Facetiae.

Clutha Leader, Volume XVIII, Issue 917, 12 February 1892, Page 7

Facetiae.

' You should not hug so hard, George, dear l' ' Why not, Annie, love V 'It is waisted energy.' Sunday school teacher : ' Now, scholars, what do you understand by a 11 movable feasfc " V Pupil : < A picnic.' ' Blusher is the most bashful man I ever knew.' ' Well, how on earth did he ever come to get married V 'He was too bashful to refuse.' A colored philosopher is reported to have said : ' Life, my broddern, am mos'ly id ado up of pray in' for rain and then wishin' it would cl'ar off.' A corn on the toe will cause the average philanthropist more misery than the knowledge that 10,000 people were drowned in a Chinese flood. ' 1 think she is a two-faced creature,' said one of the girls indignantly. ' Oh, no,' returned Miss Cordial, ' if she had • two faces she would never use this one.' Missionary: ( I have como here, brethren, to devote my life to you.' Cannibal chief : « All right, thanks ; but we'll wait until you are a little fatter.' ' Dick Skinner says marriage is a j failure.' 'A failure! I thought he married a fortune 1' ' Yes — but the girl that went with it has suspended payment.' Benedict : 'In this drawer I have kept the dearest reminiscences of our honeymoon.' Sentimental young lady : ' Oh, do lot me see them ! What — your hotel bills?' Neighbor to aged darky : « Uncle Remus, you carry your age exceedingly well,' Uncle Remus: ' bat's so, boss ; but then, you see, I'se been 90 years practisin' on it.' 'The bulk of anything,' said the pedagogue, ' may be called the " main part "of it. Now, James, what is the main part of a horse V ' Please, sir, the back of its neck.' ' What a pity it is,' says Charles Lamb, l that a man cannot think, while he is making an after-dinner speech, of all the good things that occur to him as he is walking home in the evening !' Shakegpeare says : ' Some men are born great, some have greatness thrust upon them.' Do you think a case ever happened where a man has greatness thrust upon him. ' Certainly Take o great-grandfather for instance.' Three resolutions passed by a board of council men in Canton, Mississippi — ' (1) Resolved by this council that we build a new jail. (2) Resolved that the new jail be built out of the. materials of the old jail. (3) Resolved that the old jail be used until the new jail is finished.' A raw-looking farm servant, with ' country ' writ large on his countenance, was walking along a street in Glasgow the other day, when he chanced to notice a sign in one of the shop windows with the words * Boots blacked inside ' on it. Jock stared at the notice open-mouthed for several minutes before he found tongue to exclaim : ' What in a' the world does folk want wi' the inside of their shoon blackened % I never heard the like o't in a' my born days,'