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Cromwell Argus, Volume LXVIII, Issue 3481, 9 August 1937, Page 7

The editor of a newspaper complained to a country correspondent who omitted names in his stories. He wrote the man that if he negleoted this essential detail in his next dispatch he would be discharged. A few days later the editor got his dispatch:— "A severe storm passed over here this afternoon, and lightning struck a barbed-wire fence on the farm of Charles Wilson, killing three cows, their names being Jessie, Bessie, and Buttercup." J

"What are the prices of the seats?" inquired a young woman at a country fair.

"Front seats half a crown, rear seats a shilling, and programmes threepence," announced the gatekeeper. "Here's threepence," said the young woman, "I'll sit on a programme."

A man who had a slight motoring accident which necessitated the application of sticking plaster to his nose, was called upon to interview the local collector qf taxes. "Had an accident to your nose?" the latter said sympathetically. "No," said the taxpayer, "I've been paying through it so long that it has given way under the strain!"

A tradesman was taken ill one night, and suddenly died. His secretary found on his desk a letter which the dead man had written the day before, but not sealed. The secretary sealed and sent the letter, having added the following postscript:— "After writing the above, I suddenly passed away."

"Yes," Baid Mrs. Newstyle, "my husband is most careless. He's always losing the buttons off his clothes." "Perhaps, my dear," replied Mrs. Oldstyle, "it's because they are not sewn on carefully enough."

"That's Just it. He's most slipshod with his sewing!"

"Doctor," said the patient, "I'm bothered with a curious pain. When I bend forward, stretch out my arms, and make a semi-circular movement with them, I feel a sharp stab in my left shoulder."

"But," said the doctor, amazed, "why on earth make such motions?" The patient looked at him carefully. "Well, doctor," he said, "if you know any other way for a man to get into his overcoat, I wish you would tell me."

"Say, doctor, I asked that nurse to put a hot-water bottle at my feet and she stuck up her nose and walked away," complained the patient. "What else could you expect? That was the head nurse," explained the doctor. .

"Oh, do they specialise that much? Then get me the foot nurse."

"Oh, 3'es, he actually had the Impudence to kiss me." "Of course you slapped him." "Yes, every time."

Jackie: "Mummy, I dreamt that I was in a boat and fell into the water —need I wash myself to-day?"

"She's a leading light in the pictures." "Yes, that's right—shows people to their seats with a torch."

Teeth are the things the dentist pulls olit before the doctor discovers that tt was your tonsils, after all.