IN LIGHTER VEIN.

Press, Volume LXIV, Issue 13231, 26 September 1908, Page 7

IN LIGHTER VEIN.

Officer (to new recruit doing "sentry go" for tbe first time): Xow mind you let no an© go by without challenging them. —Recruit: That's all right, guvnor. Don't you worry. Tho slightest noise wakes mo up!—" Punch.

A venerable archdeacon engaged as footman a w-U-recommended youth who had served as a stable-boy. His first d_ty was to accompany tlio archdieacc- on a series of formal calls. "Bring the cards, Thc«mas, and leave ono at each house," ordered the cleric. After two hours of -visiting from house to house tho archdeacon's list was exhaiusted. iJ Thia is tbe last house, Thomas," ho said, "leave two' carde hero."—"'Beg_Sn' your pardon j sir," was tho reply, "I can't. I'vo only gottlio a/ac of spades left."

• Lsird Roberts lias a reputation for repartee, and on ono occasion he administered a smart rebuke to a bore which oaiiisod a good deal of anuisenaont (says "M.A.P.") It was at a clulb, and thero.was a very tall gentleman present, who seized' every opportunity of raising a laugh at other people's expense; Xow, as is well known, Lord Roberts is very short, and when this gentleman was introduced to the famous soldier, he patronisingly remarked : "I havo often l hoard of you, but"—shading his eyes with ono hand as though "_3obs".were too small to bo seen without difficulty—"l have never seen you." Upon which Lord Roberts promptly replied: "I havo often seen you here, sir, but I have never heard of you." The rest was silence.

There was a suburban, lady whoso house, ono summer, was quiito overrun with moths. A tramp told her that, in return for a square meal, he would give her a reliable moth cure. She set a square meal before the tramp, h© devotured it, then he said 1 : "A3 yo need to do, ma'am, is to hang yor mothfilled clothes and carpets and things on a line and beat 'em with a stick. Good-bvo to ver moths then-j" "Will that kill them"?" asked tho laSty- "Yes, if yo hit 'em," said the tramp.—The "Argonaut."