed the dose, but the "weaklings" had to make a hasty exit from school, and then— thero was a spasmodic, ejection — through the mouth !

It is said that within the past 40 years only one man has ever made good his escape from Dartmoor.

During one year a high police official in N6w York was offered £120,000 in bribes "to look the other way."

The North London Magistrate: "Were you sober?" Witness: "No, sir; I am Irish."

"My child was treated with_ hot formations at the hospital," said a witness at a St. Luke's (London) inquest.

"Now, I'll take your temperature," said a doctor to a Hebrew patient. "You can't, ma tear man! Everydink vos in ma vife's name."

June 16—Born : Edward I. of England, 1239; Sir John Cheke, learned writer, promoter of the study of polite literature in England, 1514. Died: Sir Richard Fanshaw, accomplished cavalier, ambassador to Spain, 1666; Bishop Joseph Butler, 1752.

On the 16th June, 1487,. the last contest between the rival houses of York and Lancaster —the last great battle on English soil—was fought near Stoke, in Nottinghamshire. The fortunes of the Red Rose prevailed, firmly securing the House of Tudor on/ the Throne of England; but the destruction of life Avas >amentable, 6000 men being numbered among tne slain.

To raise the birth-rate lowa offers a bonus of 4s to the mother of every child born in the State. Couples* hovering on the brink of matrimony may now take the plunge without fear.

"Once King Alfonso makes up his mind nothing stops him," says one who knows. As his Majesty has made up his mind to fly around on an aeroplane we fervently hope that nothing will stop him, suddenly. Sunday-school Teacher: ♦Don't you want to be an angel, Tommy?" Tommy: "I ain't in no hurry. The baseball season's comin' pretty soon."

A resident of Marienbad is the possessor of a hat which he values at £200. The hat is woven of straws through which crowned heads have at various times sucked cooling drinks dispensed at a fashionable cafe.

A publican in the East End announces as a special feature of his catering: —"Funeral Baskets.—Contents : Four bottle of spirits, one each port and sherry, and keg of ale. Price 155."

Lady (to applicant for post of caretaker): "And your name?" Applicant: "Mrs 'Edge, please, ma'am. Spelt .with a haitch, same as the 'edges houtside."

The new regulations foreshadowed by the L.C.C. provide that theativs are to be emptied in three minutes. What managers are now looking for is something that will ensure their theatres being filled. !'

New Zealanders in London are looking forward to the opening oi some tea-rooms, 82, Regent Street, \V., the Matinee Tea-roms, which are to be "run" by a young lady from the Dominion. "I

Several weeks ago" a Kansas editor advertised the fact that he had 'ost his umbrella, and requested the finder to keep it. He now reports: "The finder has done so. It pays to advertise."

An ingenious chemist of Austria has invented a self-lighting cigar. It is tipped with a chemical preparation, and when rubbed against a hard substance, such as a wall or the sole of a boot, it ignites like a match.

" And is this man to come into court with unblushing footsteps, with the cloak of hypocrisy in his mouth, and to draw fifteen bullocks out of my client's pocket with impunity?" asked a" barrister. There was no reply.

Isaac (who has just recovered from typhoid): "Doctor, you have charged me for four weeks' calls; I vil pay for only three weeks!" Doctor: "Biit I called on you every day for four weeks, Mr Isaac!" Isaac: "Veil, dere vas one week I was delirious, and I didn't see you come in!"