Travelling politics.

Evening Post, Volume LXXI, Issue 136, 9 June 1906, Page 10

Travelling politics.

(Scene. — A third-class carriage on the DistrSet Railway, about 7.30 p.m. In the thwartship seats a group of mixed men aTe exchanging views. The conductor keeps an eye on them, for he has heard the word "whole-hogger," and he is a, man given to precautions. A small bleak man seated on the fore-and-aft) bench, with his overcoat unbuttoned to show that he is in evening dress, listens frowningly to the discussion, and raises his eyebrows from, time +0 time to indicate tlhat he too could a tale unfold.) Plausible Man (speaking temperately) : Common-sense and a little 'umour is all that's wanted. If both parties would only take it as a joke in the spirit it's offered in, v/e wouldn't have none of whab I may call these recriminations. Stout Person (breathing hard) : Question is. Do we want more jokes?. What with these aliens and Chinese, give me alittle seriousness. Now take our present King Plausible Man (protesting good-natured-ly) : 'Old 'ard. You don't want to bring no persrialities into it. The point to consider ain't what Tom, Dick, or 'Arry may 'aye to say, bub how you're to look at it yourself. After all, the election's supposed to be good for trade. Stout Person (explosively): Supposed! 'lhoughtful PaTty (withdrawing 'aggressive pipe and speaking with it posed jusO beyond his lips) : Then wot about sitting on a jury? (Resumes pipe.) Plausible Man (with rather less plausibility) : 'Ow jer mean — juries ? Thoughtful Party (solemnly, his utterance somewhat marred by pipe aforesaid) : Four days they kep' me waiting, 'angin' about the courts, and then w<> finished the case in 'alf an 'our. What's a little 'umour got to do witti that ? Stout Person (in strong support) : Ah ! Now take our present King Plausible Man (appealing to audience, obviously against him, with an air of deadly patience) : I arsk you, now, whether you reely think that argument an' abuse is the- same thing. 'Ow can I explain to this — this individual The Audience : 'Ens— steady on, o\o man t Pimply Youth (in corner, with pleasant smile) : Why don't yer take dtTwith a. little 'umour, old man? (Applause and laughter, which causes the conductor to frown forebodingly and the plausible man to writhe.) Plausible Man (desperately) : Am I given to understand tilint the sense of what I may designate this gathering is against a sense of 'umour? Because, if so, 1 'aye been lub'riitg under a misconception. All I desire to advance is that, properly regarded, thiee 'ere elections should not be made the excuse for reflections. (Proudly). lam an Englishman, I am. (The audience is slightly impressed.) Stout Person : That don't prove nothing. Now take our pi-escnt Thoughtful Party (ruthlessly) : Ain't wo all Englishmen? (Regarding bleak onlooker fixedly). Why, that gent's probably an Englishman, even. (B)cak onlooker coughs deprecatlingly,) • Pimply Youth (with a proud air) : It's all very well to say you're an Englishman. Anybody can say that. The thing is, ack like one. You arid your sense of 'umour! Plausible Person (with hostile politeness) : You'll pardon me, but I was not aware I had addressed any remark to you, sir. So if you'll kindly keep your observations till tlhey are asked for, you'll bo conferring a favour. (Keeps jpimply youth for thirty seconds within focus of deadly stare.) c Elderly and Florid Man (intervening) : Come, nkh ; wots. the use of gettin' ■ 'cated over a little friendly argument? ! Politics ain't so important as all that. (With conscious bonhomie.) A bit o' give aD take goes a long way in this world. (Beams about him.) j Stout Person (conciliatingly) : Grin and bear it's a good motter. We carn't all be right. Now, take our present : King ' Plausible Man ' (dejectedly) : I should like to make it clear to all present that anything offensive or uncalled for was not at all what I intended. My solo objee', if I may 60 term it, was to express the opinion that elections would be a deal more pleasant fdr all parties if they was viewed in the Jight of a libtle friendly contest, with nothing meant on either side. (Recovering assurance.) To put iO in a nutshell, so to speak, it's nothing but politics that spoils these elections. They work thing's better in Germany, I can tell yer. . Elderly Man (with open admiration) ; Now, that's what I call talking. Plausible Person (now quits himself again) : No unemployed there, there ain't; no havin' a man tlhat you've known all yer life for a common kind of chap comin' along and saying he's the accepted Labour candidate, and askin' for yer vote as if 'c was, better than you. Pack of blown-out peacocks, the 'ole set of 'em. Stout Pairty (open-mouthed) : Did they do that? Plausible Person (with energy) : Did they? Did they? 1 tell you, my friend, that down our way life wasn|t worth living, not after Jenkins started this Parliamentary dodge. Wot with his missis driving from 'ous© to 'ouse in a motorcar Tho Audience: Go on! Plausible Man (earnestly) : It's aa true ns I'm telling you. Jenkins, if you please ; Bill Jenkins ; old Bill, wot) I've known Stout Party (startled to shrillness) : Not old Bill — 'im ns used to come along of a Sunday morning Plausible Person (shnplj ) : Yes, 'im. Ktout Party (overcome, to others) : I can answer to knowing hiiif for twenty years, on and off. Old Bill Jenkins ! You never know what to expect, you don't. Now, take our present King The Conductor (authoritatively, with a cold eye on tho plausible man) : 'Ammersmith ! (Tho group disintegrates forthwith. As they depart, the small bleak man shrugs his shoulders tolerantly ; he hears the voice of tho stout party, as he recedes along the platform, again commencing : "Now, tialco our present King "). — St. James's Budget.