POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXX, Issue 87, 9 October 1935, Page 10

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

Mussolini's legionaries should worry about those waterless areas. They have plenty of tanks. ••Follow-up" of those liquorish Paris lipsticks: Teetotallers' song—"Drink To Me Only With Thine Eyes.'-' Though we find butter at Is 3d a drain on our purse, we don't mind so long as the farmers are happy. Unlike the Italian armies in Ethiopia the League seems to be much too backward in pressing forward. * . *' » . Last month, when many parts of England were still in the grip of the drought, it was reported that "villages in the Puddle Valley are very short of water." ■ *..,« «■"■■' PLAYBOYS. Scenes I've seen on greens I've been. Out with the Plimmerton boys 'with their gumshoes on, when we went rol« ling over the bowling over the bowling green, with a roller fillet to Plimsolls, on the opposite bank a battle of the "long pull," for a spotter and a long, long trail. A shot in the locker up in the pavilion, far from Postscripts poets, and penury—meet Mr. Persi flage: here's to him—may his shadov ever be with us. . ; L '". WILL GEE. RECORD BREAKERS. That marathon golf match in Christ--church, which was decided at the SOth hole, looks like a world record. Here's another unusual happening in the field of sport—details forwarded by. George Andrew. Some years ago at a race meeting held at (he thinks) Moorefield Park, Sydney, three horses dead-heated in a sprint event. One of the owners refused to divide, and the horses were sent but again. This time two of them crossed the line nose and nose, and the judge could not separate them. The third horse belonged to the owner who insisted on the run-oft 'Again: in a 200 yards swimming event at Toronto, New South Wales, the whole Six competitors dead-heated. It was a decision which was almost unanimously approved by the spectators. . • ■ . • ' ♦.' . . ' ' TOKIO'S 81 CAR ACCIDENTS DAILY. The Government is to consider the establishment of a National Safety Council to carry out a campaign of educating motorists and the public in the correct uses of the road. Tokio, too, needs some such organisation, judging by its latest casualty figures. During the first, six months of this year Tokio registered 14,600 motor-car accidents—an average of 81 a day. One of the main causes of insecurity is the fact that there are some 12,000 cruising taxi-cabs, which roam the streets and swoop down on any • prospective "fare." These craft are incredibly cheap; one can take a ride of many miles for a little over 7d. This verycheapness, and the willingness to accept an incredibly small margin of profit (above, his operating expenses, makes the Japanese driver almost inevitably reckless. Eager to "pick \up as many fares as he can in the course of the dayjsihe works extremely long1; hours;and sometimes almost falls asleep at the wheel from fatigue. Once he obtains a passenger he tries to reach his destination as rapidly as possible, and consequently, in the language of ,a Tokio newspaper, "speeds as fast as he can short of utterly 'wrecking his machine and killing everyone in his way." Bicycles, too, are something of a nuisance in Tokio. There seem to* be more bicycles in the Japanese capital than anywhere else in the world; and many of their riders 'display remarkable acrobatic skill, balancing piles of trays, laden with breakable dishes, on one hand, while they guide the handle-bars with the other. ' « c • * GETATCHAH ABATA. Haile's new War Minister ' Has a first name sinister— Ominous—for-the'Roman- l ' Fascist foemen .;,.... Threading Abyssinia Sunburnt and skinnier, ' Getting wearier and waryer, '■ ■ Dysentery and malaria ... And then-^Getatchah: "Wait till •we catch yer!" Death the Shadower Over Adowa, Tabetcha, Amba ... Tanks that clamber . . - Fierce blood-spilling ... Danakils killing— Each a life-sriatcher— Shouting and shrilling: "Let us Getatchah!" If there are omens : In names,, then the Romans Have something to ponder When Haile's legions thunder. Sneaking and 'sniping, Swooping and swiping. Their war cry: "Getatchah! By heck, if we catch yer We'll quickly dispatch yer." We hope no one will write in and say that Getatchah is pronounced "Ketchup," the "x" being soft as in whortleberry. ■ * ' * '* . . CUSHY JOBS. Well, "Serge"! It's not all medals and mufti being a returned digger these days. With this new dust-up on the horizon we are. being continually asked by the young bloods for suggestions as to which is the best branch, of the service to join. As we tell them, it's not so much the outfit they select, as working their "block" for a cushy job when they get into it. Of course, the best jobs generally go to tradesmen, or those in a profession. For instance, if you are a plumber, you will probably become a sergeant cook, while a blacksmith is likely to become: a captain in charge of sanitation. For a good, penman and typewriter tickler there are some restful jobs^o be had at Base Records, and as Headquarters is likely to be in Cairo, it's better to be in the cool of the office than trudging through the blazing desert. Bank clerks and accountants should hop into the Pay Corps. Hardup diggers can always be "touched" for a rake-off from their pay, especially, when it's overdrawn. Bookmakers and punters will find crown and anchor and two-up to their liking, and just as exciting when the "Jacks" hop in. Footballers are exempt from throwing Mills bombs, provided they can handle a football. "Hundreds of musicians are required for the regimental bands and concert orchestras. It's all pay and very little play in this game. If you can sing "Show Me the Way to go Home" you are set for the YJM. concert party, while anyone who can masquerade as the "Blonde Bombshell" gets into the "Diwy" Entertainers. Soap-box orators and radio announcers should make good sergeantmajors. Motor mechanics with RollsRoyce experience are wanted to drive spare generals round. And "Spike"' Murphy from the "Doris and Duck" will be able to handle the hogsheads at the canteen with ease. What job do we want? It all depends whether the Women's Army Auxiliary Corpi goes into action again. -: ■ ; PIG, WEVEW