Coping with swidowhood

Press, 9 May 1987, Page 23

Coping with swidowhood

Widowed. By Beryl To Wlata. Century Hutchison, 1967. 151 pp. Appendix. $1698 (paperback). (Reviewed by Margaret Quigley) When Inia Te Wlata died of cancer in 1971, his wife Beryl suffered,' besides her overwhelming grief, feelings which she believes are common to most widows — a sense of panic, fear and insecurity, and a complete loss of confidence. Deprived of what Bruce Mason described as "Inia’s huge presence and vitality” Beryl Te Wlata looked in vain for some book which might help her in dealing with the practical as well as the emotional problems of widowhood. Now, more than 15 years after Inia’s death, she has produced a book intended mainly for those struggling, as she did, with that trauma. “I hope the notes I made and the thoughts I had during those years will help other widows to understand what I did not,” she said. She began writing “Widowed” in 1975, shortly after completing the biography of her husband, “Most Happy Fella,” but realised that it was still too soon for her to write about how she had coped with widowhood.

On her return to New Zealand in 1973 she had with some difficulty resumed her acting career and during the years, as she made a name for herself here with her one-woman 1 shows, she continued from time to: time to jot down thoughts and feelings, ; reactions and problems. These jottings, together with her earlier, desolate' writings she has collated Into a book . which traces the pattern of her \ grieving and her reshaping of her life ■ over a long period. She is honest, open and emotional, but never self-indulgent in her account of her struggle to find herself again ? and the book makes moving reading. It is not, however, solely a persona! account “Widowed” is also full of practical, - sensible advice about ? funerals, moving house, and dealing with solicitors (though one hopes not everyone has such a difficult time as she did with the legal profession).' Some of thie writing is 'repetitive-, some of the sentiments expressed will not help those who. find religious belief difficult, but. in general Beryl Te;; Wiata’s candour and commonsense should prove a comfort to others who' have lost their partner. .