HAVE YOU HEARD THIS ONE?

Hawera Star, Volume LIV, 15 June 1935, Page 15

HAVE YOU HEARD THIS ONE?

The negro preacher had successfully concealed the fact that he had served a term in prison, but years of upright Jiving ]iad not- destroyed his fear of exposure. One Sunday on rising to begin his sermon his heart sank on seeing, in one of the front pews, a former cellmate. Quick thinking was necessary. He fixed his eye on the stranger and delivered himself slowly and impressively : “Ah takes mail text dis mo’nin’ from de sixty-fo' chapter an de fo’ hunde’th verse ol> de 'Gospel oh Saint John, which says, ‘Dem as sees me an’ knows me an’ says nothin’, dem will Ah see later’.” * * * * Magistrate: Suppose the accused tolls us exactly happened in his own words ? Accused: I can’t very well do that, your Worship, seeing as how I’v< pleaded not guilty.

In the course of a football match in the North the referee gave one or two | doubtful decisions against the home j side. The wrath of the spectators was J kindled against him, and he had to| have police protection at the end of j the game. Back in the dressing-room i he warmly thanked his escort. “Dbn’t thank us, mister,” .said the biggest policeman, “we always look after a blind man!” :Jc :Js :£ SJ: s*: “How long has America been discovered?” ‘yAbout lour hundred] years.” “There you are. And yet I, read in a paper about the thousand- j years-old giant trees of America. You ■ can’t believe anything these Americans , say.” J * * * * * | I Interested Friend : I hear you have' invented a new machine. What is it? Amateur Inventor: It’s a revolving nest. When the hen lavs an egg, the nest revolves and the egg falls into a, receptacle underneath. The hen turns round, and, seeing no egg, I thinks she has made a. mistake and promptly sits down and Jays another. | * * * * * | He: What’s vour name? She: M-M-M-M-Mabel. He: I’ll call you Mabel for short.

As the crowded London ’bus came to a standstill, a stout, middle-aged man descended the stairs carrying a - small girl. Tenderly placing his burden on the kerb, lie ascended the stairs again and shortly returned carrying a liny dog. Placing the deg beside the child, he returned upstairs and again descended bearing a second child, which he placed beside the first. Once more ho ascended the stairs and again returned carrying a third youngster. - These evolutions were eagerly observed by a passenger seated inside the ’bus, who, as father proceeded to dismount with this third -offsprings exclaimed : Lummc, ’e must ’ave a nest up there! * * * * A Kansas revival service was being held, and one of the partners in a fuel business had joined the church: His " tried to get his partner to do like- ' wise, . : “I can’t do it, John,” replied the | partner, when his insistence became j irksome. “Who’ll do the weighin' if... I join?” " I * * * « * Judge (in dentist’s chair) r Do you swear that you will pull the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth?