A HUSBAND AND FATHER'S TROUBLE.

Evening Post, Volume XL, Issue 63, 13 September 1890, Page 2 (Supplement)

A HUSBAND AND FATHER'S TROUBLE.

"Nurse," whispered young Mr. Gilslammer as he put his head gently into the sickroom two hours after the baby was born, " how is my lovey dovey, my darling wife?" The nurse was a beetlo-browed, practical old army nurse, and, as she gave him a two hundred pound push which landed him in the hall, she whispered, "Get out o' here, and go* your wife's all right.. Lemme be." He felt very much discouraged, for it was Mr. Gilalammer's first baby, and he hadn't seen it. He didn't even know whether it was a boy, a girl, or both, or two boys and one girl, or a girl and a boy, or whether it was Siamese twins and things. So he wont into the dining-room and opened the cellaret in the sideboard and got outside of three fingers of whisky. Then he felt better. "My poor, dear wife," ho murmured, " how badly she must feel. I think I'll take up some cold ham and a glass of stout," and, thus armed, Mr. . Gilslammer marched boldly up to the I bedroom door. " Say, nurse, here is some nice ham and porter for Mrs. G. If you won't let me see her, at least give her this with my love, and • tell her that her own ducky is just breaking his heart, and will cook her a tender loin steak by-and-bye with his own hands, and bring her some fresh shrimps." " I'll ducky you," whispered Mrs. Guffinacky, "if you don't keep away from here," and she gently but firmly landed him against the bannister, porter and all, and as she closed the door she hissed through her teeth ' go !" " This is rather a strange position for a husband and father !" he soliloquised. " I think Mrs. Guffinacky is an inconsiderate old teathen." But, bent on getting even, Mr. Gilslammer went to a neighbouring restaurant and bought a crab and mixed a salad. He then marched boldly upstairs, and, without knocking at the door, made his way into the bedroom, and just got as far as, " Darling, hubby did bring oo some," when v violent wrench on his ear persuaded him to go out and fall down fourteen stairs, and a female bass voice whispered to him " go !" Mr. Gilslammer felt thoroughly humbled, but at night, before he went to bed, he took off his shoes and tenderly laid an offering of pickled ells, sauerkraut, and bottled beer at his wife's door, and as he laid down on the sofa, with a blanket over him and a footstool for a pillow, he comforted himself by saying, •' I know my sweety is fond of ells, and if that female elephant finds them there she'll give 'em to her when Bhe gets good humoured." — Bury St. Edmunds.