BRIEF MENTION.

Marlborough Express, Volume XLIII, Issue 117, 15 May 1909, Page 5

BRIEF MENTION.

* . " A little nonsense now and then, is . ' relished by the wisest men."

On the mend—the cobbler

A. surprise shower during the night Sunshine this morning and no frost.

The Highgate magistrate: "Ablack eye is often looked on, as a Badge of matrimony." -

Man is born into trouble, but he manages to pick up a good deal more than he inherits.

A "seapie" weighing more than 2 cwt. was the chief dish at a gathering held at Gorleston (England).

"Did your uncle remember you in his will?"—" Yes; he directed his executors to collect all the loans he had made me."

Of. the 305,488 persons married in England and : Wales in 1850, 118,171 could not write.

Italian tapestries which, once hung round the bed of Margaret of Parma were sold for £5400 in New York.

'"I see that Enos Hand has Just got his high-toned eightr-day clock from that big Chicago store. Enos says that clock will run eight days without winding." "How long will it run if it's wound?"

May 15.—Born: Cardinal Alberoni, Spanish minister, 1664; Constantine, Marquis of Normanby, 1797. Died: Aphraim Chambers (cyclopaedia) 1740; Dr John Wall Callcott, musician, 1821; Edmund Kean, tragedian, 1833; Daniel O'Connell, 1847.

The man: "I may be poor now, but there was a time when I rode in my carriage;" The maid: "Yes; and your mother pushed it!"

He (to his wife, just off for a holiday): Good-bye, darling. I will. write often. She: Yes, do, dear—if it's only a cheque.

"In-Clement" Wragge has a style of oratory peculiarly his own. Here are a few gems from one of his recent lectures:—

"Poor old Adam! What a sneak old Adam wasl"

. "Astronomers cannot. be Atheists, for the more scientific man is brought face to face with the grand, organisation of the Eternal scheme iof the. appalling Cosmos, the more he is, compelled to recognise the existence of that infinite dynamo whom men call God."

"Instead *of going to church, I prefer to ..'go outunto the mighty universe and api; God for wisdom. Can we not pray in the open, in the forests, and by the rivers I (showing a picture of the Manawatu River). Why can't I pray on the Manawatu River f I can go into a quarry, and the stones will preach a sermon. You can ask them questions, and they will answer. Nothing can equal the sermon of a stone." ■

"If an Earthman went to Mercury he could have a splendid game of football. An ordinary kick would send the ball three miles. (Laughter). Mercury being only about 3000 miles in diameter, the pull of gravity is <so much smaller."

"There is no doubt that Mars is inhabited, and Marconi hopes to have communteation set up in a; few years by the means of etheric waves." N

When some cavalrymen' were going through,.r,a aiding drill, one of the men's horses bolted with him, and was making his way towards the stable when an officer met him.

; ''Where are you going?" inquired the officer.

"I don't'know, sir," shouted the cavalryman, as he, flew past. "Ask the horse 1" '• ' ' ■ '.■ • / "^

This is how: a Waikato paper puts it: —"The tall poplars' ' yellowing leaf, the shortening grass, the keen south wind, 'the white-robed chilly frost, the leaf-strewn ground and the sinking milk in ;the big cans, all imite their herald voices to proclaim the approach of winter."

Doctor: The room seems cold, Mrs Hooligan. Have you 'kept the thermometer at 70, as I told you? Mrs Hooligan": Sure, an' Oi hey, docthor. There's th' thing in a toombler ay' warrum wather at this blissid minjnut." / | "This agreement says the-man will | not be liable for damage done by fire or tempest," Judge Williams remarked at the Southwarlc County Court. "You will soon; have to add, 'or invasion-.''' ' ' ' Prison warder: We try to give every inmate work with which he is familiar. What's your trade? ; New prisoner: I'm a professional pedes-" trian. ■ ' "Talk about seasickness! Had I known that Casey was afflicted that way we never should have gone abroad. The very first hour out Casey collapsed, and refused to brace, up again. I tried all sorts of remedies on him, but without avail. All he would mutter was: . , '- " 'Oh, musha, musha, mushai! I'm so Ul!' .-. ■» "Finally I cried out: ■ " 'Can't you keeg anything on your stomach, man?' "'Only my hands, George,' he groaned; 'only my hands V