POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXIX, Issue 30, 5 February 1935, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

8V PERCY FLAGE

We are putting a bold front on things today, but our back is still extremely sensitive. ■ . ...« ♦ * • The Home egg market is reported as depressed. What is needed is-an-other election campaign. » a # If that Jehol border flare-up had not subsided there may have been Sheol to pay. ... .»••■*.- « There is some consolation in the fact that the hold-up specialists occasionally fail down on the job. ./':•'■ • • '. • AN ARCH BISHOP. An absent-minded bishop was asked in a railway carriage for his ticket. After much searching through his pockets, he was invited by the inspector, '"not to bother—you will come across it later, sir." "But I have to bother," said the bishop as he continued Ms search. "I must find the ticket to know where I am going to." ■■-■• ■* ■ .••■•.' • .■ RBCIPK FOR HAPPINESS. You'll meet a host of happy days - If you this course pursue: When doing not the thing you like, Just like the thing you do. •. . • ■ • SERVE HIM RIGHT. Dear Flage,—Here is a clipping from an evening sheet:— So : and-So,, aged 54, steward, was fined £25 for carrying on business as i a bookmaker in the Wellington Police Court today. 1 .Was his Worship Mr. E. Page hav- [ ing a quiet punt on Gold Trail, as the [paper distinctly.says "carrying on b'usiI ness as a bookmaker in the Wellington [Police Court"? I Yours very affectionately, | PHAR LAP. Auckland. • • "• OH, PLEASE! The. Minister of Employment recently stated: "I am pleased to report I that the revenue from unemployment i taxation is well up to expectations." |This sounds to me something,like the Emperor in "The Mikado" when he mentions "Boiling Oil." Now for my Iturn: We are "pleased" to report that there will be no reduction in income a.id land tax, that sales tax receipts will beat, the record, that Customs revenue will soar, that motor-car taxation will boom, and that the; Income Tax Department will continue to validate by Act of Parliament all wrongful and illegal misdeeds after they have been licked in our Courts of Justice. In short, we are highly "pleased" with the whole issue and are truly thankful that we are now round the corner and are so much closer to a General Election. Ever yours, 'ORACE. #_ # ■ ' * POSTED . , . MISSING. Half a dozen Postscripters.—And to you—salutations.- We shall not feel like a giant refreshed until our scapulae cease tingling. ' ' ; A.W.—Last stanza- needs disciplining a little. That done, in it goes in its > iturn. .■•■■•■■:•■."•;'.•■'■.;•.■ ". ...1.'.,.,.,-. :'. r r : ;'"Flip."—Put; it down IpVour ;ppsti iholiday obtuseness, but' ' the point escapes us. :; F. ("Gratitude").—Prefer you in less serious vein. ■ "Tukapa Kokb" (Cook Islands).— Mame must be happy again. So fat we have avoided haliatosis and athlete's foot,/but you should see our housemaid's knee! " 'Arry."—lt's a hard world, as you say, but your false rhymes don't make it any easier. Carry on. "Telephoney."—Tell another! "H. Jay.-'—You are a stout championi of Island, Bay as a seaside rendezvous, but your jingle is not quite up toth» mark. "Belladonna."'—Come on in: ths water's fine. L.A.B.—We went after that sensationally cheap fruit, but all we got was the "raspberry" from the auctioneer. Claude Mackgurkinshaw.—Thanks, but publication might imperil somebody's job. * ■ ■■#•■. * LET'S PRETEND. Well—here we are again, you see, Surcharged with oodles of h.p., Keen to take up our fountain pen That dribbles nonsense now and then,. iWe only had to go on leave To realise the joie de vivre Is WORK—just that: that holidays ;Are a mere silly empty craze Calling for statutory ban As being a handicap to man, Sowing the seeds of slothfulness, :And other dangerous microbes ... yei. It's simply great once, more to be Not gazing out towards Kapiti— Mauve in the dawn and twilight skies— Or watching the South Island rise Into the sunset; or to feel Warm green seas lave us head to heel; Or floundering after flounders and Bringing much driftwood to the land With zeal and eke dispatch, the while Beach strollers are impelled to smile,And all our soul longed for a dish Of (for a change) a spot of fish. Behind the same old desk we sit, And truly, mighty glad of it. Our lotus-landish lust has died— Toil, packets of it; is our pride. The patient w.p.b. Yawns to us almost hungrily. The drab old roof just to our right ; Adds, you may guess, to our delight ' The noise, the inky, dusty smell Are dearer far than we can tell Who tread once more the blasted' heath. (Excuse us while we gnash our teeth.)] » ♦ * "RACKETTY'S" RICOCHET. Hullo, "Sarge!" Had a good leave?; Nice drop of ice-cream weather you struck. Yes, we know how you feel about getting back. It's a fair cow. That's just what "Racketty" ttussell thought. : But in his case ■he couldn't click any leave at all. Went properly crook. -Told the sergeant to keep his "blanky" guns and his • stripes, too. ,Then' just to show his spite, "Rack" l.went out on a lone patrol and souveni.ired a jar of rum. That evening 1 some of the boys gathered in his bivvy | and helped him to cut it- out. i Well, the product of Jamaica being i true to label, most of them finished up in the cart. But worst of all was the host. The next morning he scumbled out feeling as though he Jwd malaria, typhoid, and enteric rolled into one. Nothing for it but to parade sick. Dr, "Doc," who was then Uve 6th Howitzer Battery's M.0., surveyed the dejected-looking gunner. "WeH,-Rus-sell," he asked, "what's, wrong with you?" "By cripes, do,c, I'm. crook." moaned "Racketty." "My head's thumping, eyes are : burnmg, and j throat's sore. Got. pains in me back and chest, and me legs are like lumps of lead." "H'm," said the M.O. "A very serious case. I'm afraid you are [past the help of medical science. . I advise you to wander up. the front line and get shot." • ■■■■■ DIG. WEVBt*