POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXIV, Issue 16, 19 July 1932, Page 6

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

Anyhow, now tLat confidence is reported to bo returning, we hop© and trust it won't bo sandbagged at the corner we have to turn. * . « ':• NOT YET, BUT WE HOPJ3 TO. Deaiv Percy, Flage,—With reference to old King Coal and those four species of band, have you heard disband Hi» Majesty's Coal Seam Guards! ■ • DUPE OF HA-GUILE. ' * » "■«."• SAVAGERY. ■ Culled froni a report in a, London Sunday journal— The body was cut about in an unbelievable manner. Scarcely a fragment, of -what was once a vital living thing remained recognisable. We've seen bilious sub-editors pef» petrate- that sort of crime. • \ •• i • ' • ' :. . DEDUCTION. : Because outsiders have won .all. th« honours worth winning omthe British and. Continental courts, one of England's reputedly leading authorities oa the game.is convinced "that all is not well with British lawn tennis." And there .might bo something in his point when you come to think on it. NEVER LET IT BE SAID! Dear Percy Plage,—Why not bring our nursery rhymes up to date as thusf We had a little statesman, His name was Gordon Coates, - We sent him off to Ottawa, To earn his winter oats; The Canucks fed and toasted, him Until his speech grew thick, And then they very thoughtfully Sold him a nice gold brick. ' ' ' , Wairau, ' Blenheim. 1 . ■' * ■» ■ '' *■ .■■'•.■■■•■ ATTENUATED SPEECHES^ It is suggested that Parliament will meet for what is known as the "work* ing" session about the middle of September, and that it may not rise until near Christmas. This may. very well give rise, to considerable trepidation, seeing that that doughty warrior and Crimean i and Maori War veteran, Sei> geant-Major E. : Bezar, of Wellington, has calculated that the Hansard reports of the speeches made in the last specialsession, if placed end to end, -would stretch out for 787 yards,if arranged in columns, and for eight miles if ex-. tended in a single line. ' , . Omadhauru ' * »■■•■■*' ■ , . MONOTONE. So I am not fo; die! So.not is Angujs. I would have slain that bull as would - my, forbears; - ■.■- I would have pulled him down, with lust for slaughter; • ■ , I.i his life's.gushing stream my,bloody mask imbrued. ■~.'' But yet I bear him no ill-will. Eevolting It is that men should think to bring him Piecemeal and cold as butcher's meat twico daily! ; Poor Angus I He" has neither kith nor , kin—he'a , lonely. I have my mate and cubs. They ar« my future ■...,; And life is sweet, c 'en to a caged lioa. ' HAMISH DHU. P.S.—I apolp'giso for this—it isn't funny. 'It isn't even intended to "b« So." '■'.'■.'■ " . :- -._'. .. ■ «■■■«■ - • CUESOEY NURSERY RHYMES. Dear Percy Plage,—Never do we forget our nursery rhymes—the dear nonsense verses of our childhood. I»ik» this: .■"-:> ' ■■ '• ;"'•:'- . . Sing'a song of sixpence, A paper full of news, Of Mr. Semple's sympathy . . For animals in zoos. The* boss had gone to Ottawa,. ' To sell New Zealand hooey; The Council in its Chamber Was counting all its money. The Red Cross and Smith Family. Were spreading • out the clo 'eg, When out came all the wild: beasts, <Vnd what next? —Goodness knowf. • • ' '..*,.■■"• * ■ ■ THIS ATAVISM. Dear Sir Percy,— ' Being .the Salt of the Earth, primary school teachers and daily columnists only (mould be awarded titles ■ and orders, with adequate emolument (not to be fixed by certain City Councillors), go ensuring an aristocracy of. intellect. Selah.' , \. ~ In a school not far from the biggest and brightest city of New Zealand a teacher was horrified, to learn that not one in the class knew the meaning of atavism, lie tried to ■ explain it by » fable, in words more or less. like (these: ' 'Tor many generations a North Bussiari family named Mosnastikoff, which was a mixture" of Slavs, Teutons, and Asiatics, was one of the peasantry, living and dying in cold storage. There being no railway goods train, the only occasional excitement' was the delivery of small caviare on hot buttered toast to vulgar boatmen. One day one of the junior male offspring: had yearnings and secretly left homo. He secured a pack of shoe-laces and other objets d-'art,' and hiked all over Europe, selling, shoe-laces and-dolls eyes at palaces, embassies, and government houses. He walked so far, and gathered so. much money that his astragali "gave out, and weakening at the .fetloeka, he developed fallen arches and larks Leels,. also his calved moved round to the front. After many years' wandering, he reached a large seaport and going aboard a ship to sell shoelaces, he was carried many miles oversea, eventually landing in a new-and beautiful country. .The Mayor asked1 if he wcro an Early Settler. Ho replied that lie always took his.cash-dis-counts at prompt date, so ho was giveii a thousand acres of the. good oarth. He grew a spade-beard and. dug the land, and raised sheep, cats, and rabbits. Moro good carthTwas. bought) and h« became painfully prosperous. He begat (yes, begad) sons and daughter*, who, having a rich pa, joined this first-, fifteen, wore pink finger nails, and "rev'd" at government houses,' legations, and consulates. They said rahly for really, and were of the crimede la creine. This, only ond generation from selling shoe-laces at government houses. Now one of the Bjight Young Mosnastikoffs of the third generation, who affected flowers on his galluses and wore socks and' ties of th» same radio activity, arid- which wer* card indexed, had an irresistible urg« to serve small caviare to vulgar boatmen, and to eat icicles au natural^ so . ho gave all his money to Communists except enough to-buy a drosjki, and went back to his grandpa's homo, wher* the SO WETS were drawing five-year plans and things." That, said the master, is atavism, a throwing back, a reversion to type. Now, lie added, will some pupil tell n« the meaning of atavism?" "Please, sir, it's selling shoe-lacei at government houses." . . "0 Death where is thy sting!!!"

LYDIA SAUCEBOX,