Pickles

Dominion, Volume 28, Issue 122, 16 February 1935, Page 18

Pickles

Old Lady to Old Tar: “Excuse me. Do those tattoo marks wash off?” Old Tar: “I can’t say, lady.”

Mother (to son smoking cigar) : Harold, what on earth >. Harold: That’s all right, mother: father is playing with my train.

Ticket Collector: Come, sir, that boy is not under twelve. Passenger (on slow train) : He was when he got on here.

Father: Did you tell Cyril I’ll cu him out of my will if he marries tha: girl?

Wise Mother: No, I did beter than that—l told the girl.

Little Girl: Uncle Bob you’re noi married, are you? Uncle: No, Joan, Pan not. Little Girl: Then who tells you whal you shouldn’t do, Uncle? • * •

It wasn’t the thought of asking the girl that caused his courage to drop. It wasn’t popping the question, but the task of questioning pop. » » ♦ Failure: “Everything I touch seems to fold up.” Motorist: “Hurrah, you’re just the man I want to see. Touch this road map for me.”

An actor was in a raffle for a goose at Christmas time, but was not lucky enough to win it. He explained this by saying: “You sec, no actor likes getting the ‘bird.’”

First Scot:: "I hear Sandy has joined the lending library. I didn't know he was fond of reading.” Second Scot: “He isn't. But he suddenly decided to give his friends books for Christinas.”

Mistress (explaining routine to new cook): Now, m.v husband always goes to his club on Wednesday evenings. Cook: I understand, ma’am. So he won't want no breakfast on Thursdays.

As the train drew out of the station a passenger threw a banana skin out of the window.

“Hi, sir,” shouted the guard, “the company won’t have this, you know.”

“■Well, divide it among the porters, was the reply.

She: Mother told me to object to the use of the word “obey” in the ceremony when we are married. He: And what did you tell her? She: I said I’d let it stand. I told her you could take a joke as well as any man.

He: So I suppose you loved and lost? She: Oh, no. I was awarded £5OO damages.

“Daughter,” said the father, “is that young man serious in Ins intentions?” “Yes, he must be, dad,” she replied; “he’s asked how much I make, what kind of meals we have, and how you and mother are to live with.”

The druggist was awakened long after midnight by the violent ringing of his door bell. Outside in the snow, stood a young miss in evening clothes.

“What’s the matter?” the druggist asked. “Somebody sick?” “Oh. no!” she cried with a laugh, “but I’m at a dance close by, and I’ve mislaid my rouge.”

“Really?” replied the druggist. “Well, I’m sorry, but I never keep enough rouge in stock to cover a cheek like yours.”

“And after you had poisoned the coffee and your husband sat at breakfast partaking of the fatal potion, didn’t you feel qualms?” demanded the counsel, of a woman charged with murder. “Didn’t you feel the slightest pity for him? Didn’t the fact that he was about to die and was wholly unconscious of it excite your sympathy? As he sat there, didn’t you feel for him pt all I" “Yes,” said the prisoner, “there was just one moment when I felt sorry for him.”

“And what moment was that?” “When he asked for a second cup.”