WHERE IGNORANCE

Evening Post, Volume CIV, Issue 25, 29 July 1922, Page 17

WHERE IGNORANCE

"What garment is tins?" asked a Judge, when shown a oamisole. A little learning is a dang' rou« .thing, Aa judges find, to many a court's diversion, When asked their massive intellect to bring To bear upon- "insertion." Tho' trained in legal jargon from their youth, . , And skilled in divers processes of headwork, Their lordships have been known to fail, forsooth On questions of drawn threadwork. j Alert to cut the Gordian knots of law, • Disseot a legal problem and discuss it, They cannot tell you why an edge is ' "raw," ■ Or c'en locate a gusset. Detachment has them firmly in its grip, Confession seems to give them absolution, The only "things" o'er whioh they never trip Are stays of execution. Chronicle— " A.W.

The Bos»—Young man, have you ever been to college? Applicant for Position (in blushing apology)—Er—well,' y««. sir, I hay it was only a small college and I stayed only three months.

Wifie —Dear John, mother waa so pleased with all those nioe things you said about her in your letter. You see, sho openedl is by mistake.. Hubby—Yes, I thought she would.

"Can any one tell me where the home of the swallow is?" asked the teacher. There was a long, pause, finally followed by this response: "The home of the swallow is in the stummick." „

To a maker of movies an earnest lady who wished to "uplift" the screen suggested a version of Shakespeare's farce, "The Taming of the Shrew." "Not on your life!" boomed the magnate. "I've lo«t enough money already on animal pictures.1' /

Comedian—Poor old Harry got the bird properly last night. They hissedj him right off the stage. Then I came on. The audience quietened down and listened tomy fir*t number with every attention. Then, just as I wa» giving 'em my patter, blowod if they; didn't start hissing old! Harry' again. ' ,

"You say that) this man has a grudge against yon?'* demanded the Judge. "Yes, your Honour," replied Bill the Beggar. "When I was blind he useta steal the pennies from my cup, and when I was a cripple he'd run down the street with my iox of pencils." "Anything else?" "Yes, your Honour. Once when I was deaf rjidi dumb he shot off a fire-oracker s underneath me."

Workman: "Ten pahnd! But the Court gave me a 'undredpahnds compensation." Solicitor: "But, my dear fellow, you —er —forget the little matter of—cr —my costs and expenses. Just ninetypounds." Workman: "Lurflme! Wos it me wot fell off the blinkin' ladder, or wos it you?" * ■ / . .

Fond Mamma: "Yea, my darling, those /little boys next door have no father or mother, and no kind Aunt Jane. Wouldn't you like to give them something? Archie (with great enthusiasm) : "Oh, yes, mamma. Let's give them Aunt Jane."

"I say, old chap," said Smith to Tomlins, "what' 3 that piece of string' round your finger for ?" "Thank you for mentioning it," was tho/reply. "I put it there as a reminder to ask you for that sovereign. I lent you a year ago."

Patience: "Does this hat look funny on me?" E^teice: "No, but you look fimny under thafoat."

Women may be able to make cake according to directions, but they cannot manage husbands that Way.

The Clergyman: "Do you mean to nty that your wife goes to church every Sunday without you?" Farmer: "Well, it isn't my fault. I can't persuade her to stay at home." ; =„

"Henry," whispered Mrs. Smithera, straightening up in bed, "what's that noise in the library?" "Must be history repeating itself," muttered Henry drowsily. "Go to sleep."

Mrs. Crimsonbeak: "I see a woman Kaa discovered a way of preventing her losing her hair." Mr. Crimsonbeak:. "Indeed! And what does she do?" Mra. Crimson: beak: "Locks it in her safe."

Wife (at breakfast): "I want to do some shopping: to-day, dear, if the weather is favourable. • What is the forecast" Husband (consulting his paper): "Rain, hail, thunder, and lightning."

Seryani (complaining to a friend): "My mistress is certainly the original mean woman. To keep watch on me she numbered the coffee beans, and to-day she came and accused me of stealing No. 37."

"What broke up the ladies' debating society ?" "The leading member was told to prepare an essay on the Yellow Peril. She did so, and the opening sentence read: 'Yellow apparel is very trying to most complexions.' "