By the Way

Evening Star, Issue 23113, 12 November 1938, Page 3

By the Way

(By X.Y.)

“ I will Hit up mine eyes unto tin; Hills,” sang the Psalmist. According to the local colour imparted to the life of David by a long deceased Sunday school teacher, the hills of Judea were chiefly inhabited by bandits and refugees from collectors of rates and taxes. For the most part this nondescript population lived rent-ireo_ in holes in the ground kindly provided by Nature and improved by the local tunnelling corps. Access to these hill suburbs of Jerusalem was chiefly by donkey-power, but there is no Scriptural record of any regular service being provided, either by the local authority or by private enterprise. Probably there was too much risk of confiscation of the means of transport at the uphill terminus and of claims for non-fulfilment of contract by the purchasers of return tickets.

It’s theoretically right (So many folk have testified) That man'should sleep at night Outside. Beyond all question or debate. Fresh air's desired by men of sense, When in a horizontal state Of somnolence.

Veranda, porch, or balcony. Or tent in some convenient spot, Provides for folk like you and mo A lot More atmosphere to work upon Than any stuffy twclvc-by-tcn. Which scorns, by just comparison, A noisome don. fn summer time, when nights are warm, Fresh air, unchecked, unlimited. Should eddy round one’s prostrate form 1 n bed ; And any ordinary man. By sleeping in this healthy wise, Can be a centenarian Before [is dies. I’m frying it, I may remark, And feeling, very virtuous. That my location through the dark Is thus Unmoved from indoor stuhiness And quite unnecessary heat (Insanitary, more or less. And obsolete). To re\ul in I 'd is likewise good; .But, dash it 1 when my lamp is lit Each insect in the neighbourhood Must flit To that illuminated place. Perform, and stunt, and flutter round. And make my unprotected face A camping ground. Huge moths, like baby aeroplanes. And other Lepidoptcra, Onco kept outside by window panes. Now are Cavorting iu eccentric rings. Eluding my distracted blows. And bumping, madly-wretcbcd things, Against my nose.

And then I hear a high-pitched hum (Of all phenomena the worst) —■ The vnrapircsque mosquito’s come. Athirst For blood—and that, of course, means mine. It makes me savage when I hear His menacing soprano whine, So loud and near. 5 Confound these little spots that itch! I know their meaning, and I curse, And irritably scratch them, which Is worse. My face is like a currant duff ; My shaving must be done with care. I’m positive I’ve had enough Of this fresh air. * * * * One of “X.Y.’s” earliest recollections of Dunedin (in the ’eighties) was a joy ride on the Mornington cable car, ' then operated by private enterprise. A much later visit coincided with the acquisition of the horse tram system traversing the low levels, symbolised by His Worship, Mr Robert Chisholm, in frock coat and bell-topper, surrounded by the more adventurous councillors on the top story of a doubledecker car, traversing the chief routes in state. Almost from that day the office of Mayor of Dunedin was indeed a man’s iob. For municipalisation also spelt electrification. Lee Stream power scheme was adopted, persevered with until Contractor Ferry’s tunnellers finally forsook the face, and then abandoned it in favour (f Waipori. Not only the council. 4mt all the citizens became hydrorelectrically-minded. Kilowatts and cusecs were terms used by laymen in ordinary conversation with as much nonchalance as the radio fan to-day talks of “ static.” And — especially when Mr Goodman presented yet another phase of the Noyes Bros.’ agreement—-the hours at which newspaper reporters reached home after a council meeting assignment would take a lot of explaining to the modern lady of the house were they observed today.

Gradually Dunedin became tlio model town for municipal trading, and the tramways department lifted its eyes to the hills for further heights to conquer. Morniugton results, however, were not a reliable guide to valuing the next cable system acquired. This had an electric adjunct which was so much of a drain rather than a feeder that the upkeep of the main lino diminished to vanishing point for lack of funds in the company’s later years. Once bitten, twice shy, was thus tho

“T he time has come,” the Walrus said, “To talk of many t hings.”

motive underlying the corporation's negotiations for the third cable concern, not yet finalised. There is an old proverb concerning possibilities attaching to the provision of sufficient rope, and some councillors are protesting that the corporation has had enough of the variety used for. haulage on grades, and would like to deprive lull dwellers of their claim to bo the world’s most compressible human freight. Is this a just reward for decades of scientific strap-hanging? Apparently the strap-hangers think not. Talk of winding up the ropes once and for all and hermetically sealing the tunnels is construed by them as more than merely the prospective buyer’s “ bearing ” of the market. If the cable trams disappear the users don’t want to he marooned. When Jlr Pickwick asked Sam Weller if lie was satisfied with his situation as hoots at an inn, the reply was that" it depended on whether Dir Pickwick had a better one to offer him. It is a plain case for something tangible in the way of a guarantee being put up by the corporation to its customers before it assumes a monopoly of hill transport. There is something to bo said for the medieval system of hostages. A committee of shareholders of the Kaikorai Tram Company would make reliable custodians. The council could provide the hostage—on the ward system. • • * * The announcement by Mr Luke, of the Auckland Harbour Board, of what hq saw in Australian laboratories is well enough as far as it goes. But there is one omission. He reports that experiments indicate that mass production of petrol from coal will be achieved at a cost of 3d per gallon. What any prospective investor would hko to know is the weight ot coal treated by this apparently inexpensive process to yield a gallon of petrol. Further, is coal dross a suitable raw material for the process? If so, Mr Webb will have an opportunity to atone to the user ot household coal by withdrawing dross from circulation and putting it to some legitimate use. In the meantime there is no announcement from Gisborne of a revival of Maggie Moore’s star production, ‘ Struck Oil ’; hut expectant ones have been requested to exercise natienee As nominally any underground oil in New Zealand belongs to the State, and ns ponderable production of it hero would assist our overseas cash balances, Mr Webb might be able to provide London financial critics with a more convincing answer than Mr has so far furnished. There is no doubting the latter’s sincerity, but he seems to be distinctly rattled. But so seem his colleagues in the of militant unions in Auckland. The same ground breeds strikes and huge Labour majorities at elections.

It is rumoured that Admiral Horthy intends to be crowned King of Hungary, as Nicholas I.—Cable item. The Kingless Throne is now complete; The Royal robes will now bo put on; The admiral without a fleet Has found a quarter-deck to strut on. The folk of Pest, With zip and zest, Acclaim the great intruder; They’re carolling . “ God save the King ” Along the streets of Buda. The monarch, fortunately crowned To rule this modern Ruritania With fitting pomp and state, will found The dynasty of Nazybanya. And Nicholas, i As bold as brass, Will make a striking photo; He’ll send the same (Signed with his name) With compliments to Otto. « Now, let this sort of thing begin, And where will it bo ending? Will Hitler paralyse Berlin By pompously ascending A royal throne As Deutschland’s own Inimitable Kaiser, While Will, forlorn. Remains at Doom, A sadder man, but wiser? And Mussolini —who can toll ? (1 wouldn’t put it past him) Might well evict Emmanuel And claim that Fate has cast him To play the same Romantic game With diadem and sceptre, While poor V.E. Retires to be Observer and inoeptor. Has Franco caught the itch to reign, And docs he carry on so. In order to be King of Spain And emulate Alfonso ? At present it’s A heap of bits. And. when the fighting ceases, He’ll have to take His royal rake And gather up the pieces. So catching these diseases are That no one really knows if The Russians won’t demand a Tsar, And put a crown on Josef. The other lot Are purged and shot. Save Trotsky, who’s quiescent; And he is not Upon the spot To mako himself unpleasant.