POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXV, Issue 70, 24 March 1938, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

8Y PERCY FLAGS

Chronicle and Comment

I Maybs the Minister of Defence 13 relying on that key-line in pur local national anthem: "God defend New Zealand." « * # "B.ish."—Add to the lisjt of really swanky publicity: "Efficiency Magazine, which is owned, published,- and ediphoned by Herbert N, Casson." China is winning the admiration- of the world by her gallant defence, but it would be more to the point if she could only win more battles. Here's hoping. • # ♦ "Observer."—But Count yon Liuckner omitted to say that Germany had no objection to importing other countries into her Government. Heil Greater Germany! • . «. ■ f' MODERN MACEDONIA? A. call from Europe which the British political St Pauls wjll apparently refuse to hear: "There's . a cry from Czechoslovakia, 'Com.c and. he.lp us!'" O.MABHAUN. * * ..'•';■ AVERSIONS. I.E. greatly dislikesr^ Music morning, noon, and night. Cracked and chipped cups in a rea» taurant. '■ ( Toprflat dwellers who ■ Insist on shaking mats and mops out of upstairs windows. ■ People who have no sense of humour. "Cat?" who are quick to condemn others unheard. "Josh" loathes (more or less)— The boairding-.house aroma on hot •rnqrnings. Social climbers who dress on the instalment system. I4pstick\ that comes off. . Bosses who. boss. > Gu?hers (nothing to do with. Oil Wells}./ . . . Steel guitars, INVENTIVE GENIUS. Apropos a Column S note touching on inventions,. "G.M." tells erf Charles Franklin Kettering, who is, vice-presi-dent in charge of the.research department of a big. American motor ftrm. His inventions' and mania for progress make plant and machinery, out of date as fast as they are built. Kettering has 150 patents-to his name, and has invented the self-starter, Deleo ignition, and (outside af motors) an electric cash register. He also helped develop ethyl, (anti-kno.ck petrol), duco, and the fever machine, now used for curing pneumonia and St.- Vitus dance. They all came from his te.nac.iou3 curiosity, For the encouragement of ■ weary inventors he says: "No man ever invents anything in the field in which he. is trained. He. knows too much about the obstacles. Only where his ignorance leads, him to believe ANYTHING is possible IS, anything possible." ' . '. * *.-. * BRAIN-TEASER: That last one was a misnomer, but, like sailors, we don't care. Things are that way.with us at the moment. How. ever, our solvers seemed to care quite a lot. P.L.H. had "only to read it to find the answer," which is as follows: The. owner (Mrs. A.) would just have to measure the yard lengthwise by the width- of the material, mark it, and then find half of it and mark that oft", and cut the material straight through. Mrs. B. (the Buyer) would get her U yards, and Mrs. A. would have left 3J yards. "Rita" suggests it might have coma from the "Children's Magazine." Scotty Morris was rather more charitable. '% A. M. Makin Tosh" plays us off in braid Scotch—in this wise: "Flage, ye must geeve up yon Santy Yana; it's dullin' yer intellec' and has no the steemulatin' effect of a giu'd Scotch brew." 7. "Isabel,". "Enzed," and "Mummy" send the solution without comment. We shall try to do better on Saturday. • • * ■; MORNING TEA MONOLOGUE, "-; No, dear, I don't feel overcast Now that the awful crisis past. '■ On the con-trary, I can see A'ead as plain as plain can be That Right will triump, in the end, With Britain as its guide-'n'-friend, Though larst1 week she an' France both 'ad What's called the jitters pretty bad, As "did fair Checho what's-its-name— A prawn, dear, in this deadly game. Talkin' uv prawns—Bill caught a era* Out on the rocks at Breaker Bay; , We 'ad it for our supper, ,dear, With onions an' a glass uv beer, An 1 when I went to sleep—gee whiz! I found -.out what a nightmare is (Or ' was). • I dreamt of lobsters red An* pop-eyed snuffling- in my bed. Now that the war clouds 'aye tools -. wings ' . My mind, can turn to 'appier things Without me' conscience gettin' sore An' stingin' me, aft an' before. So let's not talk uv that great goal*. Franco, whose gruntin' legiqns roll Thenjugglenaut on Spain's pale breast, Bombin' 'er brightest an', 'er best; Or China welterin' in 'er woe, While fierce she fights 'er frantic foe; Or fears that 'olds the earth enthral. Or them white butterflies what fall Feet first on gardens, an' drillholes Clean through th 4 veges 1 simple souls. No; let us strike a nicer note, As Shakespeare said-one time, or wrote, An' 'elp the world to smile again . . . What'll wipe out a green ink stain? •Ghoul? ♦ * - -. * MIXED METAPHOR. S. Hines (Brooklyn) writes: In going over some old papers recently I came across these cuttings. A few of them I well remember hearing from my seat in gallery:'. Dr. Newman once declared that it was too bad to tax a man every time he had a family. Then this, from J. H. Witheford: "I feel so sick of the whole business, I feel like throwing up my seat." ■ Mr. W. A. Veitch (Wanganui) once took his debating stance and said: "The Prime Minister has presented a very - beautiful picture, but I am not going to swallow it." Speaking on the daylight saving, Mr. G. W. Forbes said: "I did not vote for Mr. Sidey's Bill. I preferred to pair and go home to bed." Mr. T. M. Wilford is reported as saying: "The- hon. gentleman is just a .. fledgling, only just beginning to try his teeth." Sir Joseph Ward: I have knocked ' the hon. gentleman's legs from under. • his feet A physiological aspect coloured the debate when Mr. Isitt said: "There was nothing like having one's backbone well to the front." Mr. H. E. -Holland,.-with his usual gravity, said he "had received answers from ■ six married men, every one of whom had a wife.". This mixed metaphor from Mr. Jennings (Egmont): "If the-'Government gave them what they want, the eyes of the women would sparkle with delight, and the good old ship New Zealand would be at the top of the trefc* (To be continued.), ,_v (