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JESTS—NEW AND OLD.

10 THE EDITOB. Sm, —Here is a collection of G-tO jests gathered together in the course of twentyfive years by W. C. Ha/lett. There is a preface and also a discourse upon jest books. At the close there is a paper on the life and writings of Joseph Miller, comedian. Here are some samples of these jests Some years ago one of the male convicts of Botany Bay wrote a farce, which was acted with great applause on the theatre in Port Jackson. Barrington, the noted pickpocket, furnished the prologue, which ended with these two lines True patriots we, for be it understood, Wo left oui country for our country’s good. “ Did you present your account to tho defendant ? ” inquired a lawyer of his client. “I did, your honor.” “And what did he say?” “He told me to go to tho Devil.'’ “And what did you do then?" “Why, then I came to you.” The late Sir John Holker, having concluded a case in Court, took off his wig and gown, and walked into Westminster Hall. Some visitors accosted him, and desired him to show them the place, which ho humored

them by doing; and they ended by handing Sir John sixpence—the first honest money, he used to say, he had ever made. Charles V., speaking of the different languages of Europe, thus described them : —"The French is the best language to speak to one's friend, the Italian to one's mistress, the English to the people, the Spanish to God, and the German to a horso."

Queen Caroline, in derision, asked the Duke of Argyll what sort of persons were the Scotch lairds? He answered "that they were like the German princes, very poor aud very proud." A Scotchman, having hived himself to a farmer, had a chceso set down before him that lie might help hiirself. His master said to him : "Saunders, you take a long time to breakfast." "In troth, maister," answered he, "a cheese o'this size is na sae soon eaten as ye may think." Pope's oath was "God mend me!" A link boy, to whom he had refused a penny, looking at his diminutive crooked stature, cried out: "God mend you, indeed! It would be less trouble to make a new one."

A noble lord, on his death-bed, observed to his coachman: H Ah, John ! lam going a longer journoy than ever you drove me." "Never mind, my lord," said John, "it is all down hill."

Dry uen's wife complained to him that he was always reading, and took little notice of her. " I wish," said she, " I was a book, and then I would enjoy more of your company." "Yes, my dear," replied Dryden, "I wish you were a book—an almanac I mean—for then I should change you every year." It was said in Lord Harbury's hearing that Tiyron called his abusers do<ja ; to which Harbury replied: "No doubt he wished their censures cur-laile.d." An old womun, walking down tho church aisle during service, in a large red cloak, heard the minister say : "Lord, have mercy upon us ! ! and then the whole congregation echoed: " Lord, have mercy upon us !" " Bless my heart!" cried she, stopping short; " did ye never see an old woman in a red cloak before." Such are fair and favorable samples of these G-tO jests—new and old.—l am, etc., J. G. S. Grant. Duuedin, June 20.

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Permanent link to this item

https://paperspast.natlib.govt.nz/newspapers/ESD18890622.2.36.3.7

Bibliographic details

JESTS—NEW AND OLD., Issue 7940, 22 June 1889, Supplement

Word Count
567

JESTS—NEW AND OLD. Issue 7940, 22 June 1889, Supplement

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