Sudsiest soap

Press, 13 December 1985, Page 15

Sudsiest soap

[Review]

Ken Strongman

‘ Guess the programme. Its progenitors are “Dynasty,” S ‘falcon Crest” and v “Dallas.” There are influences from “Hotel” and S strangely enough from a humourless form of “Are feyon Being Served?” It like a baby food and £ its screens at 9.30, the only Lgood thing about which is that younger children will not realise the depths which can be plumbed by adult television.

If from this description, you have no idea what the programme is, well done. “Berrengers” is the most sudsy of recent soaps. Its male actors seem like failing lookalikes for Paul Newman in the guise of lounge lizards. The females look like the seven ages of Joan Collins, including one or two that she has not yet reached. Or, it is possible that Kenny Everet is playing all parts. .Relationships in “Berrengers” are; intertwined with business, like convolvulous through 'the garden. People routinely wear satin and furs and diamonds, even the women. Hair colours would do credit to punk rockers but are acceptable because they are on styles that are more traditionally reserved for poodles.

It was not at all clear from last week’s episode what exactly Berrenger’s is. Slowly it emerged that it is a "family retailing dynasty.” That’s a lie. It did

not emerge; it was necessary to check the “Listener” to find out. Anyway, in the midst of this dynasty, the little man, named “Hoolio” is struggling to break into fashion design. “Don’t push it Hoolio” “You want me to beg, okay, I’m begging.” And of course, there is the young ingenue, up to New York from the country, fighting to maintain her honour and integrity. The language of “Berrenger’s” is a model of its kind, a tribute to the script-writing-by-numbers American school. “I’m used to being alone, travelling alone; sometimes it’s better that way.” “Don’t be too hard on her if the emotional trauma affects her work adversely.” “I’ve got urgent business all over the world.” Wonderful stuff.

Occasionally, the script begins to get out of hand and an interchange threatens to include something other than a cliche. At the merest hint of this, one of the characters says “But I don’t want to talk about it” and brings everything back to its proper level. It’s just as well, otherwise the

whole thing might degenerate. . ■

Most of the characters spend their time walking around with puzzled frowns. The reason for this is easy to see; the actors cannot quite understand their lines. Interchanges like “Right?” “Right?” “Right” “Right” and “Thank you, I’ll try again later” are not easy to cope with. Meanwhile, poor old Hoolio is trying to raise $20,000 overnight.

In the cricket last week, a ball bowled by Coney was described by an Australian commentator, admittedly doing a bit of teeth-grinding at the time, as “A nothing ball. Poor length, no speed and the batsman missed it.” “Berrenger’s” is a nothing programme — too long, too slow and nobody would miss it. Still, one has to keep a soft spot for Hoolio. He is probably collecting his $20,000 in a ham-har. Tailpiece. The advertisements again, one comment and one question. It is vaguely annoying that at this time of year, last year’s summer advertisements are dug out of their cans. No, it is not annoying, it is depressing. And, why are there so many current advertisements for ladies’ undergarments? This is definitely a question rather than a complaint, but there seems to be no obvious answer. Perhaps all will be revealed as summer drawers on.