RULES TO BE OBSERVED IN A CHURCH.
FRAMED FROM THE BEST AUTHORITIES. 1. If you are a stranger, and the verger brings you to a pew, take care to sweep all the books off the ledge in front as you go by : it enlivens the service. 2. Take out your watch several times during the sermon, and if it has a hunting case, shut it up with a sharp snap. 3. If you are the possessor of a diamond ring, take care to keep stroking your face, so that the ladies of the choir may gaze upon it. It is the correct thing also to occasionally pretend to swoon, as it heightens the interest of all in you. 4. Always leave just before the collection. 5. Stop in tho aisle to shake hands with your friends ; don't hurry, and don't mind if other people can't get out in consequence ; it makes you conspicuous. 6. Trehd on as many ladies' dresses as you can, and make them look round. 7. Directly you are outside the porch, light a cigar, or better still, an old black pipe, and go on yoiir way rejoicing. 8. Bring your own dog, and your ' sister's and your ceusin's, and your aunt's ' dogs too and let them ramble about the church at will. Hit them periodically, so that they will howl, and cause the congregation to break out into fits of occasional laughter. It's fashionable now-a-days.
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https://paperspast.natlib.govt.nz/newspapers/DTN18821004.2.21
Bibliographic details
Daily Telegraph (Napier), Issue 3508, 4 October 1882, Page 4
Word Count
239RULES TO BE OBSERVED IN A CHURCH. Daily Telegraph (Napier), Issue 3508, 4 October 1882, Page 4
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