SCIENTIFIC DIET.

Evening Post, Volume CV, Issue 142, 16 June 1923, Page 19

SCIENTIFIC DIET.

I eafc my raisins and my yeaet, Absorb my iron, and vitamines. Three times a day I go to fea«t ■ Along thea'e scientific lines. . I take my grape juice in between, A good thing, as you must allow. Affairs with me are all serene, I'm boarding at a drug store now. "Judge." "Sir, 1 am a woman of my word." "Yes, but which.one?" "What's the greatest danger in motoring?" "The police." Bernstein—Don't you think Cohen is apromising young man? Goldstein —Aoh ! But he never pays ! Sunday School Teacher —What if you should break one of the Commandments? Pupi!—There would be nine left. "Tell me. John, have you read my new book?" "Yes, but I feel a . trifle better by now." "This free verse is getting harder to understand every day." "You ere reading the ohes3 problems, my boy." Small Girl (as sister's fiance slips on banana skin) —Look, mamma, he's worshipping the ground she treads on!" Magistrate—"You certainly committed this burglary in a remarkably clever way —in fact, with quite exceptional cunning." Prisoner.—"Now, your worship, if there's one thing I hate it's flattery!" "Someone told me you had got married. May I congratulate you if it isn't too late?" "Thanks, but it 13; I was married last w.eok!" A young melodramatist. telling the Btory of his new play to a theatrical manager, 6aid: —"As the robbers crawl in- at the window, the clock strikes one." "Ah, said the manager, "which one?" Magistrate (peering over his spectacles at diminutive prisoner)—" What's the charge?" "Attempted suioide," said the burly constable. "Indeed! How was that?" "He wanted to fight me, your Worship I" He kissed the parlourmaid, and the girl screamed. The wife came in and looked around suspiciously. "Fifi, why ditf you scream?" "Through joy, madam. The master has just doubled my wages." Jones—You say she is proud? Jenkins—Proud ? Why, that woman wouldn't read a serial story because she would have to buy it on the instalment plan! "The dealer made you pay more than this picture is worth," commented the artist. "I know it," answered Mr. Cumrox. "I'm selling him a piece of property, and I want^ to convey the impression that I am guileless and easy." A little boy had been sent to the dairy to get some eggs, and on his way back he dropped the basket containing them. "How many did you break ?" asked his mother. "Oh, I didn't break any," he replied, "but the shells came off some of them!" The cake had been passed to every one at the table but Bobbie, age three and a half years. Bobbie—l'll take a piece of take, plase. Mother —No, dear, banana cake is too heavy for little boys. Bobbie (after several seconds of thought)— Well, I'll use both hands. "It seems to me, my dear," remarked the ypung husband at tea-time, "that there is something wrong with this cake." "That shows what you know about it," laughed the bride triumphantly. "The cookery book saya it's perfectly delicious." Stern Father (to daughter): "Look here, Mollie, this young man of yours comes too often. What are his intentions?" Mollie (with a smile and a shy little bluah) : "I don't know, dad. You see, he keeps mc—cr —so much in the dark." "Deduction is the thing," declared the amateur detective "For instance, there is a pile of ashes in our yard. That is evidence that we have had fires this winter." '■ "And, by the way, John," broke in his wife, "you might go out and sift that evidence." The very modern artist was explaining his theories. "You see," he eaid, "what we aim at is the elimination of the egocentric vision, without destroying the essential unity of the subconscious reflex. Do you follow mo?" "I'm well ahead of you," said his friend. "I oame out of the asylum yesterday." A Scotsman said to his friend after n:orry evening: "Do ye ken whaur Andy Graham lives the noo?" "Whist!" -said his friend, "ye're Andy Graham yersel'." "I'm uo as'cin' ye if ye ken Andy Graham," was the reply; "I'm askin' ye if ye ken whaur he lives." An English tourist iv the Highlands, during wet weather, said to an old boatman, "Angus, do you. know where I could get a mackintosh for my daughter?" "I do not," said Angus. "But there's a fine young Macdonald up yonder, and he's a. bachelor. Maybe he'd suit the young lady." "Want to marry my daughter, I suppose?" snapped the old millionaire as he glowered at the young mnn beforo him. Then, adjusting his glasses, he added: "By the way, aren't you one of my daughter's former suitors?" "N-n-no, sir,"'faltered the timid youth. "Well, you are now," said the old man, as he turned away. "Good day."/ The mother of two boys, aged respectively five and seven, had a hard question to settle. The younger boy came to her crying with exasperation that he was "sixpence short." •'Well, what's the use of yelling about it?" said his elder brother, who was calmly eating chocolates. "You don't think I took it, do you?" "I don't say you did," the little fellow replied; "but I'm sixpence short,, and,you're eating chocolates!" :