WISE AND OTHERWISE.

King Country Chronicle, Volume XII, Issue 1219, 3 June 1919, Page 3

WISE AND OTHERWISE.

• • • • • What is a primeval forest. Pat? A pine where the hand of man has nevor s*t font. • • • • * You say Miss Peach inherited her lovely complexion? Yes; her father was a painter, too. • *•••.- I know how to manage my wile. Yon do? Oh, yes; but she's so ob«:i----nate she won't let me. • ♦ • • • Oo home with your wife and settle your troubles out of court. No. your honor, I refuse to strike a woman! • • • • * Willie: I* this hair oil in the bottle, ma? Ma: No; that's liquid glue- Willi-: That's why I «*an'l get my hat off. • • • • • There's a young man who makes bttte things count. How does he do it? Teaches arithmetic in the infants' school. • # » * • Jiggs: Weren't you surprised at the way thing* turned out? Jagg": No; I expected that the unexpected would happen. • • • • • Miss flute: He told me once that I was quite pretty. Miss Chcllus: Yes, he also told me that you were quit* pretty—once. « • • • • Jones: Brown is very careful about bis children, isn't he? Jenkins: Yes; he's trying to bring them up in th» way he shoukl have gone. • • * • •

Mrs. Bcnham: What arc these food riots that I read about. Henry? Mr. Benham: We'll have one here if jour's doesn't improve. • • • • • Mrs. Jawksns: I heard something this aftenxron that fairly knocked me speechless.! Mr. J.: Do you mind repeating it to the baby, my dear?" • » * • I wonder, said the bald boarder, why • fight is called a scrap? Because it is a broken peace, the cheerful idiot explained,, with lit* ti»ual promptitude. • * * • « Mabel: I would never marry a man I did not love. Maudit*: But .suppose a really wealthy man should propose? Mabel: I should love him, of course. * • ♦ * * Business Man: I say, did you sweep tho office out this morning? Office Boy: No, sir. The feat you suggest borders upon the impossible. 1 swept the dirt out. sir. ♦ * * * * Tommy: "My brother made ugly faces at you yesterday, and you didn't dare to fiyht. You pretended you didn't notice 'im." Eddie: "J didn't, either. 1 thought they was natural/' • # • » » Papa: "What a l»oy you are to ask question*. Johnny. I never used to a*k so many question, when I was a t>y." Johnny: "Perhaps if yon had, papa, you might be able to answer ftonte of mine."

"My hair is falling out," admitted the timid man in the druggist's. "Can you recommend something to keep it in?" "Certainly," replied the obliging clerk. ''Mere's a nice cardboard box." • • • # • Pa, trill you answer mo a question? Certainly, my boy. Well, is tho tforld round? Yes, of course. Then if the world is rouutl. how can it come to in end? I'a gave it up. • * ♦ • # How do you like me for a travelling' companion? asked the detective as ho fcandcuifrd the prisoner to himself. Ob, I'm very much attached to you, replied the prisoner, promptly. • •#■»* Miss Oldgirj has volunteered to sell k»ses. Well? You are hereby designated to persuade her to sell fanry work instead. We mu>t positively make tome nioiiev «i«»t of this aaxaar.

Employer (angrilt): What are you throwing those handbills on the pavement for? Distributor: Well, gov'nor, that's wwt the people iloe* as 1 give* *e» to. So it',* only saving it mo. • * * # *

She: I f»nmd a four-leaved clover this morning:. There is an old saying that the finder will Ik» married within a year. !!•.«* helor: t was under the impression that the finding of a fourleaved clover was an- omen of good luck. • • • • »

Popperlry: I want to tell yon an awful bright thing that my son. aged five, said last nijdit. I'opkins: And 1 want to Ml you a funny remark that my boy who is five made yesterday. Popperly: (»«od-day! I'opkins: Good* day!—Tho-v both hurri«-d off.

' Cftm**. Willi**, said Hie mother, don't he •**» •.•■lh«J ik I»ct your little brother ploy willi >imr marbles awhile. Hot, prote*t«\l Willi**, In* means to keep them always. Oh. t think not. I think *». 'Ca*i*tp hv"*» i*w«»Hottei| two o* thcrn already. • • » * • Barnstormer: I hear a firo broke ont •t your thealro last night? Hamlet: Yes, and there would have been a terrible panie but for ono thing. Barnstormer: What- was thai? Hamlet: There was not enough pcoplo in th» audience* to mako one.

• • • » » White canting down in the aiibway this morning I noticed two deaf and »ft'm'» tn'v sifftrt'-' oppojiiie me. Ono nf tf»cm had an inip-diment in his spHvrfi. H«w r.mll a deaf and dnmb m»n have an irrm«*dimcnfc in his fjwnrK 4 Two r.f f.f,i fingers were cut off 206