EPITOME WAR NEWS.

Gisborne Times, Volume XLVII, Issue 4369, 13 October 1916, Page 6

EPITOME WAR NEWS.

(Written specially for the “Gisborno. Times” by “The Major.”

The 'Turks’ failure at the Suez Canal- reminds us once again that catspaws always shrink from water.

Paper-clothing is to be \vorn by the Russian soldiers. There will be something stirring in the papers then.

. “liefore the dawn of Peace,” \shrieks a Berlin journal, “we must tear England limb from limb.” More leg-pulling by the German press!

Berlin hotel-owners report a crcaso in visitors since the war. Thefts are signs, however, that the number of visitors (via France, and Belgium) in the near future will lie unprecedented.

The latest thing in Tommy’s comforts is a fore-and-aft garment, knitted in chessboard pattern. Useful for draughts and against draughts.

Owing to its occupation by the Royal Navy Division, the Crystal Palace has been cleared of .statuary. Men in strict training must do without busts.

Pigs to tlm value of ten million marks are being purchased by the German Government as food for the soldiers. And the Crown Prince is doubtless humming “Papa’s packing pickled pork at Potsdam.”

“Ho, ves!” said the private in the trenches with line scorn when a certain suggestion was put to him. “I’m likely to waste me time leaniin’ Proneh, ain’t I? Why. lor lummy, our division will he in Germany by Christmas, an’ a fat lot o’ good French ’ll be to me (bore, won’t it P”

Amongst the many German blunders which have caused this war, very conspicuous one is the way the Kaiser has miscalculated the friendship of South Africa and India. He looked upon Britain’s Indian subjects as coolies, ready and willing to rise against their task-masters whenever possible.

In addition to England’s naval and military strength, the power of finance may be put to their credit, a credit much higher than that o: Germany or Austria. The superiority of British credit—which is an expression of confidence—will also he reflected upon our Allies. Taking a general view of the seat of war, there is everything to point that the old spirit of confidence is fully justified.

Suppose Germany is called upon to pay two billion pounds war indemnity to the Allies, This prodigious sum would only mean £ 1.7 per head for the for the 118 millions of Germans and Austro-Hungarians. which if spread over live years, means ■£s 8s per head.

'The indemnity France .paid in 1871-2-amounted to £200,000.000, or .Co-]ls per head of the population, spread over Luo years. This, as the Gorman indemnity will be, was paid mostly in goods, and hence in the seventies champagne and other French wines were very cheap in Berlin.

It is interesting to learn how “Tommy Atkins” got bis name. In the old form of enlistment for the British soldier a blank was left in the fo»j* for the name of the recruit. One form, with a specimen name filled in. was either carried round by the recruiting sergeants or posted up in public places showing how the name was to he Idled in. and the fictitious name was alwnvs “Tornmv Atkins.”

The Germans seem to have had tin* time of their lives in the Belgian and French wine collars. „A Gentian professor (professors seem to boss the German Empire concurrently with the Kaiser) asked the people to give up beer and make German whisky from the magnificent German potatoes. These tubers are responsible for a lot of London gin. The professor does not want slow gin but quick whisky. Germany has food and drink on the brain. Even their infantry are styled “’cannon fodder” bv the staff.

There is a grim significance in the announcement that “large numbers of vultures have made their appearance on the east bank of the Suez Canal.”

Tlie French declare that there is undoubted proof that the Germans have gone mad, for at Mangy they bombarded a brewery and destroyed it -—and they could not have 1 mistaken it for a cathedral.

The Kaiser has a magnificent and copious vine cellar, containing precious brands '.torn all parts ol the globe. .Each brand has its separate enclosure, or bin. confined by iron railings, with a tablet affixed, giving name, age, price and number of bottles. No flasks or decanters are ever placed on the Imperial and imperious table, lint the wine is poured out from the original liottles. The (human Emperor’s favorite liqueur is a spirit distilled from cherries, while lie is also fond of American whisky—hence ec e c 11 1 ri c i ty.

The latest examples of German frightfulness are to he seen in photographs of German home-made fashions.

The classic ditty “Sisthr -Susie’s Sewing Shirts for Soldiers” has become epidemic in London. It has a defect, as no mention is made ol knitting—a pursuit which is absorbing most of the energy of the thousands <»; fair ones in various parts of the universe. Hayden Church, (according to “London Opinion”) thereto.tsuggests this encore verse:—

Susie has a sister with the. nifty name of Nettie, And Nettie spends in knitting every second she can find. The yarn she buys for mittens is the joy of our two kittens, And the cat sleeps in a helmet of the Balaclava kind. To kr.it a hundred-'body-holts our nimble Nettie vows, _ But o’er the products of her hands the soldiers knit their brows. Chorus : Nettie’s knitting knick-knacks for the soldicYs, Her nobby knack of knitting nets them neckties by the score. But Tommy, likewise daokv. would prefer some fags and ’.baccy To the knotty knitted neckties Nettie knits for necks galore'.