SHORT STORY

Dunstan Times, Issue 2216, 12 January 1904, Page 6

SHORT STORY

A TRAMP’S DIARY. A. H. Marshall. WJ3IHE following interesting fragmeat has been taken from a common penny washing-book, not oyer clean, which was picked up under a hedge. From internal evidence it would appear that the owner had no use for a washing-book ; but amongst several pages of undecipherable memoranda there appears this short diary, written in pencil. Why it was not burnt, as the writer intended, cannot be known, for he has disappeared among the thousand and one failures who spend their lives in a prolonged walking tour. Thursday. —Rose early, but not so early as the farmer or hie dog. He said he wasn’t Lord Rowton, and his barn wasn’t a common lodging-house. Told him to wash his face. Farmer enraged. Dog chimed in, and made meal off part of my trousers. (Mem. Get a new pair.) Farmer retired to house to get stick. Lost interest in his movements, and retired in another direction. Short walk, vound : basin under a stile tied up in blue | handkerchief. Contents, bread and ' cold bacon. No use for basin, so left \ it, after search for beer. Breakj fasted, and finished off night’s rest. Called at little house in big garden, i Found old lady in garden. Straw | hat, spectacles, gloves, basket, Ap- ’ preached her respectfully, and apologised for untidy appearance. Said I had been out of work six months, but scorned to beg. Told her had over-, heard two rough men planning burglary on her house to-night, and had walked ten miles to warn her, though had to get out of bed to do it. Old lady alarmed, and asked for particulars. Supplied them. Said men had caught me listening and ill-used me. Savage dog had torn clothes, but had managed to get away and come straight—in spite of illness — lung trouble—to warn her. Old lady pertinently asked how I could have overheard men if I were in bed. Amended statement ; old lady satisfied. Offered to inform police and arrange for house to be watched. Old lady proposed, dinner first. Acceded to proposition. Brought up subject of lung trouble. Coughed. Old lady impressed, and offered woollen comforter worked by own hand. Accepted gift, and suggested that old pair of trousers should be added to it, if any handy. Old lady scandalized at idea of possessing such articles, but offered value in money. Estimate of ten shillings passed and liability discharged on the spot, in silver, by special request. Dinner in kitchen. Hot leg of mut.on, beer, bread and butter pudding, cheese. Maids haughty at first, but thawed later, by deference and conversational ability. Made excellent meal. Feeling sleepy, suggested time to go for police. Promised old lady to come back to tea and supper, and spend the night. She broached subject of permanent job in garden. Thanked her with tears in my eyes. Left, Pleasant nap in shady wood. Went ;on in search for public. Walked i half a mile and came to ‘ Dog and ' Drum.’ Stopped there till turned out. | Threatened landlord with action for ’ assault and battery. Went off to find police station. Queer behaviour of legs. Feared paralj sis at the : time, but have since ceased to feel ■ alarm. Remembered, after all, had ■ no particular desire to meet police, and quarrel with landlord of no great | importance. Found myself in private grounds—don’t remember how. Disj covered hammock hanging between I two trees. Occupied it for the night. I Friday. Awoke by sound of rain, just before daylight. Waited till it had soaked through leaves overhead, | and then got up. Visited hen house, . and secured young chicken and j couple of eggs. Tied them in blue i handkerchief and set off, Discovered ! that had accepted old lady’s hos- ! pitality after all. Grounds and ham- | mock bars. Chased by gardener on ; leaving by front gate. Gardener , probably up all night watching for burglars. Gardener also probably asleep, or would have discovered me in hammock. Had start of gardener, oldish man, and short winded. Left him behind easily, calling for police. !No police about. Rain a nuisance ; getting wet and no shelter near. Sat under tree for two hours, getting dripped on till rain stopped. Walked on, wet through. Met child with can of milk. Child stopped and stared, and said, ‘That’s father’s handkerchief. You’re the bad man who stole father’s breakfast yesterday morning.’ In no mood to stand nonsense from child, had lost interest in father’s yesterday morning’s breakfast, and resented being called bad man. Smacked child’s head, and appropriated milk can. Drank milk and ran away, leaving child crying. Sorry for child but should control its tongue. Found sheltered corner by little brook. Made fire of sticks, plucked and roasted chicken, and boilod eggs in railk-cau. Made excellent breakfast, dried clothes and went to sleep. Awoke by rough hand on shoulder and voice,, ‘Now then, what-djer doin’ trespassin’, and poachin’ here ? Von come along a me to the police station.’ Opened my eye a to sea young fellow in velveteen coat and gaiters, with dog and gun, standing over me. Situation critical. No wish to go to police station. Assumed air of virtuous surprise. ‘ What do you mean—poaching ? I never poached in my life. I wouldn’t do such a thing.’

‘That won't 'do for me,’ said gaiters ; ‘ why here’s the very bones of a partridge. You’re a nice cup of tea, you are, I hope you had your bread sauce to your likin’, me Lord. Now then, tramp it, and I’ll take the bones of the carkiss.’ Took swift measure of gaiters intellect. ‘ A pretty gamekeeper, you are, not to know a partridge from a chicken. I knew you weren’t worth your salt when I looked at you, and 1 know a good deal more about you besides, now I come to recognise your ugly mug,’ (Looked hard at keeper. Shade of anxiety crossed his face.) ‘ Yes ; you’re a pretty one to talk about police stations, you are.’ (Shade -grew deeper.) You didn’t know anybody was looking on, did you ? Thought you was quite alone, eh P’ * What-djer mean ?’ said gaiters. * What-djer talkin’ about ? I ain’t done nothin’.’ ‘ Oh, you haven’t, haven’t you ? Well, you can tell that to the magistrates. Perhaps then’ll believe it, and perhaps they won’t.’ ‘ Look here,’ said ga’ters ; * wheredjer git that chicken, and them there egg-shells P’ Saw that had told. Took high line. ‘ What has it got to do with you, if a private gentleman chooses to have a little picnic out of his own poultry yard ? I’ll explain all that to the magistrates. Now then, let’s be off to the police station.’ ‘Wait a bit,’ said gaiters, *lf you wasn’t poaching, p’r’aps there ain’t no occasion for no police station,’ Occurred to me that gaiters might be induced to contribute to current ‘ expenses. ‘ Oh, it isn’t you that’s going to take me, it’s the other way about. I’ve had my eye on you for some time, my fine fellow. I put on this disguise on purpose to nab you. You didn’t know that I was a detective, did you, when you was so ready with your police stations ?’ ‘ Well, you took a lot of trouble about it,’ said gaiters, sulkily. ‘ You ain’t shaved for a week, and you ain’t had a bath for a fortnight, seemingly. Look here. What’ll yer take ?’ ‘ What’ll I—l don’t understand. Are you offering me money ?’ ‘ Well, I ain’t got much on it —’ ‘ Do you mean to say you are offering a police officer money to let you go free?’ * Police officer be blowed. You ain’t no police officer. But yer might make it het for me, so if ’arf a crown —’ * Half a crown 1’ * Well, make it five bob. I can’t do no more.’ * Got it here ?’ ‘No ; but I don’t live fur off, and I’ll go straight and fetch it.’ ‘ You know what you’ll get if you go before the beaks ?’ ‘ Oh, yes ; I know all about it—six months ’ard, and lose my place.’ ‘ Well, is your dlace worth a pair of trousers ?’ ‘ What-djer talkin’ about—trahsers !’ ‘ You go and fetch me five bob and your Sunday trousers, and I’ll say no more about it,’ Gaiters looked glum. ‘ They're new uns.’ ‘ I like them new You hurry off and fetch them, and don’t forget the five bob, and I’ll wait here till you come back. Now don’t you be long, or I’ll go straight to the police. I know all about you.’ Gaiters disappeared. Lit pipe and ahuckled. Waited half-an-hour. Began to get impatient. Presently heard voices. Hid behind tree and saw child—acquaintance of morning -—coming along path, and big man with red whiskers and black stick. * I knowed he’d come here/ said man. ‘ Tramps alius does. There’s ’is fire, and ’is chickin bones, and mother’s milk-can, dirty thief I but where’s ’im ?’ Man with red whiskers looked round. Position getting uncomfortable. Decide Ito leave. Started to do so, but caught foot in brambles, and came to ground. ‘ That’s ’im !’ cried child, in shrill voice, Man with red whiskers came ploughing along. Hurried as much as possible, but man gained. He was close behind when, turning corner of path, run full into gaiters, with striped trousers over arm. Situation acute. Man caught hold of collar, and held tight. Waited to see how things would turn out. ‘ I’ve got yer, dirty, sneaking thief,’ said man ; ‘ and now I’m goin’ ter give yer a dam i good idin’ !’ Shocked to hear man swear before child. Gaiters interposed. * ’Ere, Comber, what are yer up to with that man? ’lm and me’s got to do with each other.’ Occurred to me that gaiters might be induced to take on quarrel instead ef me. Told him hurriedly had discovered man snaring rabbit. Man had run after me when he saw he was watched. * Oh, that’s it, is it ?’ said gaiters, laying down gun and trousers, ‘ I’ve thought you was ohe of that lot so me time, Mr Comber, ’Ere, you just let that man alone, and come along a me.’ Gaiters apparently used no requesting people to come along a him. Considerable irritation displayed by man. Characterized tale as lies, and started operations with stick. Called out to gaiters, ‘ Take him off 1 take him offl’ and kicked man’s i shins. Gaiters seized his arm. Dog said, ‘ Now’s my time,’ and did same 1 to leg. Ensuing confusion. Didn’t : feel inclined to wait for conclusion of J affair, so picked up trousers and left ] for interior, and here lam to-day. * <