BY THE WAY.

Evening Star, Issue 9403, 26 May 1894, Page 1

BY THE WAY.

—Let your sense be dear, Nor with a weight of words fatigue the ear. Horace

She is a remarkable old lady, that Queen of ours, and no mistake ! Seventy-five on Thursday, and yet gallivanting at German weddings and “processing” before two millions of people at Manchester! After all, in her way, she is only a little less wonderful than her late Prime Minister. And on the whole, though they avail themselves of the British privilege of occasional growling, there is no doubt that her people are proud of her. “ Htirinri, ho always was,” complained i>oor Mrs Holt of her masterful Felix; and, if special correspondents anil such folk are to be believed, Her Majesty is n<» Joss haring —no Jess dominant, insistant, fmcible—than of old. And when was there a woman who didn’t like to have her own way ? It would be idle to exclaim, as Tennyson exclaimed forty-three years ago, “ May you rule us long since at seventy-five the Queen cannot have very long (o live; but there is no reason why we should not still put meaning and sincerity into our * God save the Queen.’ Colonial loyalty is a somewhat uncertain and complex quality, but most of us entertain a sentimental, half-affectionate reverence for this venerable lady, who has been the symbol of the national and Imperial greatness for sixty years save three. There is something majestic in the mere length of her public life and experience: from 1837 to 1894—what a spell it is ! And she has done very well, on the whole, showing herself, alike in greatness and weakness, to be a true woman. Do you say that this is a qualified sort of eulogy ? Well, I think it fairly well expresses the general, kindly, but distinctly sober, colonial feeling. However, we will close with a note of enthusiasm: Her court was pure, her life serene . . . A thousand claims to reverence closed lu her as mother, wife, and Queen.

I trust Mr Frank Thornton will have nothing serious to answer for ere he leaves Dunedin; but I have my doubts. * Charley’s Aunt,' as personated by “Fanny Eabs,” is a distinctly dangerous person. To an individual like myself—not given (as a rule) to much laughter, and less slim than once upon a time—she simply spells apoplectic peril Sydney Smith objected to being preached to death by wild curates, and why should I be tickled to death before my time by Mr Thornton ? True, such an exit would be euthanasia in comparison with Sydney’s clerical torture; and were I aweary of the world I would certainly select the lady from Brazil as an executioner; but “’tis Hie not death for which we pant,” Therefore is it that I bid Mr Thornton beware. Manslaughter is a serious thing, and who knows but that a Puritanic grand jury might find a true bill. This would verily be “an awfully false position” for the genial “Johnny” whose uncle lost an ironclad. Let me eke out this Note with a quotation from Charles Lamb—wisest ard most loyal of playgoers—on the Actingof Munden; the words express something of my own experience after seeing ‘ Charley’s Aunt ’ Not many nights ago I had come home from seeing this extraordinary performer in Cockletop ; and when I retired to my pillow bis whimsical image still stuck by me in a manner as to threaten sleep. In vain I tried to divert myself of it by conjuring up the most opposite associations. 1 resolved to be serious. I raised up the gravest topics of life ; private misery, public calamity; all would not do—

“ There the antic sat Mocking our state,” his queer visnomy—his bewildering costume—all the strange things which he had raked together- - till the passion of laughter, like grief in execs.-, relieved itself by its own weight, inviting the sleep which in the first instance it had driven away. But I was not to escape so easily. No sooner did I fall into slumbers than the same image, only more perplexing, assailed me in the shape of dreams. Not one Munden, but five hundred, were dancing before me, like the faces which, whether you will or no, come when yen have been taking opium—all the strange combinations, which this strangest of all .strange mortals ever shot his proper countenance into, from the day he came commissioned to dry up tl e tears of the town.

I flatter myself that the above quotation is Si r from infelicitous, and certainly Donna Lucia has played havoc with my usually humdrum dreams during the last few nights. And we wanted someone to come “ commissioned to diy up the tears of the town.’’

Apropos of the theatre, I have two critics! remarks to make. The first relates to a failing of Dunedin audiences, which I have heard more than one actor mention. Not long ago one e f our visitors put it something in this way; “ The people here are enthusiastic enough at the end of a first or second act—provided, of course, that they are pleased—that is, they will be generous with their applause when theg hate something more to get. But when the play is at an end, and there is nothing more to come, devil a cheer do we get. There is an instantaneous stampede.” I was inclined to regard my travelling friend’s complaint as at all events an exaggeration, but on Thursday night I began to think he had been about right. It was a holiday night; the theatre was crammed; the enjoyment was uproarious; at the end of the first and second acts the applause was enthusiastic ; but at the end of the third act—--0 the pitiful scantiness of the cheering ! The curtain went up again for a moment, and about twenty people may have clapped their hands, but the hundreds were putting on their coats or making for the door. There vas nothing more to get. Is that the explanation Anyhow, I can’t help thinking that our people might be a little more generous, or, rather, a little more grateful. And now for my second bit of criticism. The management is badly at fault in regard to the entrance to the stalls (pit, too, for all I know). On more than one night this week there has been an abominable and even dangerous scrimmage in the outside passage, owing to lack of proper facilities for taking the tickets. Tie door is opened just sufficiently to allow tie entrance of one not over-stout person, and there is a single ticket-taker. The system simply puts a premium on physical force and rudeness. Either the theatre should be thrown open much earlier, or there should be two or three tickettakers, with doors open, instead of fastened ajar. A trifling increase of expense can hardly be a consideration to the present company. Verb. sup. Sir Benjamin TV. Richardson’s letter to tie ‘Lyttelton Times’ is little short of a godsend. Not that I am profoundly interested in this worthy physician’s views on alcoholic beverages. Expcricntia does-it, as we used to say at school; and a sensible man will neither abstain at tie bidding of Sir Benjamin nor drink at tic bidding of Dr Batchelor. But Prohibitionists and t’other folks have been quarrelling about the Richardsonian views for months and years, both parties fighting for him d la Michael and Satan over the body of Moses. Unlike Michael, however, neither party has abstained from bringing railing accusations ; the language has been frequent and painful and free. And now, let us hope, this controversy is at an end. Sir Benjamin has spoken : Causa finitu cst. Then; is another point, however. Sir Benjamin writes : “The Rev, Mr Chodowski has quoted from me,” etc. Now, Sir Benjamin means well; but does he know'; Is he quite suie tlut Mr Chodowski was the quoter ? The following curious advertisement recently appeared in a Christchurch paper:—

libellous advertisement appearing in your paper to*day respecting the authorship of my lecture on the Talmud, knowing the source from whence emanates the impulse to attack my honor, I should not regard the contents of the advertisement worthy of any reply; more especially knowing who are the people to whom Mr Simmons has been foolish enough to lend himself as a willing tool. I simply say that Mr Simmons deserves the name of author of my lecture in the same degree and in the same manner as the paid typewriter or amanuensis deserves the title of author for copying manuscripts. As my paid ticket-seller and occasional copyist, Mr Simmons may consider he has a claim to the authorship, but in that case the doorkeeper at the theatre may claim the authorship of * The Mikado’ with equal justice. You will readily understand it will be far beneath me to be drawn further into this matter, and I only ask you to publish this in order that the public may not be misled, and in vindication of myself as the author of the lecture on the Talmud.—l am, etc.,

A. CiionowsKi, Minister of the Canterbury Hebrew (Vmgiegation.

April 2(!. The reader is naturally curious as to “tho source from which emanates the impulse,” etc., ami Mr Simmons's reply lets the cat out of the bag. Whisky or no-whisky seems to be at the bottom of it all. Hearken unto the “ghost

THE TALMUD. TO THE EDITOR.

Si r,—With reference to Mr Chodowski’s letter, contained in your issue of Friday, permit me to say that the insinuation as to my having become a tool of the Prohibitionist party is utterly false. As to the other matter referred to by your correspondent, I am ready and anxious to submit it to any proper tribunal, —1 am, etc.,

11. 51. Simmons. I gather that Mr Chodowski is regarded, rightly or wrongly, as the tool of the liquor trailers, ami that Mr Simmons is regarded, rightly or wrongly, as the tool of the Prohibitionists. And here let us leave them, as biographers say in their last paragraph. When investigation takes place before that “projier tribunal” I may return to the subject ami convey my congratulations and sympathy to the real Donna Lucia. She will have to bring her “ marriage lines.”

It just occurs to me that a very interesting little novelette could be written under the title of ‘ The History of a Yost Typewriter.’ At the first blush the subject looks a little unpromising, but there are potentialities in it. William Slack wrote the ‘ Adventures of a -Phaeton,’ Fergus Hume upon the mystery of a hansom cab—why not a book upon a Yost typewriter, which is not only a more ingenious machine than cither of the other two, but offers a much wider scope for interest and dramatic effect. In case the reader may jump to the conclusion that this Note is merely an advertisement, I hasten to explain that tho history of New Zealand may be very sensibly affected by the Yost, ami that in the near future. The argument proceeds in this way. The people of Palmerston present Scobic with a Yost. John gets fairly mad with rage and indignation. In that condition, which is one most unfavorable to speech-making, he goes to the Shag Point banquet (got up in consequence of the Yost, by the way), and makes a fool of himself. He then proceeds to Hyde, and, still smarting from the recollection of the Yost, makes a bigger fool of himself still. A Cabinet is hastily called, John’s o induct unfavorably discussed, and the Premier is compelled to proceed at once to Hyde to try and rab out the mischief caused by the Yost. He inevitably fails, however, for the motif of his visit is all too evident. Otago, which has been the stronghold of the Government, perceives that they are one and all of them really hostile to the Central Railway. It is recalled for the first time tiiat they used to stonewall Pyke’s Bill in the House. Confidence in the Government is shattered. The disaffection spreads to the North, where they have their own railways, with the progress of which people have long been dissatisfied. All tho other evil deeds of the Government arc suddenly recalled ; the House moots in a disagreeable mood, and the Government come down like a house of cards. And it is all due to the Yost.

Then think of the interest that might attach to the letters that Yost would write—when properly set out before the public, I mean. How would a series like this do, for instance : Thos. M-k-zie, Esq., M.H.IL, B—lclu—a. My dear Tom,—l am glad you liked my lecture on ‘ Political Leaders,’ and as for any jokes that may he scattered through it, if you can work them up for your speeches, ai. you say you can, you are quite welcome for mo. You won’t mind my saying, however—strictly between ourselves that joking is not quite in your lino, so yon have to be cautious. There is no danger of the jokes spoiling your speeches, of course, but your speeches might easily spoil my jokes. 1 think, myself, your best line is finance. Von don’t know much about it it ;s true, but then neither does anybody else in the House—Joe Ward least of all: so that you are quite safe. ... , . , You ask me for a list of subjects on which you could attack the Government during the session. I .should require a new supply of foolscap (this is a kind of paper, and is not, I assure you, a sly hit at yourself) to make out a complete list. Of course you have got the depression, the Upper House appointments, the conversion operations, and big things of that sort. But my own habit has always been to choose one or two subjects that are light in hand, and admit of dramatic action and effect, and to run them bard. There’s tho Pomahaka affair, for instance. John Douglas got far too much money for it. The thing has been a dead failure, and the other John knows it; so you can rush that in. Then there’s that cousin of iSeddon’s that he sent round the asylums at the country’s expense. There’s room for a lot of fine declamation there. As for the Colonel Fox affair, and the part Pat Buckley played in it—you have a regular plum in that. Your features arc unfortunately not very mobile and expressive. Try and work up a look of strong indignation and .scorn when yon ate on these subjects. It is very effective. leant give you the list you ask for of all the strongest of mv adjectives, but Beeves used to .sum them up in replying, so you’ll find them in Ilia speeches. If Steward is in the Chair yon can use them to any extent; hut if they stick O’Rorke there you’ll have have to be mighty careful. I agree with you that John has been making an awful fool of himself both at Hyde and the other place, but it all brings grist to the mil). I also agree with you that Newman will spoil everything if he can’t be made to hold his tongue. Don’t forget to practise the scorn and indignation business.—Yours truly, ,S/?0 — IE M— K—ZIE. Yes, I think a very interesting book indeed could be made out of that Yost. Nemo.