The Lover's Pride.—There is no period of life so happy as that in which a thriving lover leaves his mistress after hearing her say " Yes." When the promise has once been given to him, he is as a conqueror who has mastered half a continent by his own strategy. It never occurs to him, he hardly believes, that his success is no more than that which is the ordinary lot of mortal man. He never reflects that all the old married fogies, whom he knows and despises, have just as much ground for pride, if such pride were enduring, that every fat silent, dull, somnolent old lady whom he sees and' quizzes, has at come period been deemed as worthy a prize as his priceless galleon ; and so deemed by as bold a captor as himself. Some one has said that every young mother when her first child is born, regards the babe as the most wonderful production of that description which the world has yet seen. And this, too, is true. But I doubt even whether that conviction is so strong as the conviction of the young successful lover, that he has achieved a triumph which should ennoble him down to late generations. As he goes along he has a contempt tor other men; for they know nothing of such glory as he. As he pores over his Blackstone he remembers that he does so, not so much that he may acquire law, as that he may acquire Fanny; and then all the other porers over Blakstone are low and mean in his sight—are mercenary in their views and unfortunate in their ideas, for they have no Fanny in view.— Antliony Trollope. American Humor.—The most obvious characteristic of American humor is its power of " pitching it strong," and drawing the long bow It is the humor of exaggeration. This consists of fattening up a joke until it is rotund and rubicund unctuous, and irresistible as Falstaff himself who was created by Shakspere, and fed fat, so as to become for all time the very impersonation of humor m a state of corpulence. That place in the geography of the United States called "Down East 'has been most prolific in the monstrosities ot mirth. Only there would a treed coon have «"{T .J 0 * c marksman with his gun pointed, Don t fire, colonel, I'll come down." Only in that region do they travel at sucli speed that the iron rails get hot enough to serve the carriages with heat instead of hot-water bottles, and sometimes so not, that on looking back you see the iron writhing about like live snakes trying to wriggle off to the water to cool themselves. Only there do they travel so last that the signal-whistle is of no use for their engines, because, on one occasion at least, the train was in a collision, long before the sound of the whist c got there. Only there can a blow be struck so slick as to take an animal's ear off with such ease, that the animal does not know that he is one ear short until he puts his forefoot up to scratch it. Only there, surely, are the thieves so cute that they drew a walnut log right out of its bark, and left five sleepy watchers all nodding as they sat .astride a tunnel of walnut-wood rink-North British Review Keisons for Wearing the Moustache —A curious inquirer has been able to draw up a table ot the different reasons for wearing a mustache Having questioned not fewer than one thousand persons so adorned, their answers have helped him to the following result .—To avoid shaving, 69 • to avoid patching cold, 32; to hide their teeth, 5 to take away from a prominent nose, 5; to avoid being taken as an Englishman abroad, 7; because they are m the array, 6; because they are Rifle Volunteers, 221; because Prince Albert does it 2 • because it is artistic, 29; because you are a singer', 6 ; because you travel a deal, 17; because you have hved long on the continent, 1; because the wife likes it, 8; because it acts as a respirator, 29----because you have weak lungs, 5; because it is healthy, 77; because the young ladies admire it, 4.71; because it is considered "the thing," 10----because he chooses, 1. ' The English as Rulers.—At a late railway banquet at Rajmahal (Bengal), Lord Canning, who presided, said:—" Gentlemen,—lt is no use to deny or conceal it, for it is known to all the world —we, Englishmen, with all our great national characteristics, are not, as a people, conciliatory or attractive. God forbid that any of us should feel ashamed of his national character, or wish it to be other than it is. But none amongst us will deny that the very virtues of that character are not seldom exaggerated into faults. We are powerful in bodj^and in mind, and are proud of that power. We are self-reliant, and justly so,—and we like to show our self-reliance. We are conscious of our high purposes and enlightenment, and we are apt to look down upon those whose motives we believe to be less worthy than our own, or whom we regard as debased in ignorance—and we do not care to conceal our feelings. These feelings are not inconsistent with our national greatness. In the days of slavery, Englishmen were amongst the hardest taskmasters that the African ever had ; but England did not hesitate to spend her gold and her blood lavishly for the suppression of the slave trade and we poured out our £20,000,000 like water) when we found that it was the only means by which to rid ourselves of the curse of slavery. But gentlemen, no people, whatever their condition, will patiently bear to be treated by their rulers as though they were much less than men ; less rational, less capable of right feeling than those who rule them. If we attempt, individually or collectively, to do this—if we neglect to win the hearts of those over whom Providence has placed us—if, instead of seeking to inspire them with confidence, we take for our maxim that the people of India should, be governed as a-conquered people, which, as I understand it, means that they should be governed by sheer force; if, in our pride or impatience, we refuse to show forbearance and indulgence to the weakness and shortcomings which offend us, we shall not worthily represent England in the great work which lies, before her, and we shall assuredly fail to accomplish it. I have been led to make these observations because I desire to express the great satisfaction with which I have watched the spirit in which all dealings or relations of v the East ' India Railway Company have been conducted. It bears upon a subject the importance of which I cannot exaggerate; and in regard to which there is not one Englishman in India, from the Governorgeneral in his camp to the artizan seeking his livelihood, who does not carry in his keeping a portion of the credit and good name of England. Negro Eloquence.—A coloured gentleman, George Edward Fitz-Augustus, while in Washington market; walked up to the waggon of a fat countryman, and after peering for some time at his stock, inquired—" Are those good taters ?" " Yes, sir!" responded the countryman. " A tater," resumed George Edward Fitz-Augustus, " is inevitably bad unless it is inwardly good. There is no mediocrity in de combination ob a tater. The exterior may appear remarkably exemplary and beautisome, while the interior is totally negative. But sir, if you wends the article on your own recommendation, knowing you to be a man of probability in your transactions, I, without any furder circumlocations, takes a" bushel ob dat superior wegetable." It costs a great deal more to be miserable than to be happy.

This article text was automatically generated and may include errors. View the full page to see article in its original form.
Permanent link to this item

http://paperspast.natlib.govt.nz/newspapers/LT18610327.2.16

Bibliographic details

Lyttelton Times, Lyttelton Times, Volume XV, Issue 874, 27 March 1861

Word Count
1,314

Lyttelton Times Lyttelton Times, Volume XV, Issue 874, 27 March 1861

  1. New formats

    Papers Past now contains more than just newspapers. Use these links to navigate to other kinds of materials.

  2. Hierarchy

    These links will always show you how deep you are in the collection. Click them to get a broader view of the items you're currently viewing.

  3. Search

    Enter names, places, or other keywords that you're curious about here. We'll look for them in the fulltext of millions of articles.

  4. Search

    Browsed to an interesting page? Click here to search within the item you're currently viewing, or start a new search.

  5. Search facets

    Use these buttons to limit your searches to particular dates, titles, and more.

  6. View selection

    Switch between images of the original document and text transcriptions and outlines you can cut and paste.

  7. Tools

    Print, save, zoom in and more.

  8. Explore

    If you'd rather just browse through documents, click here to find titles and issues from particular dates and geographic regions.

  9. Need more help?

    The "Help" link will show you different tips for each page on the site, so click here often as you explore the site.

Working