EPIGRAMMATICALLY SPEAKING

Lake Wakatip Mail, Issue 4452, 30 January 1940, Page 4

EPIGRAMMATICALLY SPEAKING

(From Ambrose Bierce’s “The Devil’s Dictionary”) Politeness: The most acceptable hypocrisy. Revolution: In politics, an abrupt change in the form of mismanagement. Patience: A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue. Fashion: A despot whom the wise ridicule and obey. * Coward: One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs. Duty: That which sternly impels us in the direction of profit along the line of desire. Education: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding. Noise: A stench in the ear. Undomesticated music. The chief product and authenticating sign of civilisation. TALES OUT OF SCHOOL As told by Beverley Baxter, M.P., in a Canadian magazine. Winston Churchill hoped for the job (of Minister for Co-ordination of Defence). For some time the newspapers speculated until the names of all our supermen were exhausted. Then Premier Baldwin .made the announcement. The choice had fallen on Sir Thomas Inskip. The news was conveyed to Winston Churchill. “It must be a typist’s error,” said Winston. Chatfield (Lord Chatfleld, now Minister for the Co-ordination of Defence) was a partner with Beatty in the latter’s historic order at the Battle of Jutland. Two British battleships had been blown up and a British cruiser had just been sunk.

“ There seems something wrong with our ships to-day, Chatfleld,” snapped Beattty. “ Steer two points nearer the enemy.”

TEN COMMANDMENTS OF RATIONING (Published by arrangement with ‘The Times’) Evidence of the effectiveness of the Allied blockade is provided by ‘Angriff’ of November 1. In an article on permits for purchasing commodities, 10 “commandments” are given for applicants, and another 10 for officials. Among the commandments for the former are: — Think 10 times before deciding that you want a thing. Think that others want it more than you. Claim only what you lack. Don’t regard the official as your mortal enemy. Don’t grouse over a refusal, it is not directed against you, but for all.