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ANOTHER CRINOLINE CASE. •• Young Helen was Ihe fairest, (lower," says some poetic MYuill, Mi/ Helen was the fairest flower that, bloomed in Fetter Lane; Her pretty faee and winning air soon stole my heart away, I turned quite giddy when, at length, she named the happy day; We went to Brighton for a week —they charged an awtul price; I wished that week might never end—oh, dear, it was so nice; The world was nothing to us two, our lives were all serene, I had no thought of riches then, nor she of crinoline. I don't know now what caused lis first to think of leaving home; 'Twas thoughts of future babbies, perhaps, that tempted us to ronm; But seas were crossed, and dangers braved, and storm, and heat, and cold, And we arrived to hear the news, and see the rush for gold; And I went, too, among the rest, and labored for a while, And fortune kindly smiled on me—l made a little pile; Oh, happy thought, what joy to me, mv feelings none can toll; I now had gold to give to her—to her I loved so well. As winter came, we all were forced to leave that land of mist; And rain, and sleet, and snow, where none but Scotchmen can exist; With steam and sail we left the south, as fast as boat could go, But oh, the way seemed long that day, the steamer very slow; I reached the port, my breast assailed with nameless vague alarms — I sought the house, and eager ran to fold her in my arms, She sprang to meet me, as of old, but something came between, Oh, sad to tell, I could have fell—she'd got a crinoline! "What could this be, this monstrous thing, that covered half the floor ? Was this the Nelly I had left a few short months before ? Where were the pretty little feet I worshipped day by day? Beneath this mighty mass of hoops, hid fathoms deep away; Herself past reach, I might as well have tried to grasp the moon; I scarce could touch her finger ends across the vast balloon ; To gain her turns by force I tried, but no way could be seen; And, wild with rage, I galloped round and round the crinoline! What could I do ? for some weak place I sought, before, behind; I tried to climb her, but in vain, no foothold could I find; I took a chair to reach her so—'twas useless, as before — The chair upset, and down I came, all sprawling on the floor; And she, poor girl, 'twould draw a tear, I'm sure, from any saint; Her cheek grew pale, her eye grew dim, I knew she meant to faint. She doubled up just like a hinge, her head against the wall ; The horrid framework held her up, and wouldn't let her fall. I called for help, the neighbors all came running to the spot; Up-ended her, or laid her down, I've really quite forgot; I looked with horror in her face, as motionless she lay; The crinoline still stuck up like a mighty stack of hay; I seized an axe, or else a knife—it might have been a saw; And at it went, on vengeance bent—Judge Lynch's style of law; I wrought with all my might and main, and presently was seen, Strewn all around, upon the ground, the ruined crinoline! And still she lay as cold as clay, I really thought her dead; To bring her to, I poured three pails of water on her head; Brown paper, too, I must have burnt a quire, as I suppose; At length she showed some signs of* life —I think I burnt her nose; She saw the ruins, and I thought she meant to faint again, I felt a wretch for what I'd done—l knew it gave her pain, But when she smiled, oli ; dear! —but why dwell longer on the scene P We boiled the kettle for our tea with Nelly's crinoline! Such things are made, like charity, to cover many sins: [ told her they were made to hide bent legs and gouty shins, A.nd help to sweep the muddy streets, by carting home the dirt, And how the lowest women were the widest in the skirt; It needed little argument—my words went to her heart; 'Twould be a sin to let such things keep man and wife apart. So she resumed the good old style—you all know what I mean—■ She wears a feather pillow now, and not a crinoline. Timaru. J- T. M.

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Page 3 Advertisements Column 2 Lyttelton Times, Volume XIX, Issue 1091, 25 April 1863

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