BRIEF MENTION.

Marlborough Express, Volume XXXIII, Issue 155, 5 July 1898, Page 3

BRIEF MENTION.

♦ Bevkbb frostß on the North Island. An earthquake at Napier thiß morning. Irritating dust m Blenheim streets to- day. Moderate sea m the Straits. Kain at 9 a.m. at Weßtport, Hokitika, Gteymoutb, Balolutba, and Bluff. " Uproar "at Bwart'a Hall to-night. The early attendant gets the beet seat. A batch o! 47 new Jay Peea are gazetted. Ho Marlborough appointments. Julias Cseaar is not dead I King Diok has just put him on the J.P. list at Ormond. One of the best " skippers " that ever walked the deok has just been crushed out Of existence. Tha untimely death ot Captain Fairohild will be mourned throughout the colony. On dit. — That most of the looal publicans i* take " only sareaparilla jußt now. A Bmart traveller managed to put a three years' supply on to them, and now it is hardly safe to mention " earsaparilla 1" However, good may oome out of evil even to publioanß and sinners, and there should be a •'wisible" decline m the color of Several nasal organs presently. A notorious eavesdropper— Rain. Marseilles has a woman 107 years old who earns her living by Belling newspapers. Mr Guinnese— " The 40 years which it will take to complete, the Midland Bailway." Mr B. M'Kenzie— " 400 you mean." If only pure milk were cold m London it it lestimated that from 20,000 to 30,000 more Cows would be wanted to keep up the supply. 11 Look at the effeots of mosquitoes if they are Bufßoiently numeroue. Why, they become worse than a raging lion."— Mr J. Hutobesop on the importance of little tbingß. A sermon on " The Sign of the Cross" proved sooh an attraction at a leading Sydney ohurcb that orowds were excluded, and the parßon was persuaded to repeat it the following Sunday. Tesoher : " Now, Bobby, spell needle." Bobby : " N e-i-d le." Teacher: " Wrong; there's no 'i' m needle." Bobby : " Well, 'taint a good needle, then." The Hon Captctin Baillie, complaining of the overheatirig ot the Legislative Council Chamber, said it seemed like a " preparation for frizzling m another place." Owing to severe competition, a sea trip from Melbourne to Sydney oan now be bad for 10s saloon and 53 steerage. The voyage occupies two dayß and two nights. 11 It's marvellous what rasoality there is m the world?" exolaimed the butterman, angrily. "The last ton of lard I bought is bo muoh'adulterated that it is not fit to mix my butter with it," " Many of our old colonists," says Mr O'Meara, " are too old to work, too hone : t to Bteal, and are simply waiting for death." Eenoe the necessity for the Old Age Pensions Bill. Polite Official (at the turnstile, to stout old gentleman)— " Sure, 'tis no ÜBe, Bir. Yell have to oome m by the way out." A political speaker accused a rival ot " unfathomable meanness," and then, rising to the oocasiori, said, " I warn him not to persist m bis disgraceful course, or he'll find that two of us oan play at that game." 11 There is one thing the hon. member won't get me to do co long as I have a head on my ehonlderp, and tbat is to buy mining scrip. "— Mr J. Hutobeeon, replying to an interruption from the mining member for Motueka. An anonymous donor has forwarded to Bißbop Earmer, of Adelaide, the 6um of £200 for the purohaße of a steamer for the Biver Murray mission, and haß also guaranteed for three years the Btipend of a olergy* man for the mission. Ardent young Frenobman : " Pardonnez vioi, vat you oall zat ?" She : " A guitar." He : " Ah, zen, I vas right. I tell my landlady zat you do sing viz your garterre on your knee, and Bhe do laugh. Vy ?" John Bull, m the German Jugend, now takes the form of a portly, comfortable gentleman, with the globe for his waistcoat, over wnioh he vainly straggles to make his coat fasten. "Appotite's all rfght," be is made to exolaim, " but, alack, theßebuttoDß will not meet." When Benjamin F/anklin was starting his newspaper, his mother tried to prevent him. "Oh, Benjamin," said she, "there are already two newspapers m America." To-day, m Amerioa, there are thousands of newspapers, and the number is increasing rapidly. A lady m Soutbport, the mother of a large family of interesting ohildren, has never etruok one blow m anger, When a child docs wrong the keeps a bottle of oastor oil and rhubatb m the oupboard, and »t once forces the culprit to take a dose of the mixture. •• We all know the versatile nature ot the Hon. the Premier. He oan always get out of everything— except the Government benches."— Mr Herries. The Alaskan Miner says, re Klondjke :— A man who had wintered up there for seven years tells us that it was co oold m January that they froze the flames of their candles and Bold them as strawberries. He said that they kept their fires overnight by patting them oat m the air and letting them freeze and then thawing them m the morning.