POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXXIII, Issue 138, 13 June 1942, Page 4

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Cortiment

BY PERCY FUr.E

The situation up on the coast of Alaska is all Dutch to the Japs. Now that Hitler has taken the bull by the horns, it's up to Stalin to'put his beef into it. - j*** ■ . ' Bashful Bill: Thank goodness we can still wear our trousers, graces are not on the ration list. * * * Melisande wants to know why certain Melbourne women should have a curfew. What's wrong with a curfew, she asks. * * * Between the old-fashioned quaint stage and the new out-and-out barbarism, the Jap had an intermediate period, in which he dropped an apology with the bomb. * * * OIL SHORTAGE, WELLINGTON. Mother loves her baby, Loves the little lamb— Takes him for an airing In his squeaky pram PIP. * * • "PEEM POME." Dear Flage,—l'm wondering what name your friend "Crowbar" has for the Jew's harp. In oor noose it was known as the "Peem Pome" (to rhyme with home). With a little bit of imagination the instrument becomes one of the ancient lutes. .50. * '* * GENTLEMEN, PLEASE! There is a story of a young midshipman from a destroyer which was helpl--ing in the evacuation of Dunkirk. , He sat in a small boat for eight hours with a megaphone, bombs and machine-gun bullets lashing the water all round him. And for the whole of this tune he repeated patiently to the soldiers who were crowding to the boats: "Single file, gentlemen, please." * * * NIPP-OFF! It seems the cocksure Japanee Has snapped into a trap at sea— The "GOB" is not the sap that he Presumed this naval chap to be, Since Nimitz,' "Midway" nemesis, Has shot him from these premises He's had to take the rap and flee! We view this Jap mishap with glee! This scrap should make the map more free. H. GALLAGHER. * * ♦ EPITAPH. Dear Flage,—We have heard of unusual epitaphs appearing on gravestones in the Old Land, but the following from a stone in the cemetery at Paeroa, to the memory of n miner killed in the Crown Mine in 1903, must be unique in New Zealand: "Farewell, dear wife, be content, For I to you was only lent, The Lord's but taken what was due, And very soon he'll call for you." Can any of your correspondents bring forward a more original epitaph from a New Zealand stone? Yours sincerely, R.L.A. I may add that only the one name appears on the stone, so the call has been delayed. * * ' * RATIONING. .' ; _ Dear Percy Flage,—C'est la guerre, (sez you), but only an expert can elucidate, vindicate, and exonerate the formula whereby sheets, blankets, and pillow slips are converted into pants, sox, and scanties. Back in the Maori war days we bushfighters used to wear bits of blanket in lieu of breeches. But on Lambton Quay, in the winter of '42? Here is an elementary problem: If A (who maintains a home) buys.a blanket and a pair of breeches, and B (who lets the jolly old landlord worry about the blanket) purchases two pairs of bifurcated garments? Answer: "Dunno" (back of problems book destroyed by Towser, in a lucid moment). So it's back to the blanket for MAORI MAC. * * * OUT OF SEASON. Jonquils, snowdrops, rhododendrons —and now a large strawberry ("Highland Park" brought it to us) .and a bo/.tquet of polyanthus roses (uncovered in our garden, greatly to our surprise). "Highland Park's" strawberry was in excellent health, showing good colour, and we sank our teeth into it with zest. A rare freak of Nature. It may be explained by the fact that it (and its colleagues) are hidden away fron. the southerly blitzes, so are our polyanthus roses. All of which reminds us of Boileau, who wrote of the force of Nature thus: "Nature always springs to the surface, and manages to show what she is. It is vain to stop or try to drive her back. She breaks through every obstacle, pushes forward, and at last makes for herself a way." * * * ■ ALLIE. Private D.H., who sends this verse ' of Robert Graves, regards it as one of the most charming poems for children he knows. That is our opinion also. Allie, call the birds in, The birds from the sky. Allie calls, Allie sings, Down they all fly. First there came Two white doves, Then a sparrow from his nest, Then a clucking bantam hen, Then a robin redbreast. Allie, call the beasts in, The beasts, every one. Allie calls, Allie sings, In they all run. First there came Two black lambs, Then a grunting Berkshire sow, Then a dog without a tail, Then a red and white cow. Allie, call the fish up, The fish from the stream. Allie calls, Allie sings, Up they all swim. First there came Two gold fish, A minnow and a miller's thuml\ Then a pair of loving trout, Then the twisted eels come. Allie, call the children, Children from the green. • Allie calls, Allie sings, Soon they run in. First there came Tom and Madge, Kate and I, who'll not forget How we played by the water's edge Till the April sun set. * «• * CREAM OF IT. Applications for free or cheap milk for expectant mothers or children under five have produced some gems of unconscious humour over in Old Dart. Here are samples: "Please send me form for supplying milk for having children at reduced prices." "I had intended coming to the milk office today, but have had fifteen children this morning." "Will you please send me a form for cheap milk? 1 have a baby two months old, and did not know anything about it till a friend told me." With these to whet their appetites, ; milk staffs won't "skim" their correspondence. • v