Storyteller THE FUNERAL OF PATSY O'HARE.

Hawke's Bay Herald, Volume XXX, Issue 10017, 15 June 1895, Page 5

Storyteller THE FUNERAL OF PATSY O'HARE.

° You're soon baok,'' said Tom Hollan, v Terry O'Brien approached a group of three »t a street corner. "And how is Patsyf "Sure boys," answered Terry slowly, "it's how he will be. Patsy's dyin' " (the group got closer) "Dying. The porter tould me. It's carried ont of the hosipital he'll be. Someut should be done." Thit'rjast what I've been aayin, Terry," said Tiui Hoolan.

"It is," confirmed Miohnel Magrath,

" Aye, aye," followed Dan O'Oonnal,

"And to b->gia with," said Terry O'Brien, "it's a poor look out if one of hie pals can't see him off just be.oause he's Id the hoaspltal aod not in his own bed Och, I'd go back myself this minit only for this week's scrub on me chin for I'd like to go decent. Has army of yez a barber's penny on ye 1 ,, They all looked at Dan O'Oonnell, the onlvjnan who was in work. He handed a penny to Terry, and Terry went for bin shave.

Now there waa only one question on the minds of all of them. How was Fats; O'Hare to be buried 1 Be waa not in a olub, he had been out of work for weeks, he owned nothing bat his olotheß, and be was in debt with Mrs Bnrke for lodgings. AH of the men thought of " tbepariah," bat none of them referred to it beoanße any given one of them in Patsy's' plaoe would have felt meanly deserted if he knew that "the workhouse box" would come for him at the close. Moraover every man of them, was a coffin maker — and surely, between them, they oonld fit up Patsy O'Hare.

That feeling was unanimous, but the only man who waa not enthusiastic was Dan O'Oonnell, the only man of them

who waß ia work, for he could ccc that when the oriais came it would fait bard upon him. Nevertheless tho sentiment waa unanimous, and when Terry O'Brien oame from the barber's with his faoe like an egg compared with what it waa, be was deputed to go and gee the last of

poor Patsy. "Sure, I'm going very empty-hand-ed," complained Terry. "A bit of an

or an (re in my pockut would show we htd'nt forgot Him,"

And tbey all again looked at tbe only man in work.

Dan's face twitched, but he delivered up another coin.

Terry went to the hospital. He found Patsy too ill to lift hia band from the quilt, and Terry took bold of the wrist and quietly pressed it. While he was doing so bis other hand drew the orange from his tail-pocket and slyly delivered it on the little table by. the bed. The nurse caught Terry's eye, and shook her head, meaning —

"No dbo ;no use— too late; too late.

"Oh Patay, lad," muttered Terry, gently shaking the wrist, "Id dn't know ye was quite like this."

Patsy managed to put his other band ou Terry's; but he could not apeak. The lips moved but without a sound.

" Don't trouble me boy," urged Terry. ■•Don't trouble. . . Don't trouble about anything. . . I'll be all right. . . ■ . Keep aisy. . . Don't be frettjjn'." "it's— It'B— Mrs Bnrke that deßarves me bits of clothes, Terry boy."

"Och, we'll ace her righted : we'll see iv'rytbing righted. Iv'rything. Don't tronble. Me Bnd the boys have had it over."

Patsj's grateful eyes looked up, then with fan effort he asked —

t% But who's worltin' ? "

" Iv'ry man of us ! Me, Tim Hoolan, Michael and Dan O'Connell. Iv'ry man of us ; ao be aißy, be aiay, me boy." Patsy was faint. He let go of Terry'B hand and Terry turned from the bed to ait on a chair that the nurse had placed for him. Seated, Terry was about to speak to Patsy, but the nurse touched his shoulder. Terry looked at her. Bhe was looking at Patsy. She muttered somethiug. Terry lookrd where she was looking, at Patty's face, and beheld a change that caused him to rise ; but the nurse held him back by her fingertips.

"Poor fellow! God's mercy on him ! " muttered Terry.

A sigh came from Patgy, and he was gone.

That afterßOon, while Dan O'Oonnell ■was at work, there was a consultation between Terry O'Brien, Tim Hoolan, and Miohael Magrath. They enthusiastically decided to do Patsy honour. He was to be brought home, he was to bar* r waked," and, pay for it who might, he was to bo buried in decency and comfort.

The firßt difficulty was the ooffiii, They hadn't a foot of wood between them ; none of them were in shops where it might have been. " arranged ; " none of them had money ; and they all thought of Dan. They all knew of Dan's Bhop, they all knew that there WBB a baok passage, a bandy big window on the second floor. Surely, couldn't he slip one or two of them In that very night P With Tim Hoolan at the Bides, Terry O'Brien at tbe lid, Dan himself at tbo bottom and on da, Bnd Michael Magrath to keep watch by the passage and give "the whistle" to drop the light when tbe policeman como his round— faith, they'd lick it into shape in no time.

"If Dan only likes, ho can manage it," B&id Tim Hoolan,

" Whether he likea it or not we'll like it, aDd do," jbplied Terry, a sentiment that easily went the round.

Late that night, Terry, Tim, and Dan O'Oonnell invaded tho workshop. Tim not at the Bides, Terry at Ibe lid, and Dan at the bottom and ends.

"And now, boys," whispered Terry, "put all your brains injo yonr bands and Blave at It like niggers, and good work, too, while ye're at it. What's that yon're cuttin', D»n P It sounds like deal, as soft bb putty. Ooh ! don't be stingy, ecein' the wood ien' yer own ; give Patsy a length of good brown oak to lie on. If army man knows a good coffin, he does; and let him have it. I'll give him as pretty a piece of wood in the lid as anDy corpse had to luk at if it liked to open its oyes to see what sort of furniture it was in. And what are yez hammer in' at, Tim, givin' the audible alarm like that to army set of ears that may bo walkin' the passage for a Bound P H»ve yez niver heard of screws ? Do Patsy tho honor of screws, and don't knook up his list little house wid workhouse nails. Whisht ! "

"Mike's whistle," said D*n. Down weDt the light, and the three men stood listening in the dark. They heard the tramp ol feet down too passage beneath the windows.

"Boys," whispered Terry, "do yez mind if Mike moved the ladder P "

None of them knew.

A policeman's whistle buzzed.

" Och ! he's on us ; he's on us ! " murmured Dan. " I believe we're loat."

" Ye mane found," said Tim.

" It's no joke, at army rate," said Dan, " me taken in me own shop. Heaven! what's that P"

"It'B the inspector's little stiok playin' a tune ou the pavement," said Terry.

" We're surrounded ! " moaned Dan.

"Ah, don't be uioanin' yourself into transportation^ life; if that blisgid

said

Blue Peterahews this way we'll surround - him, an' with wood ; we'll coffin him, w< an' in one of those riddy-made dale ones it standin' there like mummies." N " Order ! " oalled Dan, " There's lo Mike's whistle agin." 8* " Faith, it is," said Terry, " an' it « sounds red ;it manes danger thla time, ai Hold hard ! Stiddy, boys ! Stlddy ! B Don't be brathin' like a bull, Dan, or the man that's after us will be hearin' E the ehavlna that your're roakin' dance on E the floor wld your brith, Stlddy ! a Stiddy!" i{ "But what are you after on the floor 1 " called Tim to Terry. " Sure, I'm gittin' into safety. I'm * snug In a fivo foot-sixer. Come, Tim, j and put the lid on me loose, and i£ that glntleman oomes I'll lave yez all to yer t ohanees— to the cofSas if ye have army x sinsis. There's plenty of 'em, boys ; « get in 'em an' make yourselves at home. c Whisht ! Ooh ! safe agin. There's » Mike's double whistle. Dp with the | light, boyß, an' git at Patsy's wooden ' suit like the snips for corpses as yo are. « The lights were turned out up jußt as Terry O'Brien was making what he > oalled " a resurrection " out of a coffin « by the wall. They got to work again, like thieves that they were in the dead of the night, and at last Patsj's ooffio. was done. But when they were all ready to move with it, Miohael Magrath did not answer their call and there was no ladder at the window. They whiatled, but he did not come. " Faith," said Terry O'Brien, " we oan't be oaugbt here like rats in a trap ; here's a mighty long rope that Dan s master has been good enough to lave us, sure ; I'll get into the coffin, yon boys can lower me down, an' I'll find the ladder. But be as gentle wid me, boys, as if ye was lowering me down to me was done, but thore waß no la« Ber to be found. „,... .. '"Well ! this is a trick ! hoist up the blissid box again and do as I did wid yeraelves, and let us be off. Dan-and Tim, however, fought as to who should be first. " Hould yer noise." grawled lerry ; "did two sons of Adam iver fight to get into a ooffin before 1 Come down one of ye at a time an' let us be oft. Holy Mother, there's the inspeotor playin his stick again— send down the lift. Qalok, boys, quick 1 Ah, come down me lovely. Right we are, boys, pull! PaU""^ of the reaoh of the blue devil that s pokin 1 hia stick forme in the next street. Gently, gently, now : pull me mto the window of hiven like the angels as ye are. Bight again. Faith, there a the other blue fellow plain' a solo on his little oornet." "Where's Mike, I wonder?" said Dan. " I don't know," said Terry. "The spot got too hot ■ for him, an' he's mo like snow off a roof." "Caught, think ye?" asked Dan. ■' An' if he is, he won't be tremblin' like you in your leatbera. Hould yer tongue in with your hand, or faith, it'll drop olane out an' shout all over the floor wid fright an' betray. An' what's to do. wid yer teeth, doin' a step dance with each other like that ? Put one jiw on the other to keep themselves comp'ny If they're afraid to bo apart in a hid that has no brßins. Hallo ! That's good muaic. Listen, boyß." The inspector's stick was heard a greater distance away ; They allowed the policemn time to pass on hia round once" more, and then ihe operations fur escape were begun' again. Terry was lowered first. "Now that I think of if, boys," said he from the passage, " It's little use hoiatia' the box up twice while ye oan tie the rope to a bench leg and slide like a couple or monkeys down a stick. But monkeys or not be quiok wid yez or the stars will be givin' the wink to the man with the whistle. Ooh, D*n, I didn't mane that quick, ye didn't give me a chance to see how you'll look whin ye're hung. Now, Tim, boy, you and Dan carry the box an' I'll carry the argumints." Tim and Dan shouldered the coffin, and Terry walked at the side. "Don't hurry, pals," said Terry. " We're not stahn'. Hav'n we been workin' overtime for a rushed order for the mornin'P Don't hurry. Take it aisy like honest men or the viry legs that ye want to take yez olane away, will betray yez. Dan, Dan, aisy does it. Your legs are playin' the thief, while Tim's here has a respectable aizineaa that must be desavin' himself, for his (see Is like a solemn widower's, takin' home the ooffio for his wife, while your'B, faith, ib like bis did wife's corpse. I'm astonished, Dan, I thought ye had pluck. "Hullo! hullo! suro that's a sentry be the lamp, there. Stiddy, boys. Don't shy, Dan. Eyes front*, st«p aluy, ( right, left, right, left, an' lave the talk to me." A policeman by a lamp eyed their approach. " A fine mornin' brakiu', policeman," said Terry. "It is— but what have you there P Stop ! " " Sure, we will ; stop boye. Now yo gee what it la ; faith ye know it ; there's one shape whin yez oorae to that, an' it's hard It is whin a man has to carry it home for his own." "But this is a strange time to be taking it home" "So it is, so it is ; but it's not stranger than black small-pox that carried her off, poor soul, (the officer coughed and moved away) and as ye know yeraelf there's no time to lose — " " All right," said the officer, still moving. "For the stifct rigilatlons about the likes of that—" "All-right!" "Move on, boya," eaid Terry, and they soon reached jpatsy'e street in safety. " Ocb, now that I think of it what a miBB !" exclaimed Terry. "Wo niver tould Mother Boxke want we'vo been after ; sho won't know about Patsy." " Now that's awkward," said Dan. " It iB," said Tim. " But we can't sit jn it outside until mornin'," said Terry, pioking up somo gravel and throwii^ it at the secondstory window, and knocking at the door. Mrs Burke'e wrapped-up head shortly appeared out of the window. "Who's thatP" she cried, only half awake." 'There's fuur of üb," answered Terry, ''Three of flesh and blood and ono of wood. Como down, Mother Burk, and let u» in." " What's that ye'vo got, Terry 1 " "Sure, you ought to know it; It's your own coffin. Ye'ro dead, yore only dramln' je'ro Hvin'; send down yer ghost to open (be door, or I'll como up the bricks an' kill je agen, I will." Mother Burke soon let them in, and taking it for granted that " poor Patsy who had gone " was inside, she fell across the coffin, wailing lnmontatiouß, ' and in ono of her many soliloquies elm wondered, " and who'd be at the payln 1 of the darlln' boy's debts "~and Tim : and Terry looked at Dan. j The coffin was taken into tlio nearest I room, and Terry, Tim, and Dan hastened < to the door. i "What's yer hurry," aeked Mrs I Burke. i "Isn't almost time to bo goin' to i workP" answered Terry. "Haven't i we to am someut to bury him, to say nothin' about the wake which'll bo the I night of this samo day. I know yez b loved Patay, Mother Burko, I know yez f did ; like a mother of a son yez did ; an' i it's manny a ahilliu' ho puld je, an' t manny a New Year's drop he bought yo ' i

— git a bottle of O.] , in, Mother Burke; we'll see ye paid for it, eh, Dan ? But

it's time for us, boya, to be out at work.

Now Dan, now Tim, come on, come on ;

lot Mother Barks have her Bleep out or she'll be all of a blink to-night when

the sarvice is on, an' it's a waktn' wake and not a sleepln' wake that we want.

Hurroo ! Git out ! "

It was then half past five, time for Dan O'Oonnell to be going to his shop. But Dan fought Bby of it. Ho was afraid. Suapicion would be certain to fall on him.

" Aye, if ye don't; go," said Terry, " Go for the sake of Patsy's expinsls if for no other, for he's got to be buried. Me, Tim, and Mike will pay yez back. Go, Dan lad, &v' don't spoil ub all, for there'll be the oandlea, the bottle of Irish and the like, to say nothln' of the coach an' the bit of ground. .Now, Dan, be the dacont man for ua ; we'll do the likes for you."

Dan, however, hadn't courage. He wouldn't go, and Terry and Tim almost excomniunicatod him.

The three went to order the hearse

for next day, for thoir feoling waß the aoouur they got that coffiu underground

the belter. But the fuueral farmshera wanted a deposit.

Terry wbb astouudod,

"A deposit?" said h«. "I uiver heard of annything of that kind b<-foru. Wo don't waut to keep your horsu an' coach as soon as we'vo done will 'em, an' ii it comeß to security, if that's what ye mane, there's the coffin, an' the corpse that ye're welcome to if we don't pay ye, Give him the half-orowii, Dan ; but it's an innnlt. I'd like a resate, for

there's little truatin' people of bUuias as

'ad do the likea of that. Divil a farthiu' more they'll get," said Terry

outside, " an' now for the bit of leasebold," he added, referring to the cemetery.

Dan O'Oonnell did not want to go.

"Ooh ! I'm ashamed of ye," exclaimed Terry. "Yo don't deaarve the big an' honored name that's tsoked to yer rags and bunes. Dan O'Connell, indeed !

Did yer mother think je'd bemane it, P It'a a wondor tho great) Dau himself dnesu' reacti his hand out of hia grave at ye and shake the pnea of Paddy's last comfort out ot yer pockuts. Ye'ru in cash, we're not ; make ua even wid | ye be a loan. Come on Dan, aa' be a bit of the great O'Oonnoll." — And Dan weut. During the day Mike Magrath turned np. He had been taken to the polico station as a suspicious character in the night, but was diaoharged. At duak, the four men shouldered the coffio to the hospital, poor Patsey was put in it, and conveyed home. He waa placed on two chairs in the kitchen, one at tbe head and tbe other at the feet. That done, Terry O'Brien glanced about the place for the shape of a bottle, but he didn't see so much as a cork, and as a beginning he very tenderly asked Mra Burke if Bhe had a couple of oandlea — forPatßy. " I haven't. "What's to do with the

gas ? " " It's like youraelf, a bit too mighty high. Who-iver heard of gas for a wakeP I niver did, and niver will. Jt's much too lively a flame for a death ; you want the lowly glimmer of a farthin' rush— for the love of hiven. Dan, boy, put your hand for us in yer pocket ageu, seem' aa Mrs Burke is too mane to light Patsy uocordin' to the dead. Why, the angels would think we were in competition with glory itself if we " waked " Patsy with all tho full force of the gas works at our back ; aud for the aake of dacent humility, Dannel, bring us a couple of dips and we'll out 'em into four — and now to Bpeak plain, Mra Burke, what about the bottle — the 0.1. —did ya attend to it ? " "I did not." " Ooh, boys, here goea! " (And he took off hia coat). •'Follow suit, boys. Put down yer garment?, like men, and we'll club for it."

"An 1 what about clothes for the buryin'? " asked Tim Hoolau. " Arra I we'll go in shirt sleeveß if we've had whisky oyer-uight, but wb'll hardly go at all if we've had none. Luck find us in the mornin', it'a hontfur for Patsy to-night. Come on, now ! Iv'ry man with his coat I " called Terry, folding his, Tlm'a, and Mike's on the coffin.

" I'll keep mine on me baok," said Dan, " but here's a shillin' for ye." " Hurroo ! " cried Terry, taking up the coin and the clothes. " I'll be baok In a oraok." He returned with his two oandles, a bottle of whisky, and his own coat on bis back. "An' cure, that's a trick !" said Tim. " Why didn 1 you pawn yer own ? " asked Mike. "It was this way, boys. I ftlt chilly goin' an' I put it on. I was sure I'd be chilly comin' back, so I didn't take it off, But here's your battled consolation, an' what more do ye wantP An' I've provided for tho future, for I tould some of the neighbours aa I wint along that if they'd bring their own whisky an' a drop or two over, they could como an' join us. The glasaos, Mother Burke ! Ooh, ye're quicker with them than ye was wid the bottle ; but ye're a hdy, an' ye'H be first. There's for yez. Now, Tim ; now, Mike ; now, Dannel— and more work to ye. Up, boys, an' blessed be Patsy O'Hare.

" Oh, Patsy O'Hare, Oh, Patay O'Hare, An 1 why did ye die like a breath of the air P We loved ye, me boy. And the tear in the eyo Ia cryin' ' Oh, Patsy, Oh, Patay

O'Hare.' "

There was a loud knock at tho front door. "Save us! I thought it waa Patsy at tho lid," eald Terry. "It's the neighbours alriddy. Luk at that. Opon the door, Mother Burke, and let iv'ry soul that has Its credentials with it In a glans case, walk insido ; the ctherß can walk home.

"Oh, Patsy O'Hare, Oh, Patsy O'Hare, An" why dtf ye die like a breath of the air P" In walked two policemen and Dan O'Oonnell's employer. "An' what's this disturbance o f houtßt folk keepin' the dead company P " domandud Terry. " What about this coflin ? " asked an officor, while Dan's master examined the wood. "What about HP It's a good un," B»id Terry. "But ia it paid for?" asked tho second officer. " And who turnod you into a County Court?" " At ony mto we'll turn you and your three mates hero into a police oourt. Do you recognise itP" ho asked Dun's

master,

" I do. It's my wood. They made it on my promises. Here are the oak Bhavings that match i. I give thn four of them in cbargo."

Mother Burke full across the coffin with a great wail. "Ob, Patsy, ia it stolon wood ye havo about yo ( Llavo pity on a poor, lone, inulceut widdy, gentlemen. Oh, I didn't think, Terry O'Brien, that ye'd make me a victim of rocavin' stolen goods. Away with the four of 'cm, as brazen a set of rogues as iver took advantage of a widdy'a roof, — and Terry, Mike, Tim, and Dan were marohod off.

Next moruing tbey ouch got threo months. Terry, iv the name of oharity and justice, bugged lo bo let out on bail for the funeral ; even if thuy let him out in haudcuffs hod like to bo there. But the appeal was not heeded, and the four men woro movod below, the sound o£

Terry O'Brien's voice coming up the well of the dock singing

"Oh, Patsy OHnro Oh, Patsy OUare, And why did yo dio liko a broath of ttie nil?

Wo loved ye, me boy, And the toar in the eye Ia cryin', ' Oh, Pntsy ! # Oh, Patsy O Haro !

Patsy O'Hare's funeral took place that afternoon. He waa followed to the grave by Mother Burke, a doz?n other women with shawls and aprons over their heads, about twice aa many barefoctsd children, three rag dolls, two disconsolate-looking mongrel terrierB — and tbe undertaker for the balance of hia account.