SOCIALISTIC HUMOUR.

Marlborough Express, Volume XLI, Issue 293, 12 December 1907, Page 6

SOCIALISTIC HUMOUR.

The following condensed report of a conversation between a Socialist propagandist and a group of working men, sent to London Standard by a correspondent, should be of interest to all working men, particularly those who are trade unionists.

The street corner meeting was over, and the Socialist orator, a young man of good education, who, in his address, had made a point of appealing to the "reason" of his hearers, stayed to talk things over with a group of men whose interest had been aroused. Many questions were put to him chiefly by some trade unionists.

"You say that all trades are going to be run by the tSate?"—"Yes.'' "What's the State?"

That was evidently a poser, .but after a moment's hesitation the reply came:—

"The State will be a body expressive of the will of the people."' "That's all right; but all the people can't run the show; somebody's got to be put up to do it." "Yes; and Administration chosen by universal suffrage." "Something like we've got now, only no King and no House of Lords "

With a slight suspicion of haughtiness:—"We do not pretend to die-

tate the exact form the Socialist Government shall take." "Umph! nice mess up there'll be while you're swapping bosses!" The Socialist intimated that he did not understand. "I know what he means," said another man, who had been a sailor; "suppose the officers of the Lusitania wore pulled off the bridge and turned into the fo'castle in the middle of a trip; what 'ud become of the ship while the crew was fightin' it out who was to be skipper?" Here the Socialist went into a long explanation, but the men were not satisfied. They could only see that Socialism meant a change of "bosses," and they wanted to know what sort of "bosses" they were likely to be. "You say everybody's got to work, and nobody'll get mo-re pay than another?" "That's quite right; everybody will receive the wherewithal to live well, and comfortably." The questioner scratched his head. "Lock here," he said, "they make electrical machines _ where I work, pretty complicated things that take a bit of plannin' out; do yer mean to say as the man who designs them'll got no more pay than me?" "He'll get no more." "Well, I'm a fitter, what they call a skilled workman; shan't I get no more than a man who rough files castings ? '' "No." "Then, what's to stop the designer an' me gohV to America; I can get better money there now?" Another long and involved explanation from the Socialist, but the men could not be persuaded that skilled labour would suffer a levelling down process. "Now, we'll suppose your Government's got elected and fixed up; they'd have to put managers and foremen into the works?" The Socialist believed that some arrangement of that sort would be' made. "I should think so," was the retort, "or else there wouldn't be much work done, and I'm thinkin' it'll be pretty bad work in any case, when a good man knows he can't get any more for his trouble than a bad 'un." It was explained that, under Socialism, the cult of self would disappear, and men would use their full powers willingly, out of a high moral sense of duty towards the community. ] The assurance was received with considerable scepticism.

"Now, suppose I had a grievance against my foreman, or the works manager; suppose they put more work on to me than on to some of their pals, could I go to my union?"

"There would be no union; none would be needed. Unions are meant to fight Capitalism, and Capitalism would exist no more."

"Oh! Then who should Igo to?" "There would be no need to go to anyone, it was explained, because there could be no real injustice to complain of under a system like Socialism, which could only act by and through the people." More scepticism.

"Write to the papers," somebody suggested.

"There'd be no papers." "No papers?" "No. Leastwaj's, unless the Gov-

ernment ran papers. Hasn't he told you that all the machinery in the country would be taken by the State; so there could be only Government papers, and it wouldn't be much good writing to them, because the foreman would be a Government man."

Our Trade Unionist was inclined to get angry. What was the use, he wanted to know, of his having paid into a union for ten years? And that suggested another question. "And what about the union funds, and the club funds?" he demanded.

He was told that as neither unions nor clubs would have any field of usefulness in the new state of society, their funds would become the property of the community. Two other men, who had insured their lives, discovered that insurance companies' funds would go the same way as those of benefit societies. They were but moderately satisfied with the assurance that both they and their wives and children would be amply provided for under Socialism. There was a good deal of very plain speaking, and, for a moment, it looked as if the conference would break up in disorder; but the men were curious to know how the Socialist State proposed to get the money, or the money value, to do the wonderful things that were expected of it, and so order was restored and the questioning resumed.