FUN AND FANCY.

Dunstan Times, Issue 2712, 27 April 1914, Page 8

FUN AND FANCY.

Aie \on lain i liar with the Mexican situation:” "Only up to eight o’clock tins morning.” "1 suppose that your son i.s developing apace:’’ "tes; and a pace that is much too last tor one of his years.” 1 love you lor all I’m worth,” proiested the count. "1 rather think it’s lor all I in worth.” replied the heiress. I don t see why you won’t inarrv me. Im \ er\ well off.’ ”So am I And I realise it too well to make a change.

It was Sydney Smith who, on beiim told that a certain Dr Vowell wag dead] replied; "Let us bo thankful it was neither I nor I.” "Now is, tlie water in the hath, Main'-' ‘‘Cold, mum ;it turned baby fair- ■> " l imn don’t put Fido’in for an hour or -so.” Mother: ''Helen, little girls must not talx ail the time at the table.” Helen: o hen w ill J be told enough to, mother: —London Opinion. ' How did you got your stolen watch bark .so quickly "The poor idiot of a ihie! took it to a pawnshop, where they at once recognised it as mine!” Prolessor at Agricultural Schoool: “What kinds of farming are there. 9 ’ New Student: "Extensive, intensive, ami pretonsive.”—lndianopolis Star. Pa, I don t see why 1 have to study algebra. I hate the stuff!” ‘“1 know it, my boy ; but keep at it. You may have i <> figure out your income tax some dav.”

Air Hocks; "So you want to marry my (laugher. Well, young man, what an> your prospects?” Young Man: "Kxcellcnf —it you don’t spoil them.” •'udgo.

"Fvory man ought to save up enough to buy himseit a good big farm,” said thi' tlintty citizen. “Yes,” replied l ai inor Conitossel, "and then do something cist' with the money!” door Heather: "I found a tribe in Alrica,” said the explorer, “that had absolutely no idea of morality or immorality.'' “That’s interesting,” said tiie mild lunatic, “but what did they do for plays?”—Puck. "If a man kills another man is he always put'in jail, mama?” “Not always. Sometimes he is paid by the Government to do it; and if he can only kill enough he willh ave monuments erected to Idm.”

Fnglisb Guide (showing places of interest): "It was in this very room, sin that Wellington received his first commission,” American Tourist: “Indeed! Ami how much commission did he get?”

"How is this for gallantry ? Ferdinand never addresses me without beginning, ‘Fair, miss,’ or something lika that.” "Force of habit, my dear. He acquired it when he used to be a tramcar conductor.”

Will'll .Judge Dowse was practising at the Bar a Judge asked: —"For whom are you concerned in this case, Mr Dowser” "I am concerned, mv lord,

for the plaintiff; hut 1 am engaged for the defendant,'’ was his reply. "1 had to lot that new nursegirl go. ! discovered that she was neglecting the children when I was attending the (dtil) meetings.” "That so?” "Acs. Bositively. she couldn’t think less of them if thev were her own.”

A young Irishman was sent by bis hackers to a neighboring city to box with an athlete living there. He was

getting the worst of it. as his friends soon realised. "Come, brace up, Jim,” cautioned one of his friends. "Stop more of Ids blow.” "Stop thim!” th« unfortunate Jim cried. "Do yo s«e anny av thim gettiu’ by me?” Pianolas "Universal. whether a generation I rout now it will be possible to obtain a pianoforte without a player inside it. The intelligent teacher need not despair; he will simply have to convert himself into a teacher of interpretation.” —English Review.