Odds and Ends.

Lake County Press, Issue 2512, 15 January 1914, Page 7

Odds and Ends.

George Stephenson's engine, tho Rocket, weighed 4J tons, while a modern engine can weigh as much as IUO tons. The boots worn by a professional diver weigh 201b. each. Tho helmet weights 401b., and the diver also carries 801b. additional weight. The number of persons in receipt of old-age pensions in the United Kingdom at the end of 1912 was 966,008, of whom 362,628 were men. There are no fower than 1,200,000, 000 tons of coal deposits in Japan. This coal is now being mined at the rate of 14,000,000 tons a year. The Professor—You say you are engaged in some original research. Upon what subject? Young Student—l'm trying to discover why the ink won't flow from my fountain pen unless I placo it in an upright position in the packet of a light fancy vest. "Will you have the kindness to take my overcoat to town in your motor rrtr?" inquired Mr. Dalton of his more prosperous suburban neighbour one cool morning. "Certainly," was the response, "but how will you get it again?" "Very easily; I shall remain in it." Tho old sailor was complaining that he was a little deaf in his left ear. "Well," responded his acquaintance, "you're no longer young, you know, and" ■ "It's not my age," interrupted tho old sailor; "sure, me right ear's as old as the left one, and I can hear in that." "What are you using bad language about?" inquired the farmer. "Oh," j growled the motorist, "this machine's broken down and I can't get it to go." "You're in luck!" said the farmer, "the last man I saw round here got all broke because he could'nt get his j to stop." Teacher—Willie, did your father whip you for what you did in school yesterday? Willie—No. ma'am; he said the licking would hurt him more j than me. Teacher—What nonsense! Your father is too sympathetic. Willie ( —No. ma'am ; but he's got rheumatism | in both arms. Little Nora (aged eight, to Edith, ! aged ten) —What! A big girl like you Dlaying with a Teddy bear? Edith— Yes, haven't you got.one? Nora—■ Mine is locked up in the cupboard, where it shall stop until I am married, when I may bring it out for my children to play with. Edith—What if you don't have any children ? Nora—Well, then.- in that case it will do .for my grandchildren. A blank crop report was sent »ut by an Ohio paper for the farmers to fill out, and the other day a paper came 'nek with tho following written on the blank side in pencil—"All we've got in this neighbourhood is three widders, two school-ma'ams, a patch of. wheat, the hog cholera, too much rain, about 50 acres of taters, and a durn fool who married a cross-eyed gal because sho owns 80 sheep and a mule, which tho same is me, and no more at present." At the close of his talk before a Sunday school the bishop, invited questions. A tiny bov with white, eager face at once held up his hand. "Please, sir," said he, "why was Adam never a baby?" The bishop coughed, in doubt as to what answer to give, but a little girl, the eldest of several brothers and sisters, came promptly to his aid. "Please, sir," she answered smartly, "there was nobodv to nurse him." ' His Proposal. He : "Will you marry me ? I have a bachelor uncle who is worth a million She: "No; but you might introduce me to your uncle." The Lesser of Two Evils. Tramp: "This morning a cook gave me a piece of cake to eat and some wood to chop up, but I had to take em hack and ask her if she'd mind if I ate the wood and chopped the cake. ' A Passive Resister. Mistress: "Don't deny it, Bridget. I saw you permit that policeman to kiss vou last evening." ' Bridget: "Well, ma'am, you wouldn't have me locked up for resisting an officer, would ye?" Could Oblige. Guard: "Now, then, miss, get in quick, please; the train is just going to start." Young Lady: "But I want to give mv sister a kiss." Guard: "Get in ; I'll see to that. The Logical Irishman. An Irishman found a sovereign in the street, which proved to be light, and he could only obtain 19s. 3d. for Soon after, chance threw another in his way, but Pat exclaimed—"L'v'tho powers, I'll have nothing to do with you, for I lost 9d. by the last one I found." Lucky Peter. The rector was sitting in his study, hard at work on tho following Sunday s sermon, when a visitor was announced. She was a tall, muscular woman, and when the minister set a chair for her, she opened fire somewhat brusquely:— "You are Minister Jenkins, ain't vou?" "I am," he replied. "Well, maybe you'll remember o marryin' a couple o' strangers at your church a month ago?" "What were the names?" asked the clergyman. "Peter Simpson an' Eliza Brown,' replied the woman,-, '.'and I am Eliza "Are you, indeed?" said the minlsKer. "I thought I remembered seeing voiir face before, but——" , "Yes," interrupted the viwtor. "I'm her all right, an' I thought as how I ought to drop in an' tell you that Peter's escaped!"