FLASHES!

Gisborne Standard and Cook County Gazette, Volume I, Issue 51, 8 October 1887, Page 2

FLASHES!

Spring at last I

Gift Auction big auccen laat night I The ladies know how to manage tnlnga 1 Fourth page—Fuff on turf aoonnd elliem! A woman has fallen dead whilst aeoldinl her husband I *

Balvationista had a lively spree the other evening I

A Trades Union affair—the Captain *p> peered in a stoker's rig out! Smells oi su'phur, one would fancy I There has been less foot-rot in sheen this year than last, although to wet I

Very late shearing season this year I The Deva now in the Bay, ready and waiting I Ballance's return al Wanganui wm very popular. He deserved a licking for hie rotten Native Land policy. A trial of the Bemington-Lee riflei has proved that the weapon is not p»rtiou. larly good for short distance shooting, but cannet be beaten for long range work,

At Melbourne recently a solicitor sued the Richmond Australian for £2OO damages for keeping his name out of the Police Court reports. Of course the action wgs dismixixd. Newspapers, out of humanity, often keep solicitor’s names ddt I

Revenge I The Pennslyvanian Legislature having made it illegal. to give or sell spirituous drinks on Sunday, the publicans are going to teat whether it is legal to use wine at th* Church Sacrdmeliidi Retribution I

A lady has lately died who received tfig name di •• Jubilee on the previous Jubilee day to that of the Queen!

Impudence I Photographers sometimu get views ol President and Mrs Cleveland while they are in church, by artists located in the gallery. The Bell calls Sir George Grey » political traitor; and beslabbers Stout with • lot of nonsense.

It won't do; Mr Bell; your Liberalism io a sham;

The G.O.M. Will be • shining star abort your corpses,

Garrat Barry last week fined twenty Roberts for stealing sand from the Orahoi beach.

A dirty yarn I O’Rorke's defeated opponent says that tbe Eress is like mud—the mere you tread on it the more it spreads.

Tbe blues. " Blue Ribbon " thanks tbfl Tauranga electors for tbe part they played lb the election, and says they must feel proud to be represented by a brewer and the owner of three pubs.

The Katikatl ratepayers are trying to upset a resolution of. the County Council to form a separate riding. A wise judge 1 An Auckland J.P. asked the Sergeant to always give him notice the previous evening of any case of breach of bylaws, so that be might study the matter.

A bright, candidate I Hatch, of. Invercargill notoriety, eaid: —" if any single matt stands out against me I will give that indli vidual the biggest thrashing he ever got in his life.”

That's a model politician if you like. Last week a ball of fire as big as a coal basket is said to have fallen within a cable’s length of a Vessel at Whangarei. The brilliancy which surrounded it dazzled the eyes of the crew, afid a sulphuric smell almost choked them.

An Auckland paper says that the machinery of law in the R.M, Court is at present an instrument of torture.

A miner in New South Wales committed suicide because he would not appear in Court to answer a charge for using obscene language.

In Brazil 20 monkeys Are used on a hemp farm to cut hemp and prepare it for sale. This knocks coloured labour into a cocked hat.

At Christchurch Mr Larnaoh said that Sit Robert Stout's defeat wae due to a rainy day. Larnach’e power of reasoning should entitle him to a portfolio.

The revenue of New South Wales has increased £626,000 for the year.

The Colony pays £2OOO annually for rented police stations.

Stevens the Returning Officer for Taupo at the Eastern Maori Election, has blown out his brainii.

The are seven pressmen and fourteen iiw. yers in the new Parliament.

From 1884 to 1887 there were 705 divisions iu the New Zealand Parliament. Mr J. Ormond, member for Napier; was abssnt 888 times out of the total number.

At Monte Carlo it is the custom to fill the pockets of suicides with bank notes, so that it may bo seen that they do not kill them, selves on acooiint of losses. They should try the experiment in Gisborne.

Schoolmasters are like dogs; they lick yout hands, so a youngster says. Burglar in Melbourne cleared the contenic of an aviary to the value of £l9. Me was a merry fellow.

The Patea Mail has ceased publication. The school.children at Dunedin are preparing an address imploring Sir Robert Stout td re-consider his determination not to again euter Parliament.

teoent fire in Invercargill, by which MoCullumn’s sawmill wae destroyed, the Fire Brigade refused to assist, the building being out of their boundary. The Jubilee Herald refers to a contemporary xa one of the up country places as a sickly print. It is a OAse of the pot celling the kettle black,

It is said of a New South Woles politician that he never pays Anything but • ootnpliment.

A common error of reporters I " A most enjoyable evening was brought to a close by a solo from the Mieses Williams."

Tho Australian Shearers' Union have sent a long report to the newspapers in which members are told to take no notice of what appears in the newspapers. They kill themselves in one act I " So you were caught in the act madam 7 You deceived your husband,” remarked the Judge. "On the contrary, your honor, he deceived me. He didn't go out in the country when he said he would." Maskell, the engine driver, who was killed at his post in the Windsor railway aeoident, is to have his courage rewarded. Ths Victorian Government will grant his widow £2OOO. O’Donnell only wants £50,000 from the London Times for libelling him 1 Judge Dowling believes that alcohol wae sent by the Almighty to use in reason. It depends what you call reason 1 Chirnside and Finlay, the lately deceased Australian squatters, left £150,000 and £119,000 respectively. Last year between £2,000,000 and £8,000,000 worth of agricultural produce WM imported into New South Wales.

O'Brien, the Irish agitator, married an actress, but is separated from her.

In New South Wales there are 600 srtioltd lawyers' clerks.

Notice copied from a placard In a shop window Eggs, selected, Is 2d; <«js, new laid, is 2d; eggs, fresh, Xs; eggs, tic XMturante, lOd.

In the Sydney Legislative Council lately Mr Melville said " Why does this impenetrable jackass, the Minister of Lands—thia jackanapes—persist in interrupting me." A real live Parliament 1 |