“THOU SHALT HOT TICKLE.”

King Country Chronicle, Volume XIX, Issue 2050, 2 December 1924, Page 6

“THOU SHALT HOT TICKLE.”

•TUMOUR FOUND IN ENGLISH LAW BOOKS. A law library is scarcely the place to which the average man would go in search of humour; and yet material far many a hearty laugh lies hidden away in the pages of volumes which are otherwise “dry as dust,” says “Tit Bits.” TlJas an Act of George 111 describes that a certain penalty shall be given “half to the King and half to the poor of the parish”—a highly patriotic provision, one agrees, until on reading further we discover that the penalty of which his Majesty is to have a moiety is, not a, substantial sum of money, but a. term of penal servitude! One can indeed imagine that King George would have preferred to stand in the place of that Governor who figures in a clause in the Irish Bank Bill of 1808, which provides that “fthe profits shall be equally divided and the residue go to the Governor.” Another enactment of these liumorofas legislative days, a statute for the rebuilding of Chelmsford Gaol, provided that the prisoners should remain in their old quarters until their successor was built—indifferent fco the fact that the new gaol was to be constructed out of tlio materials of its predecessor. After this one is better prepared for the startling enactment in an Irish Bill that “every quart bottle shall hold a quart.” TIME LIMIT FOR THE GUILTY. But one need not go back to these musty days to find hum oh r in our own statute book. The laws which are being administered ito-day simply bristle with absurdities. Thus, if a person wilfully injures another and death follows as the result of the injury ■ within a year and a day, the aggressor may be indicted for murder. But let another day dawn before the charge is made, and he can snap his fingers at the law. t Similarly you cannot charge a man with burglary hiniess he not only “enters” but “breaks.” Tims, if a door or window is obligingly left open and be strolls in and takes your silver lie is no “burglar” in 'the eyes of the law. Nor is be if the house chosen for bis attentions is not a “dwellinghouse,” or if be uses bis jemmy at any time after six o’clock in the morning and before nine o’clock in the evening, though the deed may be dore in an hour of darkness in winter. Such are a few typical absurdities of our own laws; but for real humour we must cross the Atlantic, where freak legislation is as much the fashion as freak banquets. Thus a Nebraska statute forbids, under heavy penalties, tho “discharging of any firearm on or within sixty yards of a public road or highway, j except to destroy some wild, ferocious, or dangerous beast, or an officer in tho discharge of his duty.” Another law provides that, on proof of the violation of a certain Act, “tho Justice shall render judgment for the whole amount of fine and costs, and be committed to the common gaol until tho sum is paid.” Ndt to he outdone by a rival State, Pennsylvania once passed a law enacting that the “State House Yard, in the City of Philadelphia, shall be surrciund'ed by a brick wall, and remain an open enclosure for ever” ; and the wiseacres of Virginia, contributed “A Supplement, to an Act entitled an Act making it penal to alter Itlie mark of an unmarked hog.” FOOTBALL ILLEGAL. Ndt many years ago the Arkansas . Legislature distinguished itself by making the game of football illegal, and punishable by a heavy fine; but its statute book contains no laws quite so remarkable as some which have been discussed (and some of them passed) in other American States. Thus in New York we have a Bill to protect bashful brides and grooms from the stares of the curious, by allowing them to send marriage applications by a messenger; and another to establish water-waggons for the carrying through the streets of habitual drunkards.

Kansas, not content with proposing to tax bachelors over forty-five 25 dollars a. year, has an ordinance, strictly enforced in the town of Gridley, “making it unlawful for any person to practise tickling on another person, under a penalty not exceeding twentyfive dollars, and he shall stand committed (to the city gao.l until the said fine and costs are paid,” The tickling is made comprehensive enough to include “punching another person with thumb or finger,” and thus would include a playful and friendly dig in the ribs. GLAD TO PAY. In Chicago a man, whatever the provocation, mfcist not slap his wife unless he is prepared to pay a fine varying from one dollar for a slap with the left hand to five dollars for a slap “while sitting down.” One thoroughgoing husband qualified for 'the whale series recently, and handed over his eleven dollars “like a. man,” declaring that it was “cheap at the price.” Illinois has had quite an orgy of freak legislation lately, with Bills “to limit the length of women’s hatpins to nine inches and to make them take rtut permits for longer ones, just like all other deadly weapons” to prohibit bachelors from being called “mister,” their first or last names only being used, “so that no one can he deceived” ; and to prohibit drunkards from marrying, stipulating that every bridegroom must make an affidavit that he has not been intoxicated more than twice during the previous year. Utah poses as a champion of cleanliness with a Bill to make it a misdemeanour not to bathe at least once a week; and Oregon has a law compelling hotels to provide nine-foot bed sheets of linen or good cotton. Texas is well in the van with ordinances to make it a criminal offence to swear over the telephone; to require all drinkers of alcoholic liquors to take out a fivo-dollar license; and to make it a penitentiary crime to steal a chicken. Maryland discussed a. Bill making it a misdemeanour for a woman to appear in a public place in a hat with a greater diameter than ten inches, the misdemeanour to be purged by a fine varying from the equivalent of £2 to £2O; and Colorado is prepared to punish anyone who gives or takes a tip, “except only in the case of a sleepingcar porter.”