UNDER THE VERANDAH.

Marlborough Daily Times, Volume X, Issue 314, 30 June 1888, Page 2

UNDER THE VERANDAH.

Nature is the greatest architect of perfection that we kno rv ; yet there are hardly any two things in nature alike, .whether from design or accident it is not ■iii my power to say. Take a simple example to illustrate it. Every human being has one leg a little shorter than the other. To prove this you have only to stand facing an object at a little distance off, then shut your eyes and walk towards it, and you will find that you invariably walk a little to the right or left of it, but hardly ever do you walk iu a straight line towards it. Many who fancied that jthey knew something about tho matter have explained that it is a natural tendency of one side of the body to outwalk the other, but this in the face of it is bosh

Others have asserted it to be the vicious bent of human nature which causes people to try and best every one, and when you have no one else to practice on, ono side of you tries to take an advantage of tbe other. This is also bosh. The true reason is that one leg is shorter than the other, and like an axle witn two wheols, one larger than the other, tho end with the larger wheel will oircumlooute the other ; so it is with the body.

Let a man pay attention to his stylo of walking aud he finds that ho seems to drop on one leg heavier than the other. He may think the bootmaker to blame for making the heels of uneven height, but that’s not the cause. He also finds that he has a tendency to brush ono foot along the ground, now and again nearly tripping himself up, unless lie gets into a habit of lifting his legs like as if he was striughalted, which you notice a good many do, but even then every now and again he comes down with a thump on the short leg.

Then take tho ladies. What is it that makes' a lady, if she bo walking a fow paces in front of a gentleman, always fahey that there is something out of place ? When so situated she is conscious of being admired aud tries to do her best, and this consciousness makes her aware of a defect, •Kutfaho cannot locate it- It is that short leg agu’-i.

I defy almost any lady to walk fifty paces in front of anyone without her fancying that her dress improver bumps more on one side lhan tho other, and she naturally thinks that it is because it is not on straight and that whoever is behind her can notice it; but I can assure the dear creatures that that is not the case, although I have seen some that I should call slightly out of plumb, but generally it is the fault of nature in making one leg shorter than the other.

We do many things unconsciously. If you notice people walking along in front of shop windows, as I do from my vantage point under the verandah, you will notice that although when walking along they are slightly lopsided, they do not seem to notice it, but as soon as they get to a shop window and catch a glimpse of their figures, they square their shoulders and try to overcome the natural defect caused by the short leg; e ' the same time, they are not aware of the cause that makes them act so.

It is useless to try and remedy the defect, because once you have arrived at maturity it is -oo late, and in youth you aro too careless. The best thing to do is to continue in your blissful ignorance and imagine you can wall: straight and that your legs are fellows of even length.

Suicides and attempted suicides are vary prevalent just now. Felo-de-se is naturally a thing of the past. If aiaaa a:needs in committing tho crime, if crime it can be called, the verdict invariably is that he was of unsound mind, and a vo:e of condolence is passed by a jury of ms countrymen sympathising with him in bis bereavement. If he fails to commit tbe crime he is made a felon,, brought up before the beak, and still further exci'ed in his mental state so that he may try i

utruin, the next time more successfully. If a mtiti is nearly always of unsound mind —vide jury verdicts—who manages t> comph'te the crime; why not a man who .! tempts it be of unsound mind and be treated asja lunatic? The whole thing seems on a par with some of the bankruptcy cases. When a man fails who has absolutely nothing to loße, he gets sympathised with, and is encouraged to do it again ; but if he has been foolish enough to pull up and file while there is anything left to divide, the creditors will tear him to pieces. Moral —better go the whole hog.

How larrikins are made. Very few parents there are who do not pass remarks on want of proper bringing up of children when they have been made the butts of larrikin wit. But do they take proper measures to prevent their own children becoming such when they grow old enough to leave the old birds and fly out ou their own account. To judge by the sight to be seen at night in the streets, I am certainly of the opinion that they do not. You see children of tender years flocking the streets at hours when they should certainly be at rest under the parental wing ; provided, of course, that the parental wing is in its proper place—home.

I have seen a crowd of both sexes out at night, enough to make one think that some orphanage or industrial school had broken loose. These children roam about and pick up the habits which in after years make them a curse instead of a blessing to their parents. Filial obedience has not been instilled into them during the yeurs when they might be brought across the parental knee, and have their sweet wills curbed, and us a consequence when they get too big for that kind of control, and develop into hoodlums, it is too late for the parent to grieve over the vicious course their offspring may then be expected to pursue.

Boys of nine or ten years of age are to be seen going about smoking cigarettes, and aping tho ways of adults, using filthy language, and making themselves a nuisance to all and sundry. There should be a vigilance committee, and the members of it should have power to visit these urchins with condign punishment on behalf of the public welfare, as the parents must have ceased to take auy interest in them when they permit them to roam at such hours of their own will.

What shall we do with our girls ? This question has been asked times out of number, and always answered indefinitely. I might enumerate a few of the things that we should not do with them. "We should not encourage them, at any rate until they are ton or eleven years of age, to mimic the ways of women. Wo should not dress them out with hustles until they are over five years of age. We should not allow them to run about at all hours in all sorts of promiscuous company. We should teach them to look on attaining a know - ledge of housekeeping as preferable to learning to rink, and dance, and follow the ways of idleness and folly, and then we might look forward to a generation of useful settlers, who would be a benefit to themselves and the country.

One of our noteworthy citizens got married. I do not chronicle this fact from it being in any way uncommon, as it seems to be a genoral failing, and alas ! I shall soon be alone like '‘The last rose of summer.” only uot very blooming. .He had a double-storey cake for the occasion. The top storey was duly consumed in accompanying the ordinary toasts on such occasions, and sending round to fair maiden ß to make their teeth water. The second flat, or ground floor, was put away to save the cost of a christening cake. But “ the best laid schemes of mice anil men aft gang aglee” —(Tennyson). There were several young men hoarding in the house, and one evening when the bride was away, and the redoubtable Sam out, these voracious youths wont to the cupboard and tackled the cake, and had got pretty well through it before they found out what they were demolishing. The way that unborn millions in all ages have been robbed of their heritage !

Two of our gay and festive youths went into the country lately to speud a night. A lady visitor bad rigged up a contrivance on the end of the bed with a string attached, so that when the young men had retired and embraced Murphy—this is the god of sleep—their slumbers were disturbed by a terrible row. They started up, and voted it to be an earthquake ; they then thought it might be somebody trying to break into the premit# t, so go* up to investigate. One of them thoughtfully remarked that they should not speak too loudly as it might disturb the inmates, and what was more probably in their minds, attract the marauders’ attention to themselves. All the while the young lady was in the next room enjoying the joke, not the least at’raid.

It is rumored that our quondam friend with the “ sub cription list ” has a shot in his locker that will rather nonplus the Sergeant. The German is rather bard to prove, so he is going to plead that he was raising the money for the benifit of the lawyer, as he thinks it will be easier by following that course to prove the legitimate disposal of it.

From observations takrn at the halfmile rink contest, I think it would be wise on the part of one very gree >■ member to get a bustle out of the shop when he. next tries on the rollers, as I think he will find it extremely useful.

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