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"What is a philosopher, says ye? A philosopher, Hinnissy, is a man that is thryin' to make a livin be thinkin' about things that no man can think about without the top iv his head blowin' off. It's a good thing they hare an exhaust valve. If they cudden't talk they'd surely explode, with gr-reat damage to surroundin' thought. But, thank the Lord, whin they get to a point whin they can think no longer without crackin'. they blow out in pothry. Pothry is a kind iv headache cure f'r a philosopher. f "Ye mver heard iv a philosopher? Iv course ye didn't. How shud ye? Nobody iver thought iv calling in a philisopher whin th' baby had th' croup, or th' stove-pipe needed to be took down and cleaned. If" ye were in disthress iv mind ye wouldn't call up four-illeven-forty-four, Cambridge, Mass., an' ask if Doctor James .vas there an' wud he come on an' look ye over. No, sir. But ye're as gr-reat a philosopher as William James. Ye know, f'r instance, that if ye get ye'er feet wet yell have a cold in ye'er head. It is a curyous phenomenon. Ye ought to have th' cold in ye'er ankles, but instead iv that it's m ye'er nose. But ye don't thrry to find out why this here uncanny misfortune has happened to ye. Ye take a dose of rock an' rye, which affects ivrybody ■ else's nose ' but ye'er own, an' wrap up all iv ye'ersilr but ye'er nose in blankets, an' th' next day ye'er nose is well. Ye'er own philosophy which ye use ivry day f'r silfprotection tells ye that if ye don't want a cold in th' head yell keep ye'er feet dhry. But if ye come abound an' told me about this as something wondherful; it isn't a philosopher I'd be callin' ye."

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Bibliographic details

MR. DOOLEY ON PHILOSOPHERS., Marlborough Express, Volume XLII, Issue 127, 30 May 1908

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MR. DOOLEY ON PHILOSOPHERS. Marlborough Express, Volume XLII, Issue 127, 30 May 1908