WISE AND OTHERWISE.

King Country Chronicle, Volume XII, Issue 1224, 14 June 1919, Page 6

WISE AND OTHERWISE.

I have sold my typewriter. \'<m were sensible. Jinx married.- his. • ••■». He: Well, if you want to know it, I married you for your money. She I wish I could tell you as easily what 1 married you for. • • • • m Polly: Miss Ycllowleaf is going to marry a struggling young man. Dolly: It's no use for him to struggle. I don't suppose he can get away from her. • • • • My wife went to town to-day to get a good plain cook. Did she get oncT 1 don't know whether shes a good one yet, but she's plain all right. • • » • * He: Someone told me that I was decidedly handsome. She: When was that. He: Yesterday. She: No. I mean., when were you handsome? • * * # » Friend: Of course, there are all sorts of cooks—good, bad, and indifferent. Mrs. Holmes: Well, I've found them good and bad—but all indifferent. • ••#*' Tommy: One of the boys says I look like you. Tommy's Father: And what did you say? Tommy: I couldn't say anything—he's a good .bit bigger thaD me. • • • • • Tired Tim (to laborer on a new railroad) : When do you expect to have the first train run over this road ? Laborer: In six months. Tired Tim: All right; I'll wait. • » • » •

I saw an old-fashioned picnic party starting off this morning:. It made me feel grlad. Glad to see others enjoying: themselves, eh? No, g-lad becauaa I hadn't to go. # • • • * Judge: You say that because of injuries inflicted by your wife you have been unable to follow your vocation? What is your business? Mr. Strong:: Your honor, I am a lion-tamer. • « • » • I thought your doctor torn" you you'd have to get out of this climate? He did, but I couldn't arrange my business affairs so as to be able to get away, so I had to change my doctor. ♦ * * * Salesman (lately promoted to curio 'Jcpartment): This nr -., madam, was originally made for the Duke of Buckingham, who gave it to Anne of Austria. We're selling a lot of them.

Prima Donna: I have here a certificate from a doctor to the effect thai ( can't sing to-night. Manager: Why 50 to all that trouble? I'll give you a certificate that you never could »ing. • • • • Briggs: I have made a will leaving my brain to the hospital and just got an acknowledgment from the authorities. Loity: Were they pleased? Briggs: They wrote that every little helps. • » • * » Mr. Economic: Did you write to the man who advertises to show people aow to make puddings without milk and have them richer? Mrs. Economie: Vcs, and sent him a shilling. What did he reply? Use cream. » # # * *

Father: I don't believe that young man loves you as much as he says. Daughter: Why. father, he writes such slear and sensible letters. Father: That's just it. Who ever heard of a lover writing sensible letters? • * * * »

The Teacher (reading): "Then the girl warrior fared the mocking foe and unsheathed her deadly weapon." What docs that mean, children? Well, Elsie? Elsie: please, ma'am I think it she stuck out her tongue.

He doesn't really love you. He's after your money. But if las love* were not genuine how could he put so much! fervour into his wooing? Oh, a man can dig up considerable fervour when he has to marry money or go to work. • * ' • • »

Now, Archie, asked the schoolmistress dilating on the virtue of politeness, if you were seated in a tramcar, every seat of which was occupied, and a lady entered, what would you do? Pretend I was asleep, came the prompt *«ply.

Mr. Dash said sternly one day to his little son: Your mother and I agree that you require a sound whipping. The small boy's lips curled, and he retorted, bitterly: Ob. yes, that's the only thing that you and mother ever do agree about! • * * * •

Mr. Jackson: I understand that tha* young man who comes to &ec you so often is anxious to become an actor? His Daughter: Yes. pa. He wants to appear before the footlights. Mr. Jackson : Well, he'd better disappear before my foot lights. • • • • « Ho (wondering if his rival has been accepted): Are both your rings heirlooms? She (eoncealing her hand): Oh. Jcar, yes. One lias been in the family in", tho timo of Alfred, but the other is **vcr (blushing) it only dates from tho conquest. <• • • • * Gladys: Iteggie dear, there is something of the old-time love-light ; n your eyes to-night—something about you that reminds me of those sweet days of long ago. I hope you have R"Zgie: Yos, I have a little left. How much do you want this time? « • • * " Miss Dainty (after listening to Colonel Blnffem's narrow escape): Is it possible? I do not understand how the bullet could strike directly over your heart and not kill you." Colonel Kluf fern: Well ~r nr you my lirrr-t wae in my mouth. 199