A POETICAL PRISONER.

Daily Telegraph (Napier), Issue 3535, 6 November 1882, Page 4

A POETICAL PRISONER.

A Nenagh correspondent of the? Kilkenny Moderator writes that at the petty sessions of that town an ex-draper's assistant, named John Anthony Malier, formerly of Roscrea, lately of Nenagh, and latest of Kathclowney, •was brought up in custody charged by subConstable- Jeremiah Began with having stolen a silk umbrella from the house of Dr Morton, Summer Hill, Nenagh. Mr William Reeves conducted the prosecution. The prisoner ' conducted ' his own defence with much ability, and with all the assurance of an experienced practitioner, yet with an assumption of injured innocence, as if he were a martyr to circumstances.

The principal evidence for the prosecution was that, of Nanny Ralph, a servant in the employment of Dr Morton, who deposed that on the clay in question the prisoner called at her master's house and asked if Dr Morton was in. She replied that he was not, and asked if Mrs Morton would do ; she then went to acquaint her mistress of the presence of the man in the hall, who wanted to see the doctor. On her (witness's) return to the hall she missed from the stand a silk umbrella, the property of a young lady then on a visit to Mrs Morton. " The Timbrella now produced was the one taken from the hall. The Chairman : Ts that the man (prisoner) ■whom you saw in the hall ? Witness : It is, sir. Prisoner (assuming a tragic air) : Lady look me straight in tha face, lam but the wreck of a roynl raco : Of fortune and friends they have bereft mo ; I'm John Anthony Maher, that's all that's now left me. —[Laughter.] Evidence was then given by a Mrs Margaret Minogue to the effect that on the evening in question the prisoner came to ho? husband's house and asked her to buy she umbrella for two shillings, but she said she did not want to buy it. He then said he ■was very hungry, that he wanted,his dinner, and that she might have ' the article' for a shilling. !-he gave him the shilling, ' through compassion, your Worships,' through she had not known him before, neither did she ask him his name. The Chairman expressed his surprise that a person of such apparent respectability as Mre Minogue should have purchased a valuable umbrella from such a man as the prisoner for a shilling ; to which the witness replied that she had no ' forecast' in the matter.

Prisoner (who was ' all impatience' to make a speech) : Well, gentlemen of the Court, what do you charge me with ? I went into a house to see a doctor : I was hungry, I was thirsty—(laughter)—nay, gentlemen, I vras delirious; in fact 'twas our old

familiar friend John Jameson that did it all —through me—(muchflaughter) —I was but the ' instrument' —(laughter) —if I took the umbrella ; and we will assume for argument sake that I did —(great laughter)—l was quite unconscious of having done so. That, gentlemen, is the 'head and front of my offending. . Now what's the odds ? —(Great laughter!) I had £100a-year in a draper's shop in Ratbdowney. Let me go back to my business there again, and you shall never see me more.

Chairman : There is no doubt but that you stole this umbrella, and the magistrates

Prisoner : Pardon me, your Worship, for one moment, while I address the Court. There was often ten times as much taken from me, and I never said a word about it. I lost a chain and locket that stood me in 19s 4&d —first cost, gentlemen, I assure you— (laughter)—and I have never seen or heard of them since. I wish I were dead. And who knows if life be not what we poor mortals call death, and death the thing that we call life! There's a problem for you, gentlemen—which of you shall solve it? Chairman : Why did you leave Ratlidowney ? Prisoner : Thereby hangs a tale— One evening in May, as the petting , sun shone, The shop it was there, and John Anthony gone. — (Laughter.) Chairman: I have here your photograph _ Prisoner (with well-feigned surprise) : What! mine, yoin . Worship ? Did you say my photo., my second self ? —(Renewed laughter.) Chairman : Yes, and it is an accurate likeness. Look at it (and His Vf orship confronted the prisoner with his photo., at the foot of which was the date '17-1-75' and the prisoner's name in full). Prisoner (looking at the picture with all the air of an art critic) : Well, your Worship, I cannot compliment the artist, for it is not a speaking likeness. — (Laughter.) However, now, your Worship, look on that picture, then on this (striking his breast), for you may ne'er look on their like again.— (Great laughter.) Chairman : I have also here a record of many previous convictions against you, and by which I find that you were four times convicted for larceny, seven times for vagrancy Prisoner: Oh! Mother o' Mose3! — (Laughter). Chairman: Once as a public nuisance Prisoner (with a smirk) : You don't say so? —(Laughter). Chairman: And twenty-one times for drunkenness

Prisoner : Shall I ever get drunk again ? — (Renewed laughter). Chairman : In fact, we have such a good character of you here on this record that we shall give you the benefit of it, and send you for trial on this charge to the next quarter sessions.

Prisoner: Now, I should like to know who was a recording angel that went to the trouble of jotting down all ray little pecadilloes. What about all the good things I have ever done ? —(Laughter). Oh ! if all my meritorious deeds were stated, They'd mwe th ; in balance all you have enumerated. Chairman : That will do now ; you may go down. Prisoner : Down to the dust from which I sprang— Unwept, unhonor'd, and unsung. — (Great laughter). Chairman: Constable, remove the prisoner. The case is now returned for trial to the quarter sessions. Prisoner: When will the next quarter sessions be held, your Worship ? Chairman : On the I4f h of October next. Prisoner : Holy Moses ! — (Laughter). Then John Anthony, my boy, after all the journeyings to and fro, and after all the pleasant days and nights you've spent, I fear me very much that your sun has at length set, and set for ever ! —(Renewed laughter). The prisoner was then removed.