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THE STORY TELLER, Issue 15696, 9 January 1915
THE STORY TELLER
THE FORGIVING- WIFE
A man was brought before th-a conrfc upon the complaint or his wife. While the prisoner was testifying the Judge madr, it clear tli.it, he intended to Ik* harsh with him ; so Ins wife became frightened, and when called to the stand refused to giv<j any testimony. In fact, she retracted, all her accusations.
"So your husband didn't strike tou, then?" said the Judge. "Where did "you
get that black eye?"' "I struck it, accidentally on the mantelpiece." "So! And that piece bitten out of your ear—he didn't do that either?" ' " No, no, your honor. I did that my«df!" ARTISTIC EXAGGERATIONS. Three American artists; were telling talj tales about their work. "The other day," said one, "I painted a. little deal board in imitation of marble* with such accuracy ' that, on being' thrown info the it immediately fiank to the kiitom." "'Faugh'" said another. "Yesterday I hung a, thermometer on. the easel supporting mv view of the polar region. It fell at. once 20 dec; below tha freezing point." "All that, is nothing,"' remrnked the third artist. "Aiv portrait of a prominent New York million, sire was so lifelike that it had to b* shaved twice a week." ANOTHER, CANNY SCOTSMAN. Two eld .Sect-ohm en in a train were d;«. cussing the, domestic unhappiness of a mutual friend. " Aye, aye,' said, on", " JamieThomjison has a sair time wi r that) wife o* his. They say they're aye. fcehtin"."' "What else can ye expect?" said the other scornfully; "the ptiir feckless creatura nmrrit, after coortin' for only seven year. Man, he had. na-3 chance to ken the woman in sich :■. short time. When I was coor'iu 1 I coortcd for twenty year." An amused listener to this dialogue nir.c ventured t<> ask if this long courtship had •ensured, eertain connubial bliss, whereupon tho old Scotchman returned : " I tell ye I coort-ed for twenty year, and in that tinm I kent what wooman was, and so I didna. marry !" ANSWFRING THE CLERGYMAN'S QUESTION.
A clergyman -visiting a. local school, and wishing to illustrate the meaning of th<* word "conscience." said: "Supposing one of you .stole a piece of sugar and put it tn your mouth, and someone, came in, whaii would happen?" "I'd get a thrashing, sir." piped a small voice. "Yes, but your face would become red, wouldn't it? What would, make it do that?"
"Trying to swallow the sugar quick, sir,"' came the prompt answer.
ONLY AN ACQUAINTANCE
A Welshman was seated at the door of his lodging when Sandy, his landlord, cam© up, driving a. big. tat, pig. " ono of your great relations, I tnippose, Sandy';'' exclaimed the visitor, pointing towards tho pig "Xo," quietly retorted Sandy, "no relation at all, ?':v ; just an acquaintance, like yersdf."' AT BREAKFAST. On reaching the breakfast table in <t London hotel a guest sat down and gazed at the coffee. The waiter came up, and could noli understand his iixed stare. "Good morning! Looks like rain, sir!" "It doe;-'." (Mine the. answer, "but, tins odor lir.K a plight suggestion, of coffee." BREAKING IT GENTLY. "Daddy," said th« little six-year-old daughter, "do you know what T am going; to give you for your birthday when it come??'' "No. dear." .answered the fond father, "but jdease. fell me." "A nice, m-w. china shaving nine, with gold flowers on it. all around/' said tho little, maid. "But,, my dear." explained her parent,, "1 have a nme one like that already.' 1 " No. vim haven't." she answered, thoughtfully, " 'cos—'cos I've just dropped it!" AX UNFAIR, DIVISION. A little girl had heen to church for th-> first time. On returning home her mother asked her what (die. thought of church. "I liked it very hhkli," she replied; "hut there was one thing I didn't think wa« fair." "What tva.; that, dear?" asked h-.-r mother.
"Why, one man did all the work, and then another man came around and got all the monev."
THAT DEAR. LITTLE IRISH film, Pat was a. ha-shful lover, and Biddy wr.a cov, bnt> not- too coy.
j " Biddy,'' lx:gan Pat-, timidly, "did yr ■ ivvcr think of m.irn'in' ?" " Sino, now, in' subject ha=s nivr-r interred me ihoiifrht' 1 ," dernuroiv replied Biddy. '" It's sorry Oi am,'' .said Pat, turning away. "Wan minim l . P.it, caiicd Biddy, coftly, " vr-'ve sH mo ii-tiiiiikin' " , \ moh ii] j i \;m on T iimiii vt ti itT ~ itt i dun n 1)3 ("hi >id ml C i n<i„) < 111 til ollfllr I tiJud In I ii 1 <U oi th i).' H> jnt d \ i i irt jiVj ird lid hj t I Vln s-liou d 1 ittirl d, liniu n ) [ll %ci < iit itai ip L mi J \ % fii I i ii H t-sri i J iifth 1 i in ii 111 l ,i ' |1 " j \l i i 1 'ii ii ii) i I th nl u i l »f 1 a lit i ,tu i « , \ u \i i \\j> -( tu 'in *■ ' A n iimi iif, t-t i\ 1 i<t 1' "* i I n*< ti i ' Mui it 1 i, u li d - ' mi 11 J itnj n ) ( )it V\ i i i 1 I ii '1 i ! .1111 i- , i rii i i I i i it i ii \ ' ii aidi i ]< i ii tr I i ~ , , i .1 I . it till il ''l I ► ■> j< I 1 ' ►. jM B linn i \ i f r \ \ "% i i j ii t i i ji ' ' i r ii 1 f i t ii i ] i)\ I 1\ IHI ii ' II 1 < 1 i ii r a I Oil Mil i i r 1j i hj nr i i t i ►,(. 1 n an < i ' \i , ii th t n ■, i i i ! i i / 'n n i ! pr (i i 1 - i i i ' I , ft ~ o. , ! i i i 1 1 ■\ ' II 1 1 r I it fill ' ' \ n i II \ 1 fn . i , * .1 ll i i it t i J ml fi 'it hni I\i n ' ] r lin \ fi i i ii (ic rsl> t f 1 < J} I I i I.l*' Vhj i ) iii "-hlii i i i n "" to «3 r TAKI:iN TOO LiTKKAU/f. Tho tir••=■ el <iiy man railed in his officii bnv. ''.Tam.-s. - ' he sam. "Ye?, si'"." ans'.verr-'J tnat mo.=t :m-; porMntV rKOna ?°- , , T . . ; "I ;im very tired, and I nra coins to have an hour's rest in my chair hf-re." "Yes, t : .v." , i "it I happen to drop off, call me a* ; four o'clock. '
"Yes, sir." , \ The city man lay T>a-.-k in his chair, ■' folded his hands, closed his eyes, and ' was soon in the land of Nod, Ho was aAvaksned by the clock striking five, and called indignantly " James !" " Yes, sir." "Why didn't you call inn at four o'clock,"as I told you to do?" "Wei!, sir. you told iik: to call 3-ou if von had dropped off. I looked in at lour, and you hadn't dropped. You was sitting 011 tho chair sound asleep."-
THE STORY TELLER, Issue 15696, 9 January 1915
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